


Say you Love me Tonight

by Atlas98



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anyone else just craving sanvers content like oxygen in space?, F/F, If you're even reading these, Is there angst? Yes. Why? Cause I said so., Sanvers - Freeform, They are endgame and that's all I gotta say about it, They will be together even if it kills me, Why have one female villian when you can team them up and have two, Why the hell do we use tags? I swear it's pointless to ask me to put something useful here, leave the #7 in the comments so I can laugh at myself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2019-07-25 22:39:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 80,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16207124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atlas98/pseuds/Atlas98
Summary: Set a few months after the breakup (F the CW forever honestly)Roulette/ Veronica Sinclair is back in town and Maggie is on the case. But what happens when it goes wrong? Will the DEO show up and save the day? Will Alex realise what's happening before it's too late? Guess you'll have to read and find out :D





	1. Roulette Rising

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what ya think, or if there's any issues, full disclosure I didn't proofread this so yell out if you find mistakes ;)  
> Oh and thank you to AlmostAsGoodAs_I_do for unwittingly helping me choose a title for this mess :)

It’s a slow day. It’s been a whole lot of slow days actually, the minutes dragging on longer and longer the more time Maggie spends sober instead of drowning in her cheap sheets and bottles of whisky. It’s rare for her to get through a day without breaking down a little on the inside.

And what else could she really do besides that? Besides just waking up and existing until she feels numb enough inside to look at herself in the mirror and see the wreck of a person she’s become. All Maggie sees reflected back, is the shell of a girl who gave everything away.

It feels like she's fourteen again, lost in a world she thought she'd found a home in...

It's thoughts like that plague her mind like a nineties song she can’t remember the chorus to. And it’s slowly driving her to the edge of insanity, just sitting here at her desk trying to keep it all together, when in her minds eye she can see herself throwing every piece of furniture in here against the wall.

So a small part of Maggie is grateful for the voice that interrupts her undoubtedly derailing train of thought.

“Detective Sawyer?”

Maggie looks up from her desk, the stacks of paperwork she uses as an attempt to keep herself busy rustling as she pushes it away a little.

Brian stands in front of her, playing with his sleeve cuffs, his blue skin a little paler than usual.

“Hey Brian, what’s up?” Maggie questions.

The alien digs around in his pockets for a moment, the awkward motion making Maggie shake her head. But he eventually pulls out a crumpled piece of paper, shuffling closer to Maggie’s desk to hand it over.

“These are floating around again.” He mumbles out. “Tried getting you at the bar, but you haven’t really been around.”

Maggie sighs at the remark. “Yeah I uh... it’s not my kind of place I guess.” She lies, shutting down the subject half heartedly. Because it is her place. At least it was...

Maggie unfolds the dirty paper, looking up over the top of it at Brian when she figures out what it is.

The ad Brian must have pulled from a wall somewhere is a little worse for wear, but asks for any aliens who wish to perform for cash to contact the number on the flyer. The event is this Saturday, so four days time. That doesn’t leave Maggie a lot of time to work with.

“You think Roulette is back?” Maggie asks, already shoving paper around her desk to make space for the heavy file she hauls from her drawers beneath the table top, eager for the distraction a case provides.

“A couple friends have already gone missing, ads are popping up at all the underground alien spots. Docks are being cleared out, so I think that’s where it's going to be held.” Brian explains meekly. His usual upbeat and quirky personality has taken a back seat and the contrast makes Maggie feel like there really is an issue, whether or not Roullete is involved is something Maggie can’t be sure of.

“I’ll check it out.” Maggie says gently, hoping to ease some of Brian’s nerves. “Just tell everyone to lay low for a while. And don’t go investigating, okay?”

Brian nods. “Thanks.”

Maggie watches uneasily as the bashful alien shuffles out of the precinct, hands stuffed low into his oversized jacket.

If Roulette really is back, then the city has a problem. Her alien fight clubs run for the very people who should be shutting them down, so Maggie’s jurisdiction won’t exactly go very far, as she’s found out over the years.

So that leaves her with information she can’t do much about. Unless... but calling her isn’t really what Maggie wants to do. Hearing Alex’s voice would feel like Maggie is listening to the sound of her heart breaking on a loud speaker.

But this is big. Losing a life because she couldn’t handle talking to Alex is something Maggie couldn't live with.

And it’s not like they haven’t worked together, granted that was before everything. But maybe it'll work. Maybe it’s time to have Alex back in her life, in whatever way that will be from now on.

Because that was always the intention, Maggie meant it when she said she couldn’t picture her life without Alex. It's just... losing her in that way, well Maggie would still like more time to figure out where to go from there, how to get her life back when she left it behind, crying in the middle of their living room.

But it’s been months. Moments of terror after seeing news footage of Alex fighting the world killers alongside the rest of their famil... the rest of Alex’s family. And those moments had left Maggie shaking in the corner of her dark apartment, wishing she could just know if the girl she loves was okay.

But she could never make it to the phone, could never call the number she had come to associate with home. And Maggie regrets it. She regrets not being there for Alex, for not being there to help. And some part of her knows it’s time to stop hiding.

So she pulls out her phone, free hand already flipping through the thick file she’s been gathering on Roulette over the years. The line rings for a few moments, but cuts off with a sharp tone.

“The number you are trying to reach is inaccessible without clearance.” An automated voice churns out.

“What the hell?” Maggie mutters to herself, already dialling again, the same result making her a little frustrated. But Alex probably just got a new phone or something and hasn’t had time to get the number to Maggie... or is waiting a little longer before getting in touch.

Either way, Maggie decides it’s easier to just head over to the DEO, Jonn will probably want to be in charge of any mission they run anyway.

So Maggie grabs the file and heads downstairs to the parking garage, securing the gathered intel into her riding bag and tossing on her helmet. Her triumph roars loudly as she guides it onto the street, her body taking the corners and intersections on the route to the DEO like an old habit.

Driving between her and Alex’s work actually is an old habit Maggie supposes, one she’s found herself driving mistakenly on autopilot more than once lately, having to sadly turn around and head the opposite direction.

And if this is going to work at all, Maggie knows she’s going to have to put all those emotions aside, something she didn’t have a problem doing before she met Alex.

But Maggie can’t lie to herself and say that she’s that same girl who could flip a switch and not care, not when it comes to this, to her. So Maggie isn’t really sure what she’s going to do. But she needs Alex’s help on this, they might not be a team anymore but at the very least they’re on the same side.

So even though the heart beating in her chest is making Maggie reluctant to turn the bike off as she pulls up to the DEO building, she still pulls the key out shakily. And it leaves her staring at the glass panels stretching up high into the sky where she spots Kara flying in.

And it’s now or never, although Maggie knows it should be ‘sooner rather than later’ seeing as she would always need Alex at some point, for work at the very least. But as much as Maggie knows that she wants Alex in a way that she could never have, the detective refuses to admit it, back to forcing herself to believe that just being friends, or working together can be enough.

She’s back to forcing herself to do a lot of things actually. But the drinking helps her sleep and the bruises from bar fights help her feel something other than meaningless. But deep down Maggie is also forcing herself to believe that maybe Alex could help, that a smile from the agent could get her life back on track, make her feel steady when she wakes up in the morning. And its a lie Maggie loves to tell herself.

So she forces herself off her Triumph, pushes her feet up the stairs to the DEO lobby with her hands gripping tightly onto the file against her chest.

Being inside this building makes her stomach lurch, so Maggie tries breathing, letting a casual smile form on her face as she looks to the boyish recruit manning the front desk.

“Hi, I need to speak with Agent Danvers please.” She asks.

“Not available.” He says blandly, barely looking up from the moniter.

Maggie narrows her eyes at the attitude, knocking her knuckles slightly against the table to get his attention.

“I need to see her.” Maggie repeats. And the eye roll the agent gives her makes Maggie want to haul the young agent out of his seat to make him take her seriously. Obviously the DEO isn’t the kind of place that tactic works in though, so she holds the urge in.

“Name?” He asks, looking like this is the single hardest thing he'll have to do all day.

But Maggie keeps her cool, barely.

“Sawyer.” She grinds out. “NCPD Science Division.”

He turns back to his computer, the sound of the mouse scrolling through the clearance list irritating the shit out of Maggie the longer she hears it.

“Sorry. Not on the list.” He eventually says snarkily.

“What?” Maggie furrows her brow at that. “Check again.”

“I could. But I already did, you're not on here. So please leave ma'am.” The rookie agent smugly motions to the door.

But Maggie doesn’t have time to figure out the DEO’s technical glitches. She was right here when Jonn gave her clearance last year, so this is obviously a mistake.

“Look, just call upstairs and tell director Henshaw I’m here. I’m sure he'll be more than willi-" Maggie tries, the young agent standing abruptly and pointing to the door.

“Ma'am I will not repeat myself. Please leave, or I will be forced to call security.” He orders loudly enough for everyone in the lobby to look across at them.

And Maggie knows from experience that if she gets thrown into holding it’ll be a while before she gets out. Which is time she doesn’t have to be wasting right now, not when a case this important is sitting in her lap.

So the detective puts her hands up in mock surrender, the file on Roulette wedged under her arm as she backs out of the building slowly. The sideways glances from agents don’t stop until she’s down the steps and on the sidewalk again.

She tosses the file back into her riding bag, sitting on her bike as she tries to figure out what to do.

Hopefully word will get back to Alex and the agent will call her. Either way, with or without the DEO's help, this case can't be anything less than a priority after the last time Roulette was in town. So for right now, Maggie needs to get some leads to what's going on.

And Brian had said something about the docks being cleared out when he spoke to her. It’s a good location, easy smuggling and even easier escapes. So Maggie decides to head over there, try and see if there's anything outwardly illicit happening. It's nothing she can’t handle at this point.

Her bike spins it’s tyres slightly on the pavement before getting traction and lurching into the traffic, sliding between cars and trucks easily.

And the longer Maggie drives, the more she can smell the air changing, salt and oil coming together in a strange mix that always makes Maggie feel a little sick to her stomach.

But eventually she pulls up, parking near some shipping crates that mark the entrance to the dock yards. Once her triumph is off, there isn’t much noise besides metal creaking and clanging as shipping crates are shifted around by the towering cranes.

Nothing really seems out of place, a few workers here and there, machinery whirring and shifting as Maggie moves through it all.

But something definitely feels off. Maggie can practically feel the hair on the back of her neck stand on edge as she walks through the massive steel containers.

At first she thinks the uneasiness she feels is because she’s looking for Roulette and her operation. But after a few minutes Maggie realises that she isn’t the only one lurking around these corners.

She can feel someone watching her.

Her feet move faster out of instinct, breaking into a run as metal clashes behind her menacingly.

But as she turns the corner of a weathered red container, Maggie runs full tilt into someone. And there’s nothing she can do as a needle buries itself into her neck, the blurry face of Lillian Luthor etching itself into Maggie’s memory as she sinks to her knees dizzily.

“Hello detective.” Lillian drawls out. “Lovely to see you again. We’ve got some catching up to do, don’t we?” She asks rhetorically.

But Maggie can feel herself slipping, barely able to focus on anything as it all spins around and around. And she tries grabbing for her gun, hands not connecting to what her brain is asking them to do as they fumble against the ground until she ends up with the concrete against her back.

“Don’t worry.” Lillian says, kneeling down to grab Maggie’s gun from her hip. “We're going to have some fun, you and I.” She taunts.

And even though Maggie tries to fight it, all she can hear is Lillian talking, a familiar red dress and snake tattoos creeping into her blurry vision. Maggie manages to connect them with Veronica Sinclair, her heart rate skyrocketing at the realisation.

But trying to focus is like grasping at water, everything falling through the cracks the tighter Maggie tries to hold onto it.

“Does the agent know?” Roulette asks faintly.

“No. They know noth.... I think we can get awa... Lena will probab... Supergirl is our main concer... I’ll handle her.” Maggie can’t really hear Lillian, the sound warping around.

But Maggie tries again, the feeling of her body going limp scaring her more than the reality of being face to face with not one, but two killers right now.

“Then I want payback.” The red dressed vixen snarls out.

“All yours.” Lillian says courteously, motioning blurrily over the detective, the edges of Maggie's vision going black as Roulette leans over her with a smirk.

The fading light makes Maggie so scared, her heart racing in a body incapable of doing anything to relieve the fear. She's trapped, no way out and no one to help. She’s alone.

And everything goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter up in about 'however long it takes me to edit it' days :D


	2. Half Nights & Long Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV switch, always fun to leave a character hanging in the previous chapter right?? :'D  
> As always, let me know if something has to change or anything, and what ya think about it so far :)

“Hey Alex.” Kara says cheerfully, cape fluttering as she lands in the control room.

“Hi Kara.” Alex responds, a little distracted by the maps Winn has across his screen.

“What are you guys looking at this early on a Saturday?” Kara questions, clearly unhappy about her sisters lack of cheerfulness this morning.

“Nothing.” Alex starts, irritation burning in her chest when Winn speaks at the same time with a contradictory answer.

“Kryptonite.” He says, already flinching for the smack Alex gives his head.

Kara’s face contorts into a slightly frightened expression before adopting a serious frown as the hero steps up to Winn’s console. “Why are you looking for that?” She questions, glaring at the map on Winn’s screen.

And Alex knows there’s no point trying to keep the cat in the bag. Kara was going to find out eventually, Alex was just hoping she could have it handled first.

“Radiation scanners picked up something last night by the docks, we tried to track the source before we lost the trace.” Alex explains, trying to make it seem as routine as possible.

“Could it have been a glitch?” Kara asks, looking to Winn.

The tech nerd shrugs his shoulders sheepishly. “I guess so. That’s why we're just double checking.”

“Exactly. Nothing to worry about, as I said.” Alex urges. Last thing she needs is Kara deciding to go out there and try and track down trouble.

It hasn’t been long since the worldkillers and Alex just wants a damn break. Actually she thinks about a week and twelve scotch bottles to herself sounds about right.

“Okay then.” Kara states, seemingly happy with the answers she’s heard.

But she shouldn’t be. Alex knows her sister and kryptonite always gets more than an ‘Okay then’. And the more Alex looks, the more nervous Kara appears, hands fidgeting with her cape.

“What’s going on?” Alex questions, arms folding across her chest.

“Nothing.” Kara mumbles out unconvincingly.

“Kara.” Alex berates blandly, knowing her tone will get the young hero to open up.

“Okay okay.” Kara starts. “Is um.. is Sam still coming over next week for her whole Reign situation checkup?"

Alex is just about to answer, but Kara spins off on a ramble all of a sudden.

“You know, now that we’ve solved the worldkiller stuff it might be nice to see her and Ruby on a more relaxed basis, I mean you and her hit it off great and Ruby thinks you're awesome. We could all hang out after her checkup, or just you and her could do something, mayb-"

“Kara!” Alex cuts her sister off sharply. “What the hell are you on about?” She questions.

“Nothing.” Kara answers meekly, not holding her tongue very long before she’s spitting it all out. “I just think it might be good for you and Sam to hang out or something.”

Alex eyes Kara sceptically, not really liking where this is going. So she pulls her sister to the side of the control room where they can talk a little more privately, her arms folding across her chest a little in frustration.

“Hang out?” Alex asks with a raised eyebrow, her tone requesting clarification from her sister.

“You know what I mean.” Kara reasons exasperatedly. “You guys have a lot in common, she understands your work and knows about me. It could be a good thing Alex.”

The feeling of uneasiness that’s found a home in Alex’s chest ever since this conversation started suddenly seems like too much. Because Alex can’t help feeling that what Kara is suggesting could never be a good thing. It would be a lie. And at the bare minimum Sam is a friend, Alex won’t ruin that with a futile attempt at something she doesn’t even want herself.

“I don’t think it's a good idea.” Alex offers as a response, hoping that on this one occasion Kara won’t push the matter further. But Kara never lets things go.

“Why not?” the hero questions confusedly.

And Alex can see her sister running the calculations in her head, matching her and Sam together, with Ruby tying it all up in the middle.

“I just don’t want that. It doesn’t make sense.” Alex explains, knowing her answer won’t match up with the conclusion her sister has in her head.

Kara shakes her head like she's trying to figure it all out. “What do you mean? You like Sam, she’s great, you've said so yourself. And Ruby really likes you.” She tries reasoning. “I don’t get it. I thought you wanted that.”

Alex runs a hand through her hair, the way her heart is aching right now making her feel heavy and a little angry. Because she did want that. But it’s complicated now, like she's trying to understand a decision she can’t remember making.

“I said I wanted kids.” Alex clarifies, that statement at least making sense to her. “I never said I wanted someone else, someone other than Ma-" Alex cuts herself off, clenching her eyes shut for a moment to keep herself together.

That’s all she does these days, one hour to the next, keeping it together, or at least pretending to.

“Honestly, I don’t think the former is really worth it anymore.” Alex says, not really surprised by the words that come out of her mouth, seeing as they’ve been going through her mind for so long now.

“I don't understand.” Kara says, folding her arms over the front of her suit as she narrows her eyes in confusion.

And Alex can feel her emotions rising up, all the work she’s done over the last few months proving to be useless as thoughts of Maggie rush around her head like a song chorus on repeat. She’s avoided talking about it for a while now, hoping to god that one day she'd wake up and be able to breathe normally again. But the more time that passes by, the more Alex finds herself wishing she could live in the past and change the future she’s currently living in.

“I don’t want anyone else Kara.” Alex finally admits. “I want Maggie. And now with Jonn offering me Director, I have a chance to make a real difference out there.” She reasons, motioning out to the city beyond the balcony. “I mean look around, this is my life. I'm not gonna change that when things like your life is what’s at stake, when our family is at stake. I could never be that person. I don’t want to be.”

“What are you saying?” Kara asks, looking a little taken back by what she’s hearing.

And Alex finds herself repeating the same phrase she's been whispering, crying and yelling for weeks. She doesn’t know how many times she’s said it now, both in her head and out loud, but she says it with more certainty than she ever has before.

“I'm saying what I said from the moment I let Maggie walk out of our home.” Alex says quietly, her gaze finding the floor. She can't handle seeing any disappointment or pity on her sisters eyes. “I made a mistake. I was wrong.” She resolves.

But when Kara shakes her head, Alex cant help elaborating, the words spilling out against her better instincts to shut them away.

“I'm so tired Kara. I can barely sleep past the thinking and the nightmares. Even the shower scares me because I know she isn’t in the next room.” Alex admits, the stubbornness to not own up to being afraid only disregarded for the fact that it’s Kara she’s talking to. “Sometimes I just sit on the couch and imagine her dancing in the living room and most of the time I have to convince myself that drinking enough won’t actually make her appear there in front of me, that it’s just in my head.” she chokes out. “I miss feeling like I'm where I should be. And I just...I want her back.”

Alex can feel tears gathering against her eyelashes, the embarrassment burning heavily on her face at the fact that she’s at work. But Alex can’t help it, the hopelessness she’s focused on shutting out finally getting the better of her.

But Kara just tugs on Alex's sleeve, silently asking the agent to come with her. She leads Alex down the hall to the green room quietly. Talking in here had become a habit of theirs, the walls offering some semblance of privacy as opposed to the glass and steel much of the rest of the building is made from.

And when they get there, Alex is relieved when Kara pulls her into a crushing hug, the pain distracting her from everything, just for a second, before Kara pulls back and wipes at her sisters cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” Kara whispers gently. “I didn’t know you were feeling this way for so long.”

Alex tries to shrug it off, forcing herself to calm down and get herself back in order.

“It doesn’t matter.” Alex says sadly. “There's nothing to do about it.”

Kara grabs at Alex’s shoulders. “Yes there is!” she resolves. “You never give up on me, even when it gets bad. There have been times I said you weren’t my sister and yet here you are, by my side. So why are you giving up on this, why won’t you go to her?”

And Alex wants to. She’s spent weeks dreaming about the scenarios of seeing Maggie again. But when reality hits and she has the chance to act on any of it, Alex just can’t. She knows how all of this will have affected Maggie, knows that she doesn’t deserve to have the number she deleted from her phone weeks ago, because seeing it on her screen just broke her a little more each time she couldn’t find the courage to use it. 

“Maggie already gave me a second chance Kara. I left her because I was scared before and she told me. I had one chance and I blew it.” Alex explains, remembering how scared she was that Maggie could never forgive her. And the irony now just feels worse. “I told her to go. And I don’t deserve to be in her life after doing that Kara.” She explains, all the thoughts and conclusions Alex has spent all this time lying awake at night thinking over coming to the surface like a flood in the desert.

“It's Maggie. She loves you Alex, you just need to talk to her about it.” Kara urges gently. “Everyone makes mistakes.”

Alex shakes her head sadly. “Her parents did this to her, left her without a home or a family... what does that say about me? How am I supposed to go to her and say that was a mistake and that I want it to all go back to what it was like?” She chokes out.

“You apologize and you earn back her trust.” Kara reasons, the logic of the solution coming from a heart that doesn’t know Maggie like Alex’s does.

So Alex just finds herself crying at the solution her sister is offering, wishing there was some way of doing what Kara is saying. But there’s no way Maggie could ever love her again, not after this. And the hug Kara pulls her into doesn’t do much to help the sinking feeling in Alex’s chest.

“Sorry doesn’t fix those kinds of scars.” Alex murmurs against Kara’s shoulder, fingers clinging uselessly to her cape. “She probably hates me. And she deserves to.”

“Alex...” Kara starts, forcing the agent to look at her, hands cradling her face as she wipes at Alex’s tears. “I can’t say you can fix it. Maybe you're right and Maggie won’t forgive you.” She confirms, just adding to Alex’s turmoil. But Kara isn’t done, the hero shaking her head at her sister to stay quiet and let her finish. “But you have to try Alex. If you love her, you'll try.”

Alex cries again, grateful that she can collapse into Kara and let the tears stain her sister's suit. She doesn’t know how to keep it all in anymore, the pain and the anger meshing together and ripping at her heart as it cries out for the only person who could ever make it feel at peace.

She’s just so tired, half nights spent alone in cold sheets and long days going by without a warm smile, have finally gotten the better of Alex. So she can’t do much else besides stand here in Kara’s arms and let it all out.

Her stifled sobs sound so desperate in the quiet room, the only sounds echoing against the walls coming from the noise Alex is making and the soft assurances Kara is attempting to soothe her with.

So the pair tense a little when a voice breaks the bubble.

“Hey...” Winn says quietly from the door, looking like he’s about to start crying himself. “I'm sorry to interrupt, it’s just that Lena is here for you guys.”

Alex wipes her eyes harshly as she pulls back from Kara, straightening her stance and nodding at Winn who doesn’t look like he’s really buying her tough girl act. But it’s all Alex has got right now to get through the day.

“Okay, give us a second.” She tells Winn, smiling at him a little in reassurance when he gives her a pained look on his way out.

She's expecting Kara to lay into her about taking a break or something, but Alex is confused when her sister starts pacing the length of the sparring platform.

“What?” Alex questions, wiping at her cheeks to get rid of any remaining evidence.

“It's Lena. She’s only meant to be coming over here with Sam when she comes in. But she’s here now.” Kara states, her face and words panicked.

“And?” Alex prompts, not seeing the issue. It’s fairly normal for Kara to get flustered around the CEO. But this is just strange, even for them.

But Kara is still pacing, her head bowed in thought as her arms cross over her chest like she's a pouting teenager.

“What’s wrong with Lena?” Alex questions again, shoving her hands into her pockets as she shrugs her shoulders up to get Kara’s attention.

Kara stops dead, feet shuffling as she avoids Alex’s eyes. “Well I maybe, might've told her about... all of this.” Kara says, motioning over her suit.

Now that gets a reaction out of Alex, a slight panic rising in her chest at Kara’s reckless behaviour. And it isn’t because it’s Lena, it’s more that it’s anyone actually. The list of people who know seems to be constantly growing and it’s more mouths Alex has to worry about keeping shut.

“You what?!” She exclaims. “Kara what the hell! The whole point of a secret identity is that it’s secret!” Alex reiterates angrily.

But Alex’s worry isn’t met with any phrases she’s used to hearing from Kara. There's no ‘She’s my friend, I believe in her’ and no ‘She’s not like her family’. Both of which are points Alex will always be honest in saying she agrees with. Lena is not a threat because of who she is. But how she feels for Kara and vice versa, well that’s where the safety issue lies.

“She’s important Alex. Choosing to keep this from her would have been choosing to lose her.” Kara reasons quietly, eyes finding the floor.

And the way Kara’s shoulders slump forward, her features looking a little defeated even as she avoids looking up at her own words, makes Alex’s heart lurch for her little sister.

Because she knows that when it comes to Lena things are... complicated. And she just doesn’t want Kara getting hurt.  
But it’s done, the only way to protect her sister now is to move forward and take the problems as they come.

So Alex forces herself to calm down, taking a deep breath as she nudges Kara to get her attention.

“How did she take it?” She asks cautiously.

Kara shuffles in her boots for a moment, so many emotions running across her face that Alex struggles to make sense of them.  
But the young hero manages to find her voice amongst it all.

“I don’t know.” Kara mumbles out sadly. “She told me to leave Alex. She wouldn’t even look at me. It's been three days.”

And the pain that etches itself onto Kara's face as she tries not to cry hurts Alex too. She rushes forward to pull her sister into a hug, the usually strong kryptonian embrace Kara offers being replaced by the shaky hands of a girl who once lost everyone in her life.

But Alex knows Lena is different, she's seen the way she looks at Kara like the sun itself couldn't be brighter.

“She'll come around.” Alex assures softly, pulling back to hold her sisters face affectionately.

But no sooner has Alex said that, when Kara’s face suddenly scrunches up in concentration. And a few seconds go by where Kara tilts her head towards the hallway, listening to something Alex obviously can't hear.

Then, out of nowhere Kara starts panicking, eyes wide as she spins around to face the door, her cape smacking Alex in the face with the speed it flips around with.

“Hey!” Alex exclaims, shoving the fabric back towards her sister. “What the he-"

“She’s coming!” Kara exclaims wildly, arms motioning around as she tries to adjust her suit, without much success seeing as it’s not really adjustable.

“Just calm down.” Alex tries, raising her hands slightly to keep Kara from pacing.

“I am calm!” Kara exclaims, the smile on her face way too forced. “I'm fine, I mean I feel like there’s a kryptonite bomb in my chest, but it’s fine, do I look okay? Is my suit clean? Oh Rao is there still a smoke smell from my cape, Alex? I should change, where are my glas-"

Kara cuts her ramble off as the security door creaks open, the unmistakable sound of Lena’s shoes echoing across the DEO floor bringing a nervous tension to the air.

Kara shuffles sheepishly back behind Alex, her gaze finding the floor as her fingers fiddle with the edges of her cape. Alex notices the way Lena quickly looks over her sister before forcing her eyes away.

“Agent Danvers.” Lena says politely, a professional smile stretched over her face. “Sorry, Winn said I could find you here.”

“Lena.” Alex says curtly, feeling a little strange with this whole situation. It seems like just yesterday they were all hanging out for girl's night, the memory lost to everything that's been going on. “How can I help you today?”

“I actually think it's me who might be helpful.” Lena replies.

Alex watches as the CEO digs briefly into her purse, pulling out a small card and passing it over.

“I found this on my desk this morning. It's not exactly how I enjoy spending my Saturday evenings, but I figured it would be something pertaining to your interests.” Lena explains.

Alex eyes her curiously, flipping the card open. She scans the writing inside, feeling the uneasiness start burning in her chest before she’s done.

 

 _Ms Luthor,_  
_It would be an honour to see you at our annual battle royale this evening. Dress code is strictly formal and for the safety and privacy of other guests, we request that all attendees wear masks or head coverings to maintain anonymity. Betting will be optional but encouraged._

_East Pier, 8:00pm_

_Highest Regards,_  
_**Veronica Sinclair**_

 

“She’s back?” Alex questions tensely.

“Who?” Kara asks, stepping forward to grab at the invitation.

“Roulette.” Lena answers blandly, the distaste in her tone blatant and unhidden.

“And this is for tonight?” Alex asks.

Lena just nods, her eyes avoiding Kara as the hero hands the invitation back to Alex.

"The kryptonite at the docks... you think-" the hero starts, Alex cutting her off.

"Yeah I do. I don't want you there." Alex reasons, doing her best to glare Kara into submission. 

But the hero just gives her a look, eyes determined and shoulders squared. Kryptonite or no, Kara isn't staying behind tonight.

“Okay, I’ll get a team together and we'll get a plan in place.” Alex assures, nodding her thanks to Lena a little awkwardly because the CEO is focused on Kara.

“I’d like to be there tonight.” Lena says cautiously. “If that’s alright with you of course?”

Alex is pretty sure Lena is asking her, but the way she looks at Kara makes her unsure. Either way, when her sister looks up with a small spark of hope in her eyes, there’s no way Alex can deny Lena being around right now.

“Sure. You and Winn will probably be posted in the surveillance van though.” Alex says, her tone making it clear that their position is non negotiable. She can’t have either of them getting caught in the middle of anything.

“That's perfectly fine, thank you. I'll be here at six then?” Lena questions.

Alex nods. “We'll do a briefing then get everyone geared up for seven thirty roll out.”

“Very well.” Lena affirms.

She turns to leave and Alex watches the pained glances her and Kara share as the door closes after the CEO. Honestly, Lena knowing about Kara may be both the best and worst thing that could have happened right now. And Alex knows that what Kara said earlier is right, keeping that secret any longer would have meant the end of the line for them. But she hates seeing the way Kara’s shoulders shake as she tries not to cry, hates the look in her eyes that looks eerily like the one she wore as a teenager learning her place on a new planet.

“She'll come around.” Alex urges again sternly. Her voice forces Kara to listen and she’s grateful when the hero nods and straightens up a little.

“I know.” Kara mumbles out.

Alex is about to suggest some sparring but Kara sighs and starts for the door.

“I’m gonna fly around and find something to help with.” She says. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Alex says dismissively, waving her hand a little as if to prove the point. “I'm good.”

“Back in a couple hours for lunch?” Kara says hopefully.

Alex smiles softly. “I’ll get potstickers.” she promises.

Kara smiles back genuinely at that, a bit more of a bounce in her step as she heads out.

So now all Alex has to do is keep herself busy until tonight. A Saturday filled with no plans and no missions to distract her from the brain constantly raving on inside her head.

“Shit.” Alex mumbles to herself, taking a deep breath and heading back to the control room.

This is going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I proofread... nothing hahaha so please let me know if there’s anything major :)  
> Back to our favourite detective in the next chapter :D


	3. Battle Royale: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly a short filler chapter to set things up, as always let me know what you think or if anything needs fixing and whatnot. Hope you like the angst ;)

“Wake up!” A loud voice booms, shaking Maggie from her restless sleep.

The hulking guard moves down the rows of cells, Maggie counts about fifteen of them in total since she got here two... three days ago? She can’t remember, her schedule about as messed up as her head without much sleep. And food, god the things Maggie would give for a sandwich right now... But all that ever slides beneath the bars is dirty water and hushed crying from whoever is trapped here.

Maggie shuffles up off the dusty floor to sit cross legged, hugging her knees tight to her chest in an attempt to keep warm. So it’s night time then, it’s always cold at the docks when it’s late.

At least that’s where Maggie hopes she is.

She's spent most of her time here being tossed around at Roulette’s command, her ribs bruised and aching, something not really moving the right way in her shoulder.

All of Maggie's attempts to tempt the insufferable woman into a personal altercation has resulted in Veronica simply sending a lackey to do her dirty work. But Maggie can't figure out why she's not dead yet. It's not like Lillian or Veronica have any issues getting rid of people who get in their way...

So why grab her at the docks? And why not just kill her? But it’s not like Maggie is even capable of piecing it all together right now. She doesn’t even know how long she’s been in here, doesn’t know how long they had her out for. Hell, that could have been last week for all Maggie really knows.

“It's showtime boys, girls and all in between!” The guard grins as he makes his way back down the row, his taser gun crackling against the bars a few cells down from Maggie. “So I hope you're all ready for a good time!”

And something tells Maggie that the ‘good time’ isn’t really going to be for them, the sound of voices slowly drifting in from behind the steel doors ahead making her uneasy. And is that music she can hear... it definitely is.

Maggie connects the dots, the aliens in the cells around her, the crowd she can hear gathering outside.

Roulette’s battle royale must be starting soon.

“And you.” The guard drawls out, his short and dark hair looking even greasier now that he’s leaning against the door to Maggie’s cage. “You're in for something special tonight, little lady.”

“The only ‘little’ thing out of the two of us, is in between your legs.” Maggie shoots back, flinching when the guard sees fit to lunge through the bars and stick the taser against her side.

“You'll get what’s coming you bitch!” He snaps out as Maggie tries to hold in a scream, her body falling back to the floor of the cell.

He smiles coldly as he saunters back out to where it sounds like the small crowd is getting anxious for the night to start.

Maggie groans as she rolls onto her back to try and breathe. She winces and grabs at her side, willing her muscles to stop spasming.

And as the minutes pass and voices get louder, the music blaring, Maggie can start to feel the tension growing between all the cells. Because she knows that the prisoners in here won’t be fighting the people out there, they'll be fighting each other... that's why she's still alive.

Because Maggie knows that Veronica wants payback for all the years she's spent shutting her down. That fact is what scares Maggie the most right now. Because if Veronica Sinclair wanted you dead... well you usually end up that way. And this event would be just the place to show her reach and political power by murdering a detective and getting away with it.

“Shit.” Maggie mumbles up at the steel beams and corrugated ceiling, wishing she had thought to at least tell someone about this before coming to the docks.

But she tried the DEO. And Maggie vaguely remembers Lillian and Veronica talking about Kara and Lena, so hopefully it'll at least be on their radar... on Alex’s radar.

All she can really do now is hope someone turns up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter up in a few days, cause I know this one was really short, I'm just editing and checking, so keep an eye out :)  
> Plus there's a short Halloween fic going up later today as well... :D


	4. Battle Royale: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so theres two parts in this and they overlap, just in case anyone is wondering about the timing of it all.  
> As always let me know what you think and if I need to fix anything up, otherwise I hope you like it :)

“Get up.” The guard orders, the bars of Maggie’s cell swinging open.

The detective eyes the situation, trying to figure a way out of this. But there’s guards everywhere and she barely has energy to stay awake, let alone fight her way out.

“I said get up!” the guard yells, his hands reaching down and hauling Maggie onto her feet.  
He shoves her out of the cell and marches her towards a steel door.

Maggie can hear people cheering outside, the sound of Veronica’s voice on a microphone echoing in Maggie’s ears as the guard holds her in place and seems to wait.

A few seconds pass before two more guards show up, tasers raised as they guide a huge grey alien to stand beside Maggie. He seems half human, at least in form, but his yellow eyes and ridged skin make for an intimidating presence. And he’s at least twice Maggie's size, there’s no way she’s winning a fight against this...

“Ladies and gentlemen, as a warm up to our main event, I have a small surprise for you all.” Veronica entertains from the other side of the door. “I'm pleased to present our crowd favourite to the ring, ruthless and unbeaten, I give to you, Drax!”

The alien beside Maggie gives her a glare, shoving past her as the guards open the door and let him through.

Maggie leans into the doorway, trying to see anything, or anyone who could get her out of this. But all she sees are smirks beneath masks, the noise deafening as they cheer Drax into the fighting cage.

“Not looking so tough now sweetheart.” The guard behind Maggie leers.

Maggie just steels her jaw, hands fisting at her sides to hide the way they’re shaking. She’s scared. Her fear leaping into her throat as Veronica speaks up again.

“And his competitor, a hassle for many of you I'm sure.” Veronica jokes dryly, earning a laugh from the crowd. “The very Detective who has worked alongside not only Gotham’s dark knights, but National City's very own, Supergirl!”

The crowd boos, the sound of a few glasses smashing at the mention of Kara filling Maggie’s ears.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Detective Maggie Sawyer!” Veronica announces.

The guard reaches out and pulls the door open, shoving Maggie through with his free hand. It’s a hard push, so the detective ends up stumbling onto her hands and knees on the dusty concrete of the fighting cage.

And the sound of the crowd screaming at her is thunderous, the faces behind the masks all contorted as they yell and cheer until Veronica silences them with a raised hand.

She isn’t wearing her familiar red dress, instead having opted for a dark maroon suit, tailored minutely to fit every edge on the heiress.

“Now we all know the rules here at the battle royale...” Veronica taunts, glaring over her shoulder at Maggie as she gives the detective a triumphant smirk through the bars. “It’s kill, or be killed.”

And with that, Maggie feels her heart race when Drax suddenly charges at her. She ducks out from under his arms, stumbling backwards as she tries to keep her footing. He ends up crashing into the cage bars, his yell of pain at the electric shock they shoot through him making Maggie’s skin crawl as he stumbles back into the middle of the ring.

“We don’t have to do this!” She tries yelling to the alien.

“I don’t have to do anything.” Drax growls out deeply. “I choose to.”

He lunges at Maggie again and she ends up having to roll out of the reach of his fists, clambering back onto her feet and raising her hands defensively. There’s no way she can take him head on, she’s tired and she can feel her legs shaking from just holding up her weight.

So she does her best, trying to move around Drax, stay out of reach, but it doesn’t last long. She braces as the alien throws a heavy fist towards her, arm raised and ready to deflect it and use the momentum to move away, but she isn’t expecting the knee Drax smashes into her stomach.  
Maggie crumples to the floor, her breath ripped away completely as she clings to her ribs. The pain is excruciating, but Maggie can’t even scream past the tears and attempted gasps her lungs are forcing in.

So there’s nothing she can do when Drax hauls her up by the front of her shirt and throws her across the concrete.

Vaguely Maggie can hear the crowd cheer, her ears ringing as she forces herself onto her back, staring up at the corrugated ceiling. The pain in her chest makes it impossible to move any further, tears running down the sides of her cheeks as Drax marches over to her.

He sneers down at her before raising his arms to the crowd, demanding the applause they happily give him.

“Nothing personal.” Drax sneers, leaning down and grabbing Maggie’s neck.

He lifts her up, Maggie unable to do anything other than grip at his hand as her boots scrape the floor. She tries choking breaths in against the force of his hand, but can’t get anything in. Her lungs are on fire, the tears that stream down her face contradicting the burning in Maggie’s chest. And she can feel her body lashing out, trying to get free, but it’s not enough, the edges of her vision blurring as her chest starts to feel like it’s going to explode.

The darkness creeping into the edges of her mind are frightening, Maggie trying everything she can to hold onto the noise of the crowd, the pain at her ribs, but it all starts fading into something far worse.

And she can feel it all slipping away, her heart offering her memories as a last comfort. But the only thing that sticks, the only thing that makes Maggie hold on just a moment longer, is seeing Alex smiling at her, the sun reflecting off her hair as she laughs.

Maggie forces herself to hold on just a little more, so she can see that...

 

~~~~~~~

 

“Everyone ready?” Alex questions, her eyes looking over everyone in the van as it jerks to a stop.

The agents in tactical hear all nod, filing out of the van doors quietly to surround the warehouse.

“You two gonna be okay?” She questions, looking to Lena and Winn who are hastily setting up laptops and earpieces.

They both nod, Winn making Alex roll her eyes with the thumbs up he gives a little too enthusiastically.

“Okay then.” Alex calls over the comms as she hops out of the van. “Lets do this.”

Agents all swarm to their assigned positions, a team hugging the side of the dockyard warehouse and another piling against the back door ahead.

There’s music blaring from the structure, lights shining brightly out of the dirty windows. And Alex knows things are probably going to get a little messy with that many civilians inside, but this is the first real chance they’ve had at Veronica Sinclair in a long time. The risk is worth it.

“On three.” Alex calls over the comms, checking her gun one last time. “One... two... three.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of the battle next chapter, I'll get it up as soon as possible (next weekend by the latest.)  
> And Maggie will be fine, I promise! I'm just being angsty don't worry :)


	5. Battle Royale: Part Three

“On three.” Alex calls over the comms, checking her gun one last time. “One... two... three.”

Alex turns her head away as a small explosive charge blows the side door off it hinges.

The cheering from inside the warehouse quickly turns to screaming, everyone rushing to get out as the DEO teams storm in. But corrupted as they may be, these people are still important, so Alex bites back the urge to just toss smoke and flash grenades into the mix.

“Watch the civilians!” Alex yells into the comms as she charges through the door. “Evacuate everyone, Supergirl and I will get eyes on Sinclair!”

Trying to get through everyone is proving to be difficult, the music that blares overhead scratching and warping before it cuts out and leaves a lot of yelling and panic filling Alex's ears.

But she focuses and aims down her rifle sights to take down the guards who fire down from the scaffolding above the room. They tumble over the railings and crash onto the tables below, all the formally dressed guests ducking as shots fire from all directions.

Not another second goes by when Kara suddenly crashes through the ceiling, landing squarely in front of Alex and glaring across the room as she blocks a bullet from hitting her sister.

And as Alex focuses around the room, searching for a target with Kara protecting her back, she sees a massive cage on the end of the warehouse, raised slightly above the spectator floor like a stage.

But it’s not that which makes her drop her gun down to her hip so she can see better, because she knew this place would be set up for fighting matches, she knew Veronica Sinclair's operation would be set up like this.

The only thing Alex wasn’t expecting to see is dark hair, a familiar leather jacket, her heart leaping into her throat in recognition...

Alex isn't ready to see Maggie being thrown to the ground, a massive grey hulk of an alien dropping her body like it’s nothing, Alex's heart following suit as it cracks and falls to the floor.

“Maggie!” Alex screams, trying to push past all the panicking guests.

A guard shoves his way towards her, knife drawn. But Alex is so focused on getting to Maggie that she doesn’t see him coming, the blade catching her arm as he swings at her.

The pain reels her around to face him, hands instinctively trying to raise her gun. But he blocks it easily, tucking the barrel under the back of his arm and shoving his elbow back into Alex’s face.

She stumbles backwards, not having much time before she has to duck under another swing, the sound of the knife flying over her head sounding like paper in the wind. But she takes the opportunity to charge forward into the guards exposed side, both of them falling to the floor at the impact as the knife clatters to the floor.

He’s bigger than she is, so Alex tries pinning him down, but ends up being thrown over into the ground with his knee pressing painfully onto her chest. Her gun is pinned uselessly by her side, the strap caught under the guards knee as his hands find their way to Alex's neck.

She lashes out, arms swinging up to try land a hit, but it’s no use. And her legs can’t even wrap over his body to pull him over, so Alex’s mind races to find a way out.

There’s no one around, all the guests having been moved out by the DEO teams and Kara handling a group of guards on the other side of the warehouse.

But an offer of escape ends up coming in the form of the guards knife, lying a couple feet away from her. And Alex knows she hasn’t got much time before the lack of oxygen will beat her, so she reaches out for the blade, her fingers grasping just out of reach of the handle as it swivels slightly on the concrete. It's too far...

But as Alex struggles to reach, she sees Maggie lying there in the cage, the sight of her driving something deep inside of Alex to the surface, forcing her to reach out harder, her shoulder screaming in protest as she forces her fingers onto the knife.

She grasps it tightly, swinging up as hard as she can to plunge the steel into the guards neck.

Blood sprays out everywhere as his eyes go wide and he stumbles backwards off of Alex, the sudden rush of air into the agents lungs burning like fire.

But she doesn’t waste time worrying about finishing him off, her main focus turning back to Maggie as she crawls back up onto her feet.

“Sinclair is escaping through the West docks!” Winn calls over the comms.

Alex skids to a stop, glancing in panic between Maggie and the huge alien standing over her, then to the West side exit door to her right.

“Maggie is okay! I'll handle this, get Sinclair!” Kara decides for her, already speeding towards the fight cage.

And Alex knows Kara stands a better chance against whatever that alien is, knows she’ll help Maggie and keep the unconscious detective safe.

So she forces her head into action over her heart and makes a run for the exit, slamming through at full speed onto the docks.

She spots Roulette climbing onto a motorcycle a distance away, but there’s no way Alex is reaching her before it’s too late. So Alex kneels down, hoisting her gun up and locking it into her shoulder.  
She’s taken harder shots, but this one really needs to count. So Alex takes a deep breath, steadies... and fires.

The shot lands perfectly, the back wheel of Roulette’s bike spinning out as the bullet collides with it. The engine screams across the docks, Alex sprinting towards the sound when the bike crashes into a shipping container.

Roulette crawls away from the wreck, tugging her helmet off before collapsing onto her back as Alex approaches, gun raised in defence.

“It’s over.” Alex states, training her sights on Roulette's chest in case she tries anything.

But the woman just laughs, throwing her head back against the pavement with the sound.

“You really think I didn’t know you were coming?” She questions. “Lillian knew Lena would tell you about tonight. And it’s only just begun...” She taunts.

Alex frowns a little in confusion, still keeping her gun up even as a DEO unit screeches up in a van and hauls Roulette into the back.

“Get her into a cell.” Alex orders blandly, watching in satisfaction as the van drives off towards the city.

She wonders what Roulette meant by ‘it's only just begun', but she doesn’t get long to think about it before Winn is screaming at her over the comms.

“Kara needs you!” He yells.

“What?!” Alex yells back, even as she starts running back to the warehouse.

“It’s Lillian, she has a kryptonite suit!” Winn panics out. “The scanners are freaking out!”

Alex practically feels her heart stop in her chest, her stride faltering a little before she forces herself to run even faster and charge into the door to the warehouse.

But it doesn’t budge, the lock firmly set no matter how hard Alex tries to push through. She steps back and shoots at the handle. Nothing.

“Shit!” Alex yells, rushing at the door again, her side screaming in protest at the force it hits the steel with.

And a wave of desperation rips through her chest when a painful and familiar scream fills the warehouse, the sound creeping out past the corrugated steel and into Alex’s heart.

“Kara!” Alex yells out, her hand pulling uselessly at the door handle. "Maggie!"

But nothing gives way, the sound of Kara’s scream still echoing in Alex’s head.

And the feeling of hopelessness at not being able to reach her sister and the girl she loves, drives Alex over the edge as she yanks at the thing separating her from Kara and Maggie, her yelling mostly incoherent as the door stands staunchly against her attempts to get inside.

Alex can’t get in, she can’t get to Kara, she can't get to Maggie.

And the warehouse is silent...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaanndd more angst... sorry.. kinda.. just a little :'D  
> Next chapter up soon :)


	6. Battle Royale: Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always let me know what you think or if I gotta fix anything :)

Maggie can feel her fingers, relief spreading through her chest as they twitch against the concrete. She's alive.

She has to force her eyes open, dust swirling a little in front of her as she breathes painfully. And Maggie groans as she tries to get her hands under herself. God her chest feels like it’s in a vice, being crushed mercilessly.

But it only takes a few seconds for Maggie to get pulled out of her pain filled haze, the sight of Kara filling her vision, well Kara in her suit that is.

And there’s some relief at the realisation the hero is here, Maggie taking a moment to try and breathe. 

And she can see Kara landing punch after punch on Drax’s body, the alien not standing up all that well against the kryptonian as he crumples to his knees and falls face first onto the floor.

Kara’s attention quickly turns her way, the hero rushing over and kneeling down beside Maggie.

“Are you okay?” She asks, hands hovering cautiously over the detective's body.

“I don't think so.” Maggie forces out, each word ripping at her chest like a knife.

“Okay, we'll get hel-"

Kara flies back suddenly, crashing into the cage walls, the bars sparking with electricity as the her back smashes into them. And Maggie knows kind of shock could have killed Kara had she not been a kryptonian.

So she watches helplessly as Lillian Luthor strides into view, her black clothes covered in a green glowing exo-suit. Kryptonite.

Maggie tries forcing herself up at the realisation that Kara will be defenceless against this, her legs giving out and pulling her back down to the ground as the detective's hands fumble against the concrete.

“Come now detective, just stay there and wait your turn.” Lillian mutters, kicking Maggie in the stomach to force her back onto the ground with a stifled scream and tears.

But Kara is up, swaying a little before she gets her footing and makes a lunge for Lillian.

She ends up grappling the front of the kryptonite suit, the green etching itself up the hero's neck as she tries to take Lillian down.

And Kara is strong, her hands buckling the metal beneath her fingers slightly as the pair fight. But the kryptonite is too much, it’s effect too damning. So when Lillian forces a knee up into Kara’s stomach, the hero collapses to the floor with a thud as she gasps for air.

And Maggie feels the adrenalin spike in her veins as Lillian pulls a green shard from her suit, kneeling down and pressing her knees into Kara’s shoulders to keep her down.

“This is for ruining my life.” Lillian sneers, running the makeshift blade over Kara’s arm.

The scream the hero let’s out makes Maggie’s blood boil, the anger at someone hurting the youngest Danvers enough to force her up onto her hands and knees.

“And this,” Lillian raises the kryptonite over Kara’s crest, ready to plunge it down. “Is for ruining my daughter.”

Kara’s face contorts in fear, everything happening in a split second as Maggie forgets all about the way her ribs tear inside her chest as she pushes up onto her feet and moves, slamming herself into Lillian’s side and shoving her off the hero as they tumble to the ground again.

Her back slams down against the concrete, the air ripping from her lungs like a bullet being fired. But the pain at her stomach where the kryptonite blade digs into her flesh is too much for Maggie to bear on top of everything, her head falling back to the concrete as a scream catches in her throat, the tears falling painfully down her cheeks. 

But Lillian isn’t down for long, the anger on her face directed at Maggie as the detective pulls the kryptonite from her body with a whimper and tosses it out into the warehouse past the cage bars, trying to at least buy some time for someone to get here and help Kara out of this.

“What is it with you people and not knowing when to give up?.” Lillian snarls out, hauling Maggie up by her jacket. “I'm so tired of you getting in the way.” 

Maggie tries hitting at Lillian’s suit, the effort not gaining her anything other than bruised knuckles and a sharp punch to the cut in her stomach, the action pulling a stifled cry from Maggie as she chokes on the pain that rips through her.

Lillian drops Maggie to her knees as the detective groans at the unbelievable pain spreading over her body, not willing to give the Luthor matriarch the satisfaction of hearing her scream.

“You're worthless, barely worth the effort of killing you, but you irritate me profusely.” Lillian growls out, wrapping a hand around Maggie’s throat. “You've gotten in my way for the last time.” She snarls, throwing Maggie back into the cage.

The force of hitting the bars is quickly lost to the excruciating pain that burns through Maggie as the electricity courses through her body. And somewhere in the back of her mind she begs for the pain to stop, begs for it to be over...

And then it’s all too much, everything going dark again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Alex in the next one for the end of the battle royale section.  
> Its just angst I promise, don't freak out too much :)
> 
> Next chapter up soon :D


	7. Battle Royale: Final Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm too tired to check this, so hope it works okay, let me know if there's issues :D  
> Please don't freak out, just keep reading until the end of the chapter. I promise it's all fine :)

“Kara! Maggie!” Alex screams again and again, refusing to stop trying to pull down the door keeping her from her from getting into the warehouse.

“Winn! Get this damn door open now!” Alex screams over the comms.

“I'm trying! There's firewalls!” He yells back into Alex’s ears. “I can't override the lock!”

Alex punches at the door in anger and frustration, her head running through her options on what to do. But she doesn’t come up with anything before she’s being shoved aside.

“Move!” Lena yells at her, pulling her back from the door.

“I have t-" Alex tries.

“Just move!” Lena demands, pulling Alex back until they’re a small distance from the door.

Alex watches in shock as the CEO swings a rocket launcher from her back and hauls it onto her shoulder.

Lena takes a second to aim before pulling the trigger, a loud boom echoing around her and Alex as the launcher shoots a round at the door, the side of the warehouse erupting in flames as it explodes.

The force pushes Alex and Lena back a little, both shielding their eyes against the explosion before looking back to the building.

There’s no thought or hesitation in Alex’s mind as she races towards the warehouse, desperate to get to Maggie and Kara. And she not all that surprised when Lena is right there beside her.

Getting through the carnage is a little difficult, Alex feeling the heat against her legs and hands as she shifts things out of the way to get inside. But eventually she stumbles into the warehouse and rushes for the fight cage where Kara is on her knees as she holds Lillian in a headlock, the kryptonite that snakes up the hero’s neck and cheeks pulling Alex’s fear to the surface.

She scrambles up to the entry gate, the sight of Maggie still lying unconscious ripping at Alex’s heart as she shoots at the electronic lock to get inside. It sparks and smokes out as the gate unlocks and Alex hauls it open.

Lillian glares as Alex rushes in, grabbing the ex Luthor-Corp CEO by the front of her kryptonite suit, pulling her up out of Kara’s weak hold and landing a punch squarely against her temple to make her crumple to the floor, completely knocked out.

“Are you okay?” Lena rushes towards Kara, keeping her from falling to the floor totally as the CEO's hands find the hero’s neck, forcing her to look up.

Alex kneels down to check her sister, the kryptonite embedded in the cut on her arm concerning the agent the most at this point.

But Kara keeps trying to sit up, her hand lifting to try and do something.

“Stop moving.” Alex orders sternly, irritated Kara won’t keep still long enough for her to pry the large pieces of kryptonite from her skin... at least until the hero mumbles something out.

“Sh- she’s not brea- breathing." Kara chokes out, her hand reaching limply for Maggie on the other side of the cage.

“What?” Alex panics, scrambling on her hands and knees to reach Maggie.

She’s lying face down, so Alex pulls the detective over onto her back, resisting the urge to collapse at the feeling of Maggie’s body rolling limply in her hands, her face bruised and dirty. Alex leans her ear down to the detective's mouth to listen and focuses her eyes along Maggie's chest to check for the rise and fall.

But there’s nothing.

“No, no, no.” Alex begs, pulling back and placing her hands squarely on Maggie’s chest, her training kicking in and taking over from her panic.

“Don’t you dare!” Alex yells as she presses down, counts, presses down, counts, until she needs to tilt Maggie’s head back and force a breath into her lungs.

And the feeling of Maggie’s lips against hers isn’t what Alex thought it would be after all this time, no relief or calm finding a place in her heart. There’s just an overwhelming sense of desperation for a gasp, just a single breath.

Alex can feel the tears falling down her cheeks and onto Maggie’s face, but she doesn’t care as she pulls back and starts again, presses down, counts, presses down, counts, presses down, counts, repeating until she leans back down to Maggie’s lips and breathes out, once twice.

“You can’t do this!” Alex screams at the girl below her, begging for something to spark in Maggie’s chest as she carries on with the compressions.

Still nothing.

She keeps pressing down, counting, pressing down, counting, pressing down, counting, pressing down...

“Alex...” Kara murmurs, suddenly placing a hand over the ones Alex has moving over Maggie's heart.

“No!” Alex yells, her hands moving on their own at this point, demanding that Maggie’s heart beats beneath her palms. “Not her, not like this!”

“Alex.” Kara says firmly, wrapping her sister in a hug and pulling her away from Maggie as Alex screams out for the detective.

“She’s gone Alex.” Kara cries quietly, rocking back and forth with Alex in her arms as Lena drags her mother away from the trio, disgust and anger written all over her face.

“I can’t... she can’t be...” Alex begs, clinging to Kara’s cape, the tears heavy on her face as she refuses to accept any of this, still fighting against Kara’s arms to get back to Maggie.

“I can’t hear anything Alex.” Kara whispers brokenly. “I'm sorry, so sorry.” She cries.

And Alex breaks down at that, the knowledge that Maggie doesn’t have a heartbeat right now tearing her apart at the seams.

But she can’t stop herself from wrestling free of Kara’s weakened grip and clambering on her hands and knees back to the girl she loves, letting her hands grab Maggie’s arms and wrap under her shoulders to pull the detective up into her chest.

“Please don’t leave me again.” Alex cries into Maggie’s hair, sobbing as she holds her close, wanting nothing more than to feel the detective's breathing against her neck, to feel Maggie's arms around her waist.

“I promise I'll figure it all out, just don’t go.” Alex begs, pulling Maggie away from her shoulder and brushing her hair back like all the times she’s done before. “Please stay.” She whispers.

And honestly, someone could say the world was ending at this moment and Alex would still say the feeling of not having Maggie's heart beating against her own is worse.

She lets her forehead fall against Maggie’s, her tears dripping onto Maggie’s cheeks as her heart destroys itself from the inside out. It feels like an entire universe is imploding in her chest. And Alex is helpless to keep it from doing anything else, until...

Alex leans down a little closer, her mouth fractions away from Maggie’s own. And when Alex feels soft breaths hitting her lips, she scrambles a hand to the detectives chest.

And sure enough, Maggie’s heart beats faintly beneath her fingertips.

Alex cries out at the proof, just pulling Maggie in close and crying as she tells herself it’s all okay, she’s okay.

But when Maggie groans in pain, Alex has to carefully pull away, urging the detective's shoulders back down onto the floor.

“Alex?” Maggie chokes out quietly, hand reaching blindly at her side.

Alex grabs her searching fingers gently, squeezing in reassurance as she sobs over the detective.

“I got you Mags, it’s okay.” Alex whispers, not quite sure what to make of the look of relief and fear that mixes on Maggie’s face.

But she doesn’t get the chance to question it when the detective falls back unconscious, her eyes rolling a little in her head.

And Alex quickly takes note of the blood soaking Maggie’s shirt, her hands pushing the fabric out of the way to see.

It isn’t too bad, the kryptonite riddled cut stretching about three inches along Maggie’s hip, it'll need stitches but it doesn’t seem deep enough to have done any serious damage.

But the bruising Alex can see making its way to the surface of Maggie’s skin, as a half doctor Alex recognizes a chest injury anywhere. And if it’s worse than it looks, then Maggie is in serious trouble.

“Get an evac unit in here now!” Alex orders over the comms, not really paying attention to whatever Winn responds with, too concerned with Maggie’s breathing and keeping her hands from shaking as she holds the detectives head off the concrete gently.

“I got you.” Alex mumbles. “Just hold on Maggie, you're gonna be okay. I got you.” She repeats, hoping beyond anything else that her words are getting through.

But her heart still sinks in her chest when Kara pulls her away to let the medics through, let them lift Maggie a little roughly onto a stretcher and run the detective out to the SUV parked on the docks with it's sirens blaring, it’s tyres screeching on the pavement as it takes off for the DEO.

And without her hands on Maggie, Alex can feel the panic rising in her chest without the reassurance that she’s still alive. But all she can do is shuffle into the van alongside Lena and Winn, the pair holding Kara up between them. And Alex is just watching as the three of them talk to her but not really hearing the words, the shock and adrenalin making her clench her fists on the edge of the seat as Lena turns her attention to Kara.

All Alex can do is wait as they drive and hope when they get back to the DEO that Maggie will be okay.

And the ten minute trip takes an eternity, the DEO team quiet in an attempt to avoid the storms Alex can feel raging behind her eyes.

_She’s okay, she’s okay, she’s okay._

Over and over again, Alex just keeps repeating the phrase like prayers on a Sunday.

Eventually they pull into the secure parking lot and file out of the van, Alex making a break for the elevators and pacing anxiously until the doors roll open and she can punch a button for the control room. Kara falls messily onto a waiting stretcher, her hand holding tightly to Lena's as they join Alex.

The small med team taking care of Kara file into the elevator behind Alex, the agent cramming herself into the corner and clenching her jaw as she waits to get upstairs and get to the med bay and make sure Maggie is alright.

The control room staff all clear a path when the elevator opens, Lena instructing the medical staff to take Kara down the hall to one of the labs so she can get all the kryptonite out.

“Are you okay with that?” Alex questions, even as she recognizes the determination in Lena’s eyes as she looks over Kara.

“I got it. She’ll be fine.” Lena assures. “You check on your girl and I'll look after mi-...” she trails off, her eyes flitting in a rare instance of nerves at the implied statement.

Alex just feels a rush if relief that she can trust someone with her sister, her heart burning to be with Maggie right now.

“Okay.” Alex affirms, nodding for Lena to get going and catch onto the med team.

The CEO rushes off, her usual heel clicks replaced by the dull thud of her tactical boots.

The sound echoes slightly as Alex storms towards the stairs on the other side of the control room. She can hear the doctors in the med bay giving orders, equipment crashing around a little and all Alex wants to do is get to Maggie.

But as she starts to climb the stairs, a hand on her arm pulls her back.

“Alex wait.” Jonn urges.

“Maggie I gotta go, sh-"

“She’s okay.” Jonn assures, interjecting cautiously. “The surgeons are stitching her up and there's a few fractured ribs, but she’s okay.”

Alex nods, the tears that have been building all this time forcing their way out as Alex let's herself collapse into Jonn’s arms. And he let's her cry, right there in the control room for all the agents to see. But Alex couldn't care less, the relief in her heart at knowing Maggie is alive right now far more important than any pride Alex has left.

But soon she finds a different emotion building, the tightness in her chest transferring to her fists as they clench at her sides when she pulls away from Jonn.

“I want to speak with Lillian.” She demands, already marching to the holding cells before Jonn says yes.

Even if he said no, Alex would see the woman who almost took her girls away from her. And she would make sure she pays for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is alive! Always a good thing :'D  
> We start getting into the real angsty Sanvers stuff from here on out, so hope everyone is looking forward to that :D


	8. One Question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the best chapter but a pissed off Alex is kinda necessary so...  
> Let me know if I need to fix anything as always :)

“Ah, Agent Danvers.” Lillian remarks curtly, her bruising eye bringing a wave of satisfaction to Alex’s chest. “To what do I owe the honour?”

“Cut the shit Lillian.” Alex barks, slamming the interrogation door shut behind her.

“No need to be rude. I'm sure this will all be resolved soon and we can go about our business.” Lillian offers with a smile about as real as a cure for cancer.

Alex scoffs and drags a chair out from the steel table, sitting down staunchly in front of the ex CEO. “The only place you're going is a cell, about five floors down. One step closer to hell, I'm sure you'll feel right at home.” She retorts.

“Well then, I'm sure I'll be seeing you soon enough then.” Lillian taunts, her eyes glancing smugly over the cut on Alex’s arm from her fight with the guard.

And Alex is struggling, her knuckles white as she keeps herself from lashing out at the smirk stretched across Lillian’s face. She can feel the blood running down her arm, seeping into the suit. But she wants to know why this all happened, the question burning a hole in her stomach.

But she knows this is all a game, one she has to tempt Lillian into playing. And there’s only one way Alex can think to do that.

“I'll give you one question.” She offers the Luthor matriarch. “I'll answer whatever you ask. If you tell me what you were actually trying to pull off tonight.”

Lillian leans back in her chair at that, the chains restraining her to the table rattling at the action.

“Interesting proposition.” She remarks, looking to the ceiling as she thinks.

“Its not like it worked. We won.” Alex reasons blandly. “At least this way you get something to entertain you in your cell.”

Lillian just smirks, her silence frustrating Alex to no end until she finally decides to speak up.

“Ms Sinclair and myself are quite old friends, as you know.” Lillian offers coyly. “And your sister... well she’s a problem we both agreed could be taken care of. And without your dear father around to help us anymore, this opportunity was far too great to pass up."

“What have you done with my dad?!” Alex demands, slamming her fists on the table in frustration at the mention of her father. It’s been so long since anything about him has come to light, the mere mention of it driving Alex's determination through the roof.

But Lillian just shrugs calmly. “If he isn’t with you, then I don’t know where he is.” She remarks. “And you can choose right now, either we discuss tonight, or we discuss him.”

Alex snarls across the table, the rage burning in her chest. And she has a deep urge to know all she can about Jeremiah, the loss digging deep in her chest. But it hasn’t seemed like Cadmus has had him for a long time, so as much as Alex hates it, she believes Lillian when she says she doesn’t know where her father is. She also knows there’ll be time for her to get any information Lillian has about him, Alex intent on seeing her behind bars form here on out. And the worry she has for Maggie is still stabbing at her heart, so there's hardly any thought as she growls out am answer.

“Why tonight? Why Sinclair?” Alex questions, making her choice of discussion clear.

Lillian smirks, tilting her head in amusement.

“Veronica had the capability to provide the distraction for you and your teams, an elaborate set up that would draw Supergirl right into the heart of the conflict.” Lillian explains sort of proudly. “Of course we knew you would be there, hence her escape, although I must credit you for such fine shooting.”

Alex sets her jaw, slumping against the back of her chair.

“I don’t need your praise, get on with it.” Alex spits.

Lillian scoffs, eyes rolling at Alex’s tone. “Well my role was of course of optimal importance. Thanks to Lex, I provided the means to resolve Veronica and I's Supergirl issue.” She explains half heartedly. “Came damn close too.” She smirks out.

“What does any of this have to do with Detective Sawyer?” Alex grinds out angrily.

“Oh!” Lillian exclaims. “Well she’s collateral, usually is that one. Quite the annoying habit of showing up when she isn’t welcome, saving your sister and whatnot.” She waves dismissively.

Alex holds her breath, teeth grinding in anger at the woman across from her as she continues.

“Although I believe she did try and warn you, tried calling twice. Silly girl.” Lillian laughs dryly. “And I suppose Veronica was pleased at the chance for a little revenge, which I must say is a motive we share when it comes to the detective. A cop that can’t be bought isn't a cop I like to keep around.” She reasons, apparently not caring about the way Alex’s hands fist on the table as she carries on. “But honestly, I think we both know the world would have been none the wiser if I had just sent her to the bottom of the harbour four days ago.”

Alex can’t control herself at that, her hands reaching across the table on their own to grab Lillian by the front of her shirt and pull her to within inches of Alex’s face.

“I should kill you right now for even looking at her!” Alex growls out, not even trying to keep herself calm anymore, procedures and rules be damned.

Lillian ends up laughing in Alex’s face. “We had a deal.” She smirks. “So my question to you Agent Danvers is this; I hear guilt keeps people like yourself up at night. So how are you planning to sleep knowing that Detective Sawyer is dead because of you?”

And even though Alex knows that not to be true, her heart still screams at the notion of how close it really came, her hands shaking under the pressure as she lets Lillian go and retreats back to the door.

“You owe me an answer.” Lillian taunts as Alex fumbles to get out. “We had a deal.”

But the agent was never intending to finish the game she started, content on leaving the chess board incomplete to leave Lillian with a match she couldn't win.

“She's alive." Alex states defiantly. "And as for our deal... I never said I wasn’t a liar.” she throws over her shoulder, shutting the door loudly on a fuming Lillian as she marches back to the control room to speak with Winn.

She wants to know why Maggie hadn’t been able to reach her. Because if there is any chance Alex could have stopped this...  
Alex struggles to think how she can really face herself if what Lillian says is true.

Maggie being here because of her... Alex doesn’t know how to survive that.

“Ma'am?” a voice sounds as she reaches the control room, a young agent walking up to her anxiously.

“What Rogers?” Alex barks, not really in the mood to deal with whatever issues the rookie is having. “Why aren’t you downstairs? My orders still stand for that prank you pulled in training last week, you're on reception through the month end.”

“Is Detective Sawyer alright?” he questions cautiously, his dark hair falling over his face a little as he avoids looking dead ahead.

“What’s it to you?” Alex shoots back a little defensively, crossing her arms as she steps into the young agents face, his hands shaking a little by his sides.

He mumbles something out, eyes turning to the floor under the scrutiny of Alex’s gaze.

“Speak up Rogers.” Alex orders gruffly.

“I didn’t let her up.” He repeats fearfully, his shoulders bracing as Alex takes in the words.

“What do you mean?” She grates out, getting a little irritated at this back and forth with the agent.

“She uh... a few days ago she came into reception and asked to see you.” Rogers offers cautiously. “I didn’t let her up ma'am.”

“What?” Alex lets out, her blood starting to boil.

She feels her fists clench, her breath hitching in anger at what she’s hearing.

“I'm sorry. I checked the list I couldn’t fi-"

Alex barely registers reaching out and grabbing the rookie by his collar, yanking him forward and throwing him to the ground.

He lands heavily, the control room erupting in noise as Alex kneels over him with her knees pinning his shoulders to the floor. She holds him up by the collar of his shirt again, blinded by the anger in her veins as she pulls her other fist back and slams it down into his jaw.

The pain of her knuckles hitting his face isn't enough to break her out of it, the rookies hands trying uselessly to block Alex’s trained hits.

But she doesn’t get more than a few in before strong hands grapple her arms and pull her off.

“Alex!” Jonn yells as he wrestles her back from the rookie. “Stand down!” he orders.

Alex snarls as she pulls away from Jonn, pacing angrily as she watches a few agents help Rogers down to the barracks to clean up.

“Let me deal with him!” Alex demands, Jonn shaking his head sternly at her.

“Absolutely not. What the hell was that?!” Jonn barks.

“You're in my head, you know! Get him out of here before I find him again!” Alex shouts back, storming off.

She sees Jonn falter a little in her peripherals, but can’t find it in herself to calm down enough to speak with him right now.

Kara and Lena are sitting on the balcony, the CEO sharing a brief look with Alex before focusing intently on pulling little pieces of kryptonite from Kara’s arm, even as the hero leans her forehead awkwardly on Lena’s shoulder. Kara must have wanted some fresh air, she usually does when she feels weaker than normal. 

Winn motions for Alex to give him a moment as he shuffles a few sun lamps around the pair outside before jogging down the stairs to his console where Alex is waiting for him.

“You okay?” Winn asks tensely, his fingers hovering over a tablet by his computer.

“I need your help with something.” Alex offers, avoiding the question blatantly.

“Okay.” Winn assures. “Let's go upstairs away from the crowd. Maybe take a look at that, yeah?” he questions, motioning over the gash on Alex’s arm.

Alex just nods and follows the tech nerd back up the stairs and into her lab. She can feel everyone watching her as she goes, some part of her hurting at the prospect of losing the respect of her agents, another not caring because of what’s happened to Maggie as a result of their carelessness... her carelessness.

And she’s about to try and figure a piece of it out, the fear in her heart beaten only by her desire to assure it never happens again.  
But the thought of Lillian’s words are clawing at Alex like a knife.

So by this point, Alex is most afraid that the truth will be something she can't bear to think about... that this is all her fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Show of hands who didn't want Jonn to step in there :'D  
> Probably could have had her more angry with Lillian but I saw the chance for some angst with Maggie and went with it instead :/  
> Switching over to mostly the two of them soon, plus some more from Maggie's pov :D  
> Next one going up soon. X


	9. Powerless to Choose: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And let the angst begin :'D  
> Let me know if I gotta fix anything as always :)

_She’s cold, the feeling of the concrete against her cheek only making Maggie groan in discomfort. But when she tries to move, her entire body tensing as electricity grabs at every cell and atom and rips them apart, Maggie chokes and screams at the pain._

The too real sensation in the dream rips the air from Maggie’s chest and she bolts upright, fists clenching in rough sheets as she catches her breath in dim lighting.

But once the shock is over, the ache in her bones and the sharp stabbing at her hip makes Maggie groan as she settles back into the pillows.

She recognizes the DEO med bay staring back at her as she looks around, her memory slowly catching up to where she is right now. It’s just flashes, moments of glowing green, of Kara... and auburn eyes filled with tears. Alex.

Maggie struggles for a few minutes to make sense of it all, feeling the stitches at the cut by her hip and remembering Lillian Luthor, her mind swimming with the connection to Roulette.

And if she’s here at the DEO, then that must mean Alex found her, Maggie choking back a sob at the relief. But for the life of her, Maggie can’t remember seeing Kara after tackling Lillian off of the hero, her memories racing to find a reassurance that the youngest Danvers is okay.

But she finds nothing, the realisation pulling at Maggie’s chest and forcing her up off of the bed, the socks the doctors must have put on her slipping on the floor a little as she grabs the gurney to stay upright. The movement wrenches her body, the pain taking a while to settle, Maggie breathing through it all as she makes for the door.

She stops and hides behind the operating curtains as a few people pass by, two stopping to talk in the seeming privacy of the balcony overlooking the control room.

“I can't believe she’s back here.” One of the nurses whispers, her voice cautious.

A man scoffs in response, Maggie leaning out from behind the curtain to see the tall agent as he speaks to the nurse, ducking back behind cover as his voice sounds in her ears.

“Well after Agent Danvers had that thing with Sara I figured it was over for sure.” He reasons. “Guess whatever this detective's got going on has Danvers spinning on her heels and running back.”

Maggie shakes her head a little, the words not making sense past the sleepy haze covering her at the moment.

“Oh please, Sara didn’t mean anything.” The nurse says. “Did you see the way Agent Danvers reacted after coming back from Earth X. I haven’t see her like that in a long time.”

“Either way, I gotta admit I'm a little nervous about her taking Director when she’s so unstable.” The agent reasons.

“You and me both.” The nurse sighs. “Shit she’s coming up...” She hushes out, the silence following the admission prompting Maggie to peek out from behind the curtain.

They're gone.

Maggie sighs in relief, happy to get away without someone ushering her back to bed.

So she takes a couple minutes to get her bearings and lets the meds wear off, before carrying on making her way out. She focuses on every step, one and a time, until she reaches the med bay door.

And as she leans against the frame to catch her breath, Maggie resists the urge to cry at the sound of a familiar voice filling her ears from the lab next door.

“She'll be fine Winn.” Alex’s voice echoes across the steel walls. “The kryptonite should all be through her system by the morning. Lena’s got her.”

So Kara is at least okay. Maggie sighs in relief at that realisation, shuffling a little closer to the voice her heart is begging to match with Alex’s smile.

“We have bigger problems.” Alex lets out sadly.

And something in the way Alex says the words makes Maggie stop for a second before reaching the lab, her ribs protesting at the sudden halt.

“Maggie?” Winn asks Alex from inside, the detective picturing his face as she hears him speak.

“Yeah.” Alex mumbles, barely audible.

And Maggie knows she should just go back to the med bay, try and get some sleep so she can leave as soon as possible. But she doesn’t. She can’t when Alex is about to say something, her heart demanding to hear the agent out. Even if it threatens to push Maggie to her breaking point.

But Maggie should know by now, that Alex’s words have the power to both create an entire universe beneath her skin, or burn her entire world to the ground. And Maggie is powerless to choose which one it will be in this very moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, but as the title says only part one :D I'll get the next one up in the next few days (not a week like usual just cause this was a short one to get Maggie's POV in) so keep an eye out for Part Two of this section :D  
> We're over halfway and getting into the angsty stuff so massive thank you to everyone for letting me know what you guys think, its always super helpful and I obviously love knowing if you guys are liking what's going up :) x


	10. Powerless to Choose: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always let me know if anything needs fixing :)  
> And for anyone who hasn't been watching the show (I haven't but I see the odd thing around) but someone tried to kill Alex in the park when she was with ruby, so the assassination attempt is canon here and part of the plot.

“The security system upgrade didn’t transfer old clearances. We run new background checks every few weeks and all staff got re-listed to make sure no one was working as a double agent because of all the breaches we’ve had.” Winn explains, frustration edging his tone. “So yes Maggie came in, but Rogers didn’t let her up. He should have called Jonn.” He mutters angrily. “She asked for you directly, no random person on the street just knows who you are.” He reasons.

Alex scoffs, clenching her jaw as Winn finishes stitching up her arm. It’s a little rough, but he’s still learning and Alex looks it over before deciding it'll do. What’s one more scar in amongst the mess she is anyway.

“He’s been fired already.” Alex grinds the assumption out, knowing the agent won't dare show his face here again. But she's still pissed off that Jonn wouldn’t let her resolve things with the rookie... Although she knows why, it definitely wouldn’t have ended with just talking.

And to be honest, there’s something else rolling around in Alex’s head, by this point Lillian’s words sounding more like the truth than Alex is really ready to admit. But if Maggie had come to the DEO, chances are she had tried to do something else too.

“Why didn’t I get her call?” Alex questions, her frown obviously putting Winn a little on edge.

“I don’t know.” Winn admits sadly. “I transferred all your contacts to the new DEO phone after that whole assassination thing to stop anyone tracking you. I'm sure I didn’t lose it. It might be the software or security proto-“ note in notes about canon assassination for anyone who hasn’t watched.

“You transferred my contacts?” Alex questions, cutting Winn off.

“Yeah. Any unknown numbers would get blocked by the system so I made sure to put all the numbers you have across. To add any would need Jonn’s or your own authorisation. Did I do something wrong?” He asks worriedly.

And Alex feels her heart sink in her chest, the memory of deleting Maggie’s number flashing through her head in a bad sense of irony.

“No you didn't Winn.” Alex whispers sadly. “I did.”

“What?” Winn asks a little concerned.

“I deleted it. Before you switched the phones I... she wasn’t in my contacts.” Alex admits, not even bothering to hide the guilt that seeps into her voice.

“Oh.” Winn says simply, his eyes leaving Alex to stare at the lab table.

It’s only when he doesn’t carry on talking that Alex knows they’re both thinking the same thing; This could have been avoided, that something could have been done to protect someone they care about. And it’s Alex's fault. 

The difference is, Winn will forgive her. But Alex could never forgive herself.

And she can’t handle the tension in the room right now, so Alex turns to leave, planning on going to the control room to wait with Jonn until Maggie wakes up.

But she stops dead as a tired pair of brown eyes stare at her from the lab doorway, Maggie’s hair framing her bruised face in a way that makes Alex want to fight everyone within a ten block radius to let the anger at herself out.

“Mags." She whispers, only realising when Maggie looks between her and Winn that the detective must have heard most of their conversation.

“I'm sorry.” Alex offers brokenly, not knowing what else to say right now. She wants to fall to her knees and scream all the things her heart is telling her, but all her head can come up with is those two words.

And Maggie won’t even look at her, her gaze distant as she seems to think about something, ultimately deciding to leave and go back to the med bay next door.

Alex shuffles cautiously after her, wary not to get too close but unable to resist being within reaching distance in case she has to help.

But Maggie stubbornly limps her way back to the poorly lit hospital bed, hauling herself up with a few painful gasps and groans until she can pull the blanket up over her legs.

To say the silence is deafening would be an understatement at this point. Alex can practically hear her heart racing in her ears like it’s the music she runs to every morning.

She pulls a chair over from the wall and sits next to Maggie’s bed, pushing back the tears that threaten to make an appearance when the detective pulls her knees up to her chest and hugs them to herself defensively.

“I'm sorry.” Alex repeats softly.

When she gets no response, Alex can't help the ramble that starts spilling out into the void between herself and the girl she loves.

“I should have been there, I know you tried and I didn’t come through.” She resolves. “You don’t deserve any of this, I wish I could take it all from you and fix it, I wish I could make it right.”

Maggie still says nothing, just stares ahead blankly like she's alone. And seeing her like this is killing Alex, her insides wrenching against her skin like a vice. But what breaks her is knowing that nothing she could ever say would do anything to fix this. 

But god she just cant help it, her heart is on fire just seeing Maggie breathing in front of her right now. 

“There's so much I want to say to you, but I know it won't fix anything.” Alex acknowledges shakily. “But please just know that I would do anything to change this. I'm so sorry I let this happen.” she says brokenly, meaning every word she lets out right now.

Maggie just let’s her head fall onto her knees, fingers threading into her hair as she hides her face in the blanket. And Alex can hear her crying softly, every atom in her body aching to reach out and do something, but none of them willing to do so without Maggie’s permission.

And it’s something the detective isn’t giving her right now, so Alex has to force her fingers to clench into her palms to keep from doing anything. It's like not being able to get a glass of water at a fountain in the desert, harder if Alex thinks about it too much.

But eventually Maggie looks up again and wipes at her cheeks, folding her arms across her knees and resting her chin on top. And she’s shaking her head softly, refusing to even acknowledge that Alex is here.

“Maggie?” Alex pleads, barely holding back the tears in her eyes. “Please, say something.”

The room is still quiet. And it stays that way until Maggie breaths a little shakily, her eyes finally looking over at Alex with nothing but defeat behind them.

“They cut me out of the albums.” Maggie whispers.

“What?” Alex questions gently, hoping Maggie will just keep talking to her.

“That night I called my dad and told him about our wedding... I told you, I remember saying it.” Maggie recounts. “They cut me out.”

And Alex remembers, of course she does.

But that night isn’t what makes her choke and look away to hide the tears that break free, it’s the way Maggie is looking at her. With the pain and the desperation to know what she did to deserve being erased from Alex's life, like she was erased from her family's all those years ago. 

But Alex doesn't have an answer for her, doesn’t have a reason beyond not being able to face it all. Because seeing Maggie's name in her phone was just too hard to do everyday, she just wasn’t strong enough to do that. All Alex feels without Maggie is weak, nothing seeming to fill the space left in the centre of her heart. And being completed like that isn't something Alex really believes she deserves after everything, especially now.

So she doesn’t say anything, just let’s the guilt swallow her like an ocean as she slumps into the chair and tries her best not to cry.

Maggie seems to understand something in the gesture and just wipes a few tears away as she looks over Alex, eventually turning away and beginning a staring match with the wall ahead of her.

And the silence makes Alex wants to leave, run for miles to try and make herself feel anything besides the shame that’s consuming her right now, but she can’t find it in herself to be any further away from Maggie. So she sits and she cries softly, going through things to say and arguments to make, but nothing fits and nothing adds up to the results she wants. It’s like a math equation Alex just can’t solve, no matter how many times she runs the numbers.

It's beyond frustrating and Alex is so deep in thought that she practically jumps when Maggie whispers to her again.

“Who’s Sara?” She asks softly.

Alex tilts her head a little in confusion, taken back a little by the question. But she only knows one Sara. And the only interaction she's had with her isn't exactly something Alex wants Maggie to have to know about right now. 

“How...who...” Alex starts, not really being able to figure out how to approach this sudden situation .

Maggie just looks away sadly, a look of acceptance settling a little too easily onto her face. 

“Everyone here is whispering about her, about you and me, the nurses and agents in the hall. For a secret organization you guys aren't all that good at keeping quiet.” Maggie murmurs softly into the blanket.

Alex doesn't know what to do. She can feel the last piece of hope in her chest die out. Because this is it, there's no way out of this, no apology or gesture that could ever prove to Maggie that Alex really does still love her, that this was all a mistake. 

“I didn't mean for it to happen. It was a mist-" Alex tries before Maggie cuts her off with a raised hand.

“We're not together, you can see whoever you like.” Maggie assures, the quiet yet matter of fact tone she uses sounding rehearsed and worn out. 

“It doesn't really feel that simple.” Alex reasons.

“It has to be.” Maggie determines softly. “I can't handle the other options.” She admits. 

Alex wipes at a stray tear on her cheek, trying to keep it together. “I only have the other options.” She whispers. “I know you probably hate me but-"

“I could never hate you.” Maggie cuts in, the pain etched across her face at the suggestion hitting Alex like truck. “And it’s not about Roulette or about Sara, not really. I don’t expect you to have saved me when you didn’t know I needed help. And who you spend time with is your choice.” She explains blandly.

“I don't...” Alex tries, struggling to make sense of how Maggie could not hate her for those things. But she can tell the detective is angry about something. The more Alex looks at her though, the more it feels like the anger is just pain.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Alex whispers.

Maggie scoffs under her breath, the sound echoing in Alex’s ears painfully.

“I'm not a child, I don’t get hurt. Not by anyone and not by you.” She says defensively.

And Alex doesn’t want to press the obvious denial, but she can’t help trying to get Maggie to open up. Because she recognizes this, knows Maggie is trying to keep herself at a distance.

“So what is this?” Alex asks quietly, motioning her hands cautiously over the detective.

Maggie just furrows into the cheap sheets even further, her bottom lip worrying between her teeth a little as she thinks.

“I just feel so stupid.” She mumbles, more to herself than to Alex. “You just... I never thought you wouldn’t come back into my life. Now I don’t know what to do, because you don’t want to be in it.” The detective reasons brokenly. 

“Maggie I d-“ Alex tries, Maggie shaking her head to make the agent stop talking.

“Even with all of that, being angry and... hurt.” Maggie confesses. “I think I'm more confused than both of those combined honestly, but it’s not because I hate you. I can’t feel that way after everything.” She whispers kind of sadly.

“What do you feel then?” Alex asks, unable to keep the little spark of hope in her heart down at Maggie’s words. Because it sounds like Maggie still cares and Alex can’t help wanting her to. 

At least until the detective speaks again.

“I don't know.” Maggie resolves. “I don’t want to know. I'm just... I'm too tired.” She whispers, shuffling down the bed so that she can lie down.

“Maggie...” Alex tries.

But the detective just pulls the blanket tightly over her shoulders and rolls away, turning her back to Alex in a clear request to leave her alone.

And as much as Alex wants to yell and argue, beg and plead, she’ll never do anything that goes against what Maggie asks of her. Even if it breaks her a little more on the inside. So Alex finds herself standing wearily and making for the door. She dims the lights a little so Maggie can sleep before leaving the med bay and heading downstairs.

She doesn’t know what will happen in the morning, but the sight of Kara and Lena hugging tearfully in the control room gives her hope. If all of this can bring her sister and the CEO together again, it makes Alex think that maybe when the day breaks she can try again, that she can fix this. 

And it’s that thought that she lets echo through her head all night. That tomorrow she’ll try again. And if tomorrow doesn’t work, then the day after, and the one after that. 

Because if there’s anything that Maggie deserves from her, it’s a lifetime of trying to prove that she has Alex’s heart, she always has.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... more coming soon :D


	11. There Could Only Ever Be One Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always let me know if anything needs fixing :)  
> Also... pls dont hate me..fasten your belts and keep your hands inside the angst train.. I'm writing this soooo late at night so forgive the weirdness...k enjoy byeeee

“Okay you're all good.” Lena says, pulling her gloves off with a snap. “Just take it easy, the bruising looks okay and should start going in a few more days and the stitches about the same.” She explains. “You got lucky.”

Maggie just nods. “Yeah, seems like luck is my middle name.” She scoffs.

Besides, she knows the drill by now with these kinds of injuries. It doesn't hurt that badly, kind of like a cramp as Maggie sits up off the hospital bed and pulls her shirt back down over her stomach, careful to make sure the material doesn’t catch against her ribs or the closed cut near her hip.

It’s handy working with people who seem to have doctorates piled against their names. Lena has more than Maggie can remember, which kind of feels like overkill. Although she’s grateful the CEO could handle this instead of Alex.

She’s spent the last week avoiding the agent, pretending to sleep, wandering the DEO halls, just waiting until she’s well enough to leave.

The missions that call her ex fiancé away during the days feel like a reprieve, even if the worry in Maggie's heart forces her to breathe a little easier when Alex steps off the elevators afterwards.

But Even the nights Alex has spent in a chair beside Maggie in the med bay hasn’t prompted the detective to say anything else to her.

And that might sound callous when taken out of context, but Maggie is struggling to find the energy to worry about things like that. It’s just too much. And Maggie refuses to get into any of it, especially here. So right now, having Lena sign off her medical report is just the easier road to take right now, why make life any harder?

“Can I go?” Maggie questions, choosing to ignore the shared look Kara and Lena give each other as she stands up shakily.

“I think so.” Lena answers. “I’ll just go check with Jonn that there’s nothing he needs before I sign you off.” She says gently.

Lena leaves with a click of heels and Maggie can feel the air shift in the room she now shares only with Kara.

The youngest Danvers has taken to sinking into her supersuit, shoulders and stance looking a little too Kara Danvers to be coated in the red and blue fabric.

“You should stay.” Kara says with a small smile that Maggie assumes is meant to be friendly.

“I don’t usually hang around here.” Maggie responds tightly, motioning around the med bay.

She hates this place. There's too many memories in these walls, in this one place.

And without the drugs she's been on the past few days, it makes the glass room feel claustrophobic with tension and things left unfinished.

Not to mention this is the first time she’s been back at the DEO since Alex called things off. Its the first time Maggie has had to deal with her almost family, without having a case, fight or a pile of pain meds acting as a buffer. And then there’s the days she spent in a cell at Veronica Sinclair’s mercy constantly waking her up at night...

Ultimately its all driving a knot into her stomach, having to try and act like that’s all fine, like she's fine.

Because she isn't, she doesn't think she ever will be.

And all Maggie wants right now is a drink, maybe seven, and to crawl back into her dump of an apartment and get this ordeal over with.

But Kara is persistent, as per usual.

“Well we could go out.” The hero suggests, twisting the edge of her cape between her fingers. “The bar maybe? It's Friday night karaoke. Or a shooting range? Alex likes those, she always takes the new guns out to test them whe-" she starts before Maggie cuts her off.

“I know she does Kara.” Maggie says with a sigh, running a hand through her hair to try and fight off the headache building in her temples. Because of course she knows Alex likes to shoot when she’s stressed, just like she knows Alex always has a cold shower after missions or that she prefers cleaning her tactical gear on the living room floor rather than the table. Maggie knows.

“Right, sorry.” Kara replies meekly, her gaze finding the floor awkwardly at the ramble.

But eventually she bites her lip, looking to Maggie with a look the detective can’t quite decipher.

“What?” Maggie questions.

Kara shrugs a little. “Thanks... for saving me.” The hero mumbles out, her eyes avoiding Maggie’s face and the bruises she can feel spreading lightly across her cheeks.

Maggie just sighs, waving her hand a little dismissively. She doesn’t want to get into any of that either.

It leaves the two of them shuffling their feet strangely, both unsure of what to say.

So Maggie finds herself wandering over to the door as she waits for Jonn to come up and clear her to leave, her eyes finding Alex downstairs in the control room with Winn.

And she finds her gaze drawing to the elevators as they open, a familiar pair of faces walking in, sparking slight relief in Maggie at the confirmation that Sam is okay after everything that's happened.

But Maggie is completely entranced by the smile on Alex’s face when the agent sees Sam and Ruby walk into the control room.

She hasn't seen that smile in so long... it kind of looks out of place against the mental pictures Maggie has of Alex, mostly all the crying and yelling from the last days of their relationship.

It makes Maggie wonder if she should have noticed sooner that they never could have worked. If she should have listened to herself from the beginning.

The thought consumes her mind as she runs through small moments, pieces of conversations and broken promises that replay over and over in her head.

But she still notices when Kara cautiously leans on the glass wall beside her, the motion dragging Maggie away from the obsessive analysis she’s running the last year or so through. And the disruption is a little irritating. Because even though Maggie can feel the hero watching her, she doesn’t want to see whatever look Kara is wearing. If there’s one thing Maggie can’t stand these days, it’s pity.

But she’s taken aback when the young hero decides to speak.

“She still loves you.” Kara says gently, not really sounding like she wants a reply, but just wanting to say the words.

And it takes all the willpower Maggie has not to crumble right there and then. Because she’s spent so long wishing she could believe that, hear those words she thought would let her breathe fully again... to know that she wasn’t wrong, that all the time she spent convincing herself that she meant something was worth it.

But it feels too late for that. Even with what Alex has tried telling her over the last few days, Maggie is too weary to feel like she can listen to what is being said to her.

There's too many facts countering the dream Maggie's had of Alex coming back. Word gets around, pieces all building up into shaky information that Maggie can tell now is closer to truth than not. From Alex not keeping her number, to hooking up with Sara Lance not even a few weeks after she left, even the repeated rumours that kids aren’t on the agents radar anymore is making Maggie’s head ache in confusion.

All in all, there’s just too much contradiction for her to believe what Kara is saying.

So Maggie can't find the relief she expected to feel at Kara’s statement. All she feels is empty and closed off, like the words are as simple as a hello or goodbye, pointless beyond the point of trying to be polite.

And it’s not really intentional, Maggie didn’t think losing Alex would ruin her like this. But the detective can’t deny that she doesn’t really have all that much left inside herself.

So now, after this whole situation with Roulette, Maggie is feeling more broken than rescued.  
She can't even find the strength it takes to amuse Kara’s attempt to make her feel better.

“She hasn’t loved me in a long time Kara. She just thinks that's what it is.” Maggie reasons, forcing her eyes away from Alex to look at the hero. “Maybe she misses me sometimes, but that isn’t the same.”

“That’s not true Maggie.” Kara starts. “Alex has never been happier than with you. And we all miss you, Alex misses you. You know she lov-"

“Enough Kara. Please.” Maggie begs, because she can’t let the youngest Danvers finish, the emotion building in her chest threatening to break out. “This is all easier if you just leave it alone.” She reasons from experience.

Maggie sighs shakily as Kara looks her over, blue eyes seeming intent on finding a way to win this argument.

“I know that losing Alex must have felt like losing your family Maggie, we're all thinking that.” Kara finally says, the honesty in her tone hitting Maggie bluntly. “But we’re here. And I understand losing family, I get why you're struggling to let us in right now. When I first got here I was the same an-"

And something in what Kara says snaps the last ounce of calm Maggie has left.

“We are not the same!” She growls out harshly. And in another time she may have taken a moment to apologize when Kara shrinks away, looking like a kicked puppy. But honestly, after everything, Maggie is tired in more ways than physical and she’s done listening to words that always end up meaning nothing.

“You didn’t lose your parents because of who you are. You get to look back and know that what they did, they did for you, because they loved you!” Maggie explains angrily. “So tell me, how could having the most important people in your life cast you out and erase you, ever be the same as ending up with the family you've got? How can going home every night, knowing every person here would rather die than see you get hurt, ever be the same as them turning their backs on you, forgetting you even exist?” She questions bluntly. “You will never understand.”

“Maggie, I-" Kara tries, but the detective has opened a box that can’t be shut. All the pent up frustration, anger and loneliness that this family has left her with, all finding its way to the surface.

“No! I'm so tired of ‘family this’ and ‘love that.’” She snaps. “It means nothing. It’s all just nothing!”Maggie chokes out, letting the heavy weight in her chest settle into her stomach uncomfortably as she tries to reign it all in.

And Maggie can see the wheels turning in Kara’s head as she tries to figure out what to say.

But there isn’t really anything she can say. Maggie knows Kara can’t argue with her. And the detective won’t say she still wants to hope, just so that she can hear what her heart secretly wants.

At the end of the day, Alex has always deserved more, will always deserve more in life. And that’s a truth Maggie has believed in for a long time, something she’s known from the beginning.

So saying she didn’t think they’d end up right here, like this, is a lie Maggie refuses to tell herself. Some part of her knew exactly what was coming. And while Maggie will never deny jumping in head first, she knows that there’s no way to get out of it this time.

All Maggie really wants to do right now is pretend she doesn’t care, until eventually she actually doesn’t.

It's what she wants...But with Alex... how could Maggie ever do anything but care? And maybe that’s the hardest part, the reason Maggie refuses to face any of this.

Kara thankfully hasn't found her voice, quiet as she looks to the floor to avoid eye contact.

So Maggie finds herself looking back downstairs to Alex, who pulls out of a hug with Sam, both of them leaving hands on each other’s arms even once it’s over. And Maggie admits that the scene is picture perfect, Alex smiling between Sam and Ruby as she listens to them talking.

And maybe it should bother Maggie, maybe she should be angry or upset, be anything but the absolute calm she feels watching the trio.

But it’s not something she can relate to, the whole Kodak moment family thing. Maggie made her choice long ago, between doing the job she does and facing her past issues.

This kind of family, it’s just not her. And even if she doesn’t really think it's Alex either, Maggie isn’t exactly one for telling other people what they should do with their own lives.

If Alex wants to be that person... well that’s the life she has to live.

And all things aside, Maggie will always want Alex to have the very best in life, so she can't blame her at all for making that decision. She won’t blame Alex for not choosing her, how could she?

If anything, Maggie feels sort of content seeing the agent smile and laugh from this distance, close enough to know Alex is apparently happy, but far enough away that the sight doesn’t break her to pieces.

“They're good together.” Maggie says softly, her eyes unable to look up at Kara and choosing instead to stay focused on the way Alex kneels down to smile and speak to Ruby.

And Maggie can hear Kara take a breath to say something, the sound lost as Jonn comes jogging up the stairs, his boots landing heavily against the steel.

“I think we've got everything detective. You're all good to go whenever you would like.” He says with a tight smile.

Maggie returns the gesture half-heartedly, pacing back to the familiar hospital bed to grab her jacket and tug it on over her DEO tracksuit as she heads out the door past Kara and Jonn, avoiding the way the youngest Danvers tries to reach out for her slightly.

And there’s a sense of finality settling into Maggie’s heart on the way down the stairs. Because she doesn’t ever want to be back here, doesn’t ever want to remember the girl she let herself be inside these walls. That girl left her weak and fragile, something Maggie can never let herself become again.

But she still winces a little going down the first couple of stairs, the healing fractures all over her chest aching in protest with every step.

And she's grateful Alex and Sam are busy watching Ruby play with Winn on his console, some video game that sends noise through the control room every few seconds. Maggie doesn’t really want to have to do that whole ‘let me help you even though this is weird' thing with anyone right now.

But a voice halts her steps anyway.

“Hey,” Jonn calls out after her gently, prompting Maggie to stop halfway down the stairs and look back over her shoulder. “Thanks for the help... I'm sorry we didn’t come through when you needed us.” He says sadly.

Maggie just shrugs up at him, not really knowing how she’s supposed to respond to that. Thankfully Jonn must see the level of unease Maggie feels, because he looks down at his shoes solemnly before nodding to himself and looking her in the eyes again.

“It's really is good to see you again Maggie.” He says.

And even though Maggie knows he means it genuinely, it only makes her want to get out of here even faster. Because this charade is starting to take a toll on the walls she's using to keep herself standing these days.

So she gives Jonn a small nod, not trusting her voice to reply as she carries on down to the control room.

It gets a little easier to walk once she’s on level ground and Maggie makes her way around the edge of the room, trying to avoid having to talk to anyone else as she heads for the elevators.

The doors slide open as she gets there, a couple of black uniforms all marching out, none really even giving Maggie a second look as she shuffles into the empty elevator once they’re all out.

And as she leans on the wall, the door closing after a few moments, Maggie is left to herself in the small space, her head and heart spinning in different directions as she waits for reach the lobby.

Her feet move on command when the doors open again, the agents at the front desk not bothering to ask her to sign out. And a few months ago Maggie would have looked back, just to try and catch a glimpse of something to hold onto. But something inside her is saying there’s nothing left here for her to find.

So Maggie clenches her jaw and marches down the entrance steps and waves down a cab from the curb.

“Where to?” The driver asks, hidden mostly behind the security mesh Maggie can’t be bothered looking through to see him properly.

She sinks heavily into the back seat, eyes finding her lap and wringing her hands together there to try and release some tension. It doesn’t work.

“Anywhere but here.” Maggie mutters, grateful when the car lurches forward without anymore questions.

And even though she wants it to feel easy, leaving this all behind again never could be.

So Maggie let’s the tears run silently down her face as buildings and street signs pass her by, until eventually she decides she just wants to lie in bed.

“6th street please.” She asks the driver quietly, the cab turning around to head back towards Maggie’s apartment.

The city feels so different from when she first got here, like the hope and light it once radiated is all just a ruse. And really, Maggie knows it isn’t the city that’s changed, just the people in it... just her.

And she isn’t sure she knows how to fix that, or if she even wants to.

Either way, when her phone buzzes against her hip, Maggie can’t help the way her heart skips a beat at the name that shows up on the screen above the message.

 _Alex Danvers:_  
_I didn’t ask you before, but I’m asking you now. And I know I don’t deserve anything from you anymore, but please Maggie... stay. I want you in my life, in any way you'll allow, so please talk to me. I'll wait for you, as long as you need. I meant everything I tried to say, so whenever you're ready, please come back. Come home._

The words shake Maggie to the core, a piece of her heart finding the ability to demand she listen to Alex.

And Maggie could never really say no.

Not to mention this habit of leaving things unfinished is causing her more pain than mercy these days.

But Maggie doesn't know if she has anything left to look Alex in the eyes with. She’s broken and weary, something no one could ever really want to change their mind over.

But her heart is screaming to go, the urge too strong to argue against. And one way or another Maggie knows there’s only one person who could ever silence it... Alex is the only person who could ever do that.

Whether or not it’s by breaking her heart into a million pieces or holding it together in her hands... well that's never going to be Maggie’s decision to make.

And not being in control of this is nothing less than terrifying, so even though Maggie wants to hear what Alex has to say, she doesn’t know if she can handle going back to that place.

But it’s her move, Alex is asking her to come home, she's saying everything Maggie dreamed she could ever hear.

And still, Maggie has no idea what to do. So she finds herself staring at the name on the caller ID, her heart beating heavily as she tries to make up her mind.

But with Alex, there could only ever be one choice...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Its all gonna be fine  
> 2\. You can yell at me... but it's still gonna be fine  
> 3.... don't yell too much cause I just said it would be fine... twice :'D  
> 4\. More coming soon! :)


	12. When the Morning Comes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shortish Alex moment, internal angst is always a necessity yeah?? :'D  
> As always let me know if theres anything to fix :)

Alex shoves her phone deep into her pocket, hunching over her lab table and fiddling with the beakers spread out on its surface as she looks through the glass walls to the empty med bay.

She hopes Maggie will at least read her message, Alex knows calling her wouldn’t have resulted in much besides being hung up on. It’s what deserves anyway. But she would've ultimately have preferred to say it to Maggie in person, but things like that don't seem to work out for them these days.

Actually, Alex is starting to think a lot has never really worked for them. Maybe it isn’t about being gay after all, maybe she was actually right when she thought she wasn’t meant to have something... someone, like Maggie in her life.

Because Alex is looking at it now, her heart too broken to have any say on the way her mind tears her apart at all the wrong choices and bad decisions her life has been filled with lately.

It feels like all she does is spend her days tired, desperate to sleep and let the weight off her shoulders for a moment, only to find herself crying at night for the way her sheets aren’t warm or how the pillows she cant bear to replace no longer smell like Maggie.

And Alex has felt dying before, knows the feeling of it all slipping through the cracks no matter how hard she fights. And doing this... god it feels like time itself has slowed down, just to draw that feeling out until Alex’s last breath.

So when after Sam and Ruby had left and Alex was expecting to be able to go upstairs and check on Maggie, only to find Kara and Lena talking quietly with Jonn about the detective... well Alex isn’t surprised at the way her hands clench in anger every time she catches her own reflection in the steel table top or glass walls.

And when Kara told her what had happened, Alex was torn about wanting to defend her sister but also seeing Maggie’s side, understanding it. But thankfully Kara feels the same over the difficult situation, even though she’s clearly hurting over the detective's words more than she’s willing to let on.

And for Maggie to even say those things, no matter how right Alex knows them to be, it isn’t something she’s ever seen Maggie being capable of. For the detective to be so hurt that this is the result... well Alex is struggling to feel anything other than responsible and angry at herself.

It's like a tennis match, Alex constantly going back and forth trying to figure out what to do. But everything seems so hard, like every choice Alex is making just hurts the one person she wants to protect right now. And she doesn’t know how to handle it, she needs to be able to see Maggie, talk to her and try to fix this all as much as possible.

And her heart is repeatedly smashing and breaking itself, the fragments splitting further every time the voice in her head argues that nothing she tries to fix this with will ever be enough.

So when her phone buzzes, Alex scrambles to check the notification, her breath catching and faltering against her ribs at the message she reads, the phone now registering the old number like it used to.

 _Maggie:_  
_I'll try be there tonight._

Its short and kind of unsure, but its something. Alex wasn’t expecting to hear anything so soon, a part of her actually ready to accept never hearing anything at all. But Maggie might be there, there's at least a chance she’s going to be in their living room, with their couch and their fireplace.... a chance she’s going to be home.

Alex forces back the sob that catches in her chest and collapses into her hands as they fold onto the lab table. It's been so long since she's allowed herself to even think of Maggie being in their home again, so long since Alex has actually allowed herself that kind of mercy.

And she can feel that one way or another this all ends tonight. When the morning comes, Alex will be with the girl she loves... or she won’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short I know, sorry!! But more is coming soon :D


	13. Who am I to stand in your way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it begins... again..hahaha  
> Let me if anything needs fixing, as always! :D  
> And I hope you hate/like the angst...

Maggie paces in front of Alex’s door, her side stinging in protest at the constant movement. She’s been doing this for at least ten minutes, trying to find the nerve to actually knock.

And every time Maggie thinks about how easy it was to just walk through that door, hang her jacket on the hook and kiss Alex on the cheek when she got home from work, the harder it makes it to even look at the damn thing.

So she keeps pacing, eventually finding herself staring down the hall to the elevators contemplating if she should just leave. She gets kind of lost in the thought, so Maggie isn’t expecting the door to open quietly, Alex leaning on the frame as she cautiously looks the detective over. She must have been watching from the spy hole for quite a while.

“Hi.” Alex whispers, her voice cracking a little in a way that makes Maggie’s legs feel weak.

“Hi.” She echoes back. “I was just... I don’t know.” Maggie admits nervously.

“I know, it’s okay.” Alex assures gently. “You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to be.”

Maggie bites her cheek, shifting her weight from one foot to the other as she tries to explain that she does want to. Whether or not she can is a different story. But with Alex looking at her like this, Maggie can't help nodding her head and shuffling towards the apartment.

Alex steps aside and let’s Maggie through, shutting the door quietly behind her. And Maggie notes how the agent hasn’t changed out of her casual work uniform this late in the evening, the cuffs of her shirt rolled up a little to her shoulders the way Maggie showed her. And the detective can’t help clenching her fists a little at the stitches that line Alex’s bicep, the edges angry and rough from the guards knife. It's a little frustrating the way Maggie's heart sinks like it always does when the agent is hurt.

But Maggie does her best not to focus on holding onto that feeling, the familiarity of it hurting more than the possibility of what it means. So she forces her eyes away from Alex and towards the room around her.

The apartment is still the same, her stuff missing from the awnings and the shelves, but it’s the same. And Maggie finds herself being drawn over to the one thing still familiar, a bonsai tree that sits on the coffee table looking like it’s been through worse than she has.

Her fingers brush over the dying leaves, the feeling of them cracking and breaking under her touch making Maggie cringe.

“I’ve been trying to get it better, nothing works.” Alex says, motioning cautiously over the tree.

Maggie looks it over, the slumping branches and fallen leaves looking like a metaphor for her life more than anything else. And where she would have spent weeks getting this fragile thing back to being whole and beautiful again, Maggie just can’t find it in herself to care about a damn tree in amongst the rest of the luggage she’s hauling right now.

“It won’t get better, just throw it out.” Maggie mumbles, pacing over to the window to look at the city outside, the lights expanding into the dark night making her feel a little less trapped in this place.

She doesn’t realise how harsh her words sound until she hears Alex choke back air in an attempt not to cry. It’s a sound Maggie’s found herself uncomfortably familiar with.

And the silence that follows after, well that is something Maggie has to admit she’s grown accustomed to as well. Her last week’s with Alex and every day since leaving has been filled with it, the echoes of words unsaid bouncing around apartment walls in the dead of night. But at least here and now Maggie can hear Alex breathing, can see her reflection in the glass of the balcony door. And truthfully, not having something like that to make the memories she has of Alex in her head real, has left a hole in Maggie she thought had been sealed off long ago.

Because no blurry cell phone picture or played to death voicemail message could ever compare to the girl Maggie watches slump into the couch dejectedly, cradling her head in her hands.

And despite it all, despite the agonizing silence and list of destroyed memories, Maggie won’t lie. Despite it all, being here with Alex just makes her feel grounded and in place, like she's made the right choice in amongst months of shitty events. Although one moment stands out and tugs at Maggie’s stomach in protest, demanding she find a solution to her previous outburst at the youngest Danvers.

“Can you tell Kara I'm sorry?” Maggie murmurs quietly after a while, still intent on focusing out the window as opposed to letting her eyes roam her former home. But she still sneaks glances at Alex in the reflection as the agent looks up in confusion.

“Kara?” She questions.

“I shouldn’t have said all of that to her, I know she’s told you, you tell each other everything.” Maggie explains, trying not to sound exasperated. “It was uncalled for and she didn't deserve it. Tell her I'm sorry?”

Maggie watches Alex's hands clench into her cargo pants In the glass reflection, her gaze set intently on the floor.

“She understands... and you weren’t entirely wrong.” Alex offers, not really leaving the point open to discussion any further.

Maggie nods slightly, finally letting herself turn around to face Alex and the apartment as her back leans heavily against the balcony door. It really is terrifying how it can feel both so right and so wrong being here, like a war that Maggie can't quite choose a side in. And staying in the middle like she is now, will only get her hurt.

But she can’t find anything to say, can’t find the line she's supposed to cross to make this all okay.

And Alex apparently can't either as the silence stretches on. So the ache in Maggie’s chest just gets deeper and deeper every second she spends looking around, remembering the small moments she had with Alex by that bookstand or the argument they had over vegan ice cream by the freezer. It’s so much and not being able to have any of it is ripping Maggie apart at the seams.

So she doesn't try to stop when she finds her feet carrying her towards the door again, not really connecting her head with what her body is doing. But all she thinks is that she doesn’t belong here, so Maggie allows herself to reach for the handle and start pulling it open.

But there’s suddenly a hand on the door by Maggie’s head. It doesn’t slam down or shove her out of the way, but it gently urges the door shut again and Maggie berates her heart for racing at Alex’s soft breaths that land against her neck.

“Don’t go.” Alex pleads softly, leaning against the door a little heavier when Maggie leans her forehead against it in an attempt to hide the conflict raging inside of herself.

Because she knows the right thing to do is to say no, to leave right now and let them both get on with their lives. But Maggie can feel Alex right behind her, can hear the agent holding her breath as she waits for Maggie to decide.

And there’s never really any option when Alex asks for something, there’s only ever giving anything to make it happen. So Maggie ends up turning around and leaning her back against the door to her ex home as Alex stays leaning against it with one arm, her head tilting down to look at Maggie because they're so close.

And as much as she tries to avoid it, Maggie's eyes invariably find Alex’s own and rip her breath away. They're just like she remembers, the apparent sleepless nights and long days not having done anything to dull the brightness that shines behind unshed tears. And god, Maggie can feel herself begging to just let go and collapse into the girl in front of her and believe that they can be something more than the wreck they've become. But things are never that easy.

“I can’t stay.” Maggie whispers brokenly, grateful that Alex backs off a little and sits against the couch arm as she speaks.

“Yes you can. Don’t go.” She repeats quietly, a whisper above the beating of Maggie’s heart in her ears.

Maggie shakes her head, trying to find the words that will make Alex understand. But Maggie herself is struggling to understand and put everything together, so it makes the task practically insurmountable.

“We don’t need the fights and the days after acting like it never happened, the tears going to sleep every night and not knowing if it’ll be the last we have together.” Maggie tries reasoning brokenly. “We don’t need this.”

Alex looks like she holding her breath, her eyes moving over Maggie like she's something hanging on a museum wall.

“I need you.” Alex eventually whispers, barely audible even in this ghost town of an apartment.

But it’s just words Maggie has heard before, and they made no difference then, how can she believe they will now?  
So she ends up reciting lines from her past, words said to past lovers and families long since abandoned by her heart.

“You don’t need me, none of you do. This is all just temporary.” Maggie says, motioning between them as she moves into the living room to pace in front of the coffee table.

Alex sits quietly, her gaze moving over Maggie in a way that makes the detective feel the urge to shuffle her feet under the intensity.

“Nothing about you is temporary.” Alex finally settles on, battling to remain calm. “You know you're more than that.”

And Maggie struggles to think that's the truth, because that’s not how life goes for her. The unfortunate fact being that anyone can get used to anything after a while. Alex will get used to her not being here.

“You'll be fine.” Maggie urges, unable to handle looking at Alex and instead watching as the toe of her boot scuffs aimlessly at the floor.

So she isn’t prepared when Alex is suddenly standing again, the agent striding forward into Maggie’s space and forcing her to look up at the intrusion.

“Fine?” Alex echoes. “That's how you think I am without you?” She questions, Maggie just looking down again, not trusting herself to say anything else as she shrugs dismissively.

But she forces herself not to choke when Alex’s voice cracks as she tries to speak again.

“I'm terrified not to wake up next to you. Every morning, just for a second, I still reach out thinking I'll find you. But I don't. And it's killing me, wishing I could go back and change it all. So ‘fine’ is not what I am.” Alex confesses. “And I admit that some nights I try convince myself that I did the right thing, that I couldn’t have known what I do now. But those nights always end with me knowing I should have done better.”

“You don’t have t-" Maggie tries, but Alex brings a finger to the detectives lips to quiet her, the slight touch sending sparks through Maggie’s chest as she stops talking.

“I do have to Maggie. You deserve more.” Alex insists. “Breaking promises is one thing. But taking your family is another. I know you won't admit you felt that way about everyone, but I know. I see the way you avoid Jonn and Winn, how you flinch when Kara smiles at you.” She explains “And I never meant to do that Maggie, make you feel like you were only loved by them because you were with me, because that’s not true.” Alex insists, even as Maggie looks to the floor to avoid the honesty in Alex's voice.

Maggie can feel her hands shake beside her, the feeling making it a little harder to breathe as Alex lifts a finger under her chin, coaxing the detective to look back at her. 

“They love you outside of me Maggie. They lost you too, which isn’t fair, because they never made that choice.” Alex tries to explain shakily. “And I imagine losing Kara, or Jonn, Winn, Lena, Sam and Ruby. I imagine losing them and I can’t take the way it makes me feel.” She chokes out, trying to stay together. “And knowing that what you must be feeling is a thousand times worse... I can’t take that.” Alex resolves, the silence she leaves open for Maggie to reply with echoeing through the apartment.

It leaves the pair in a weird place, neither really knowing how to fill the silence that once would not have felt so empty between them. 

But Maggie doesn’t know what to do with everything Alex is saying. She’s good at shutting off, pushing things back far enough so that they don’t affect her. But with Alex, Maggie can never seem to get that right, always finding herself right back at the beginning.

“I don’t know what you want from me Danvers.” Maggie admits, her shoulders sinking along with the weight in her chest.

Alex growls in frustration, her hands coming up to run through her hair before fisting at her sides angrily. 

The sound makes Maggie take a step back instinctively and Alex raises her hands gently as she steps forward to be close to the detective again.

“I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to lose it.” Alex urges softly. “I’m barely making sense of what's going on. This is hard and with you I’m... I'm scared.” She admits quietly. 

“Why are you scared of me?” Maggie questions, fearing that she's somehow hurt Alex without realising it. 

Because regardless of all that's happened, Maggie couldn’t bear knowing she'd caused any pain that was avoidable. She'd take the weight of the world if it meant Alex could stand a little taller.

But Alex is shaking her head gently, hands coming up to wipe away a few tears that fall down her cheeks. 

“I'm not scared of you. I'm scared to lose you, again.” Alex clarifies softly, wiping at her tear stained cheeks. “And I don’t know how to fix this.”

And Maggie doesn't really know what to say, even with her head spinning a thousand miles an hour, it's still not faster than the heart beating inside her chest. 

But Alex isn't done, her hands reaching out and grabbing onto Maggie's tightly, the agent not bothering to wipe her eyes anymore as she tries to fight off crying.

“Not being able to see you, to talk with you or hold you close... it’s too much and I can't...” Alex tries. “It breaks me, not being with you. Because even now, I can still see how perfect we could be.” She admits.

“Danvers...” Maggie starts, Alex cutting her off once again, as if the agent is scared she won’t get the chance to say everything she needs to.

“And I just... I want to hear you say my name.” Alex says brokenly. “You haven’t said it once since I almost lost you.” She forces out, shutting her eyes for a moment like she’s trying to force the memory away. “And I want to hear you say it. Because no one else says it like that, as if it’s a better definition of what you're feeling than ‘love’ could ever be.” Alex reasons erratically. “And I just want... I need to know.”

“Know what?” Maggie asks cautiously, resisting the urge to reach out and wipe at Alex’s eyes. Because she’s hearing all these words that mean so much to her, but Maggie can’t trust that they mean what she thinks they do. 

“If you still say my name the same way you did before.” Alex whispers nervously. “If you still love me.”

Maggie has to turn away with the ache that rips through her chest, pulling her hands away from Alex’s. She can't do this again. Seeing Alex right now already has her on the edge of breaking down, so inevitably losing her again... Maggie won't survive that.

“It doesn't matter if I love you or not.” Maggie reasons brokenly, steeling away the tears that threaten to make an appearance. 

“I don't understand.” Alex says gently, tugging at Maggie’s sleeve so the detective has to turn and face her. “How can it not matter?”

And Maggie has to fight back the urge to scream, all the words and feelings she’s been keeping in since she was last in this apartment burning like acid in her throat. 

“It just doesn’t... it didn’t before and nothing's changed, it can't have. With time you'll see, things will get eas-" Maggie tries, Alex cutting her off a little angrily.

“Don’t you dare say it’ll get easier.” She says, hands clenching a little.

The sharp tone takes Maggie back a little. “I don’t want to fight.” She whispers into the tension filled space between them, trying desperately to stay calm, when really she wants to throw something, feel her fist connect with the wall beside her. Anything but this pain she feels at being here and talking about this.

“I'm not trying to.” Alex assures apologetically, taking a breath to adjust her tone. “But you're still running. I'm asking you to stay and all you're trying to do is find the door.”

And the way Alex seems to imply that Maggie had a choice to stay all those months ago sends the detective over the edge.

“It's not exactly that hard to find the door when you've been shown it twice already.” Maggie scoffs under her breath, finding it easier to just let the resentment in her take over, even though her heart condemns her for it.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Alex questions.

“It means we’ve done this already.” Maggie throws back. “How many more times do you need to call me a mistake before you listen to yourself?!” She says angrily, her defences pushing Alex away bluntly.

“Maggie I -" Alex starts. But Maggie isn’t done, she’s tired of holding it all in.

“No.” Maggie says, holding a hand up to silence Alex. “I tried, I gave everything I had to try and be the girl who ends up with you. But it wasn’t enough.” She chokes out, her throat closing around the tears that have started falling down her cheeks. But Maggie wipes them away in frustration, stepping backwards to avoid Alex's hand as it reaches out for her own. 

And even though the tears in Alex’s eyes inflict their own version of torture on Maggie’s heart, the detective carries on through the agony.

“I tried. To change, to be better.” She cries. “And I want to say that I knew, that I was ready for you to leave like everyone else. But I’d be a liar if I said I thought we’d be here like this.” Maggie confesses, actually being honest with herself too and not hiding behind the story she tells herself. “Because I swore you were the one, I looked at you every day and believed with everything I had, that I was finally home.” She whimpers. 

“Maggi-" Alex tries again, without success.

“I let you in... I fucking let you in Alex.” Maggie whispers brokenly, a hand coming up to her hair and tugging it back as she tries to get some control over her shaky breathing.

Alex looks torn apart, eyes red and hands shaking. “You... you still say my name... you still love me.” She whispers with a cracking voice. “But you've given up on me already.”

And Maggie can’t handle those words, can’t handle hearing Alex say that she’s the one who’s given up. Because yes, she still loves Alex, always will. And Maggie fought harder for her than she ever has for anything in her entire life.

“I didn’t give up! Not when you said it couldn’t work, not when you stopped looking at me the same way! I believed until the last moment that you wouldn’t break your promise, that we would have forever!” Maggie yells angrily, the tears running freely over her cheeks and down her neck even as she tries to keep it together.

But as she says that, Maggie can’t help admitting to herself that she has done just that, she honestly gave up a while ago. Alex is right. And the thought breaks Maggie more than having false hope burning in her chest. But it’s the truth. And Maggie isn’t a liar.

“I gave up when I realised that nobody knows me like you do.” She forces out sadly, wiping at her cheeks as she sniffs back the tears.

“Because you know me, all my secrets and insecurities, you know where the fractures are in here.” Maggie says brokenly, pressing a finger into her chest right above her heart. “You know me. And you made me walk out that door anyway.”

And then it’s just quiet. Neither of them making a sound besides the air moving unsteadily through their lungs. 

Maggie can see Alex running through everything in her head, eyes vacantly staring at a spot on the floor. And the way the agent just let’s the tears drip silently down her face proves to Maggie that her heart does still work. Because seeing such defeat in the girl she loves is breaking it to pieces all over again.

“You could have stayed.” Alex eventually mumbles past her tears. “You fight every bad thing you come across in the world, but you didn’t fight this. You made it feel like letting you go was as much your choice as mine.” She reasons. “Why? Why didn’t you fight?”

Maggie sighs, wiping at the tears on her face as she shrugs her shoulders dismissively. 

“What was I supposed to do?” She asks. “You're the best person I’ve ever met in my entire life and you deserve more than what I could give you. You want more.” Maggie reasons. “If being with me isn’t what gives you everything in life, how could I stay and still say I truly love you?” She questions, the pain of her heart letting this all out consuming her as she continues.  
“Because loving you, means doing anything I can to make you happy Alex, even if it means walking out that door.” Maggie chokes out. “Who am I to stand in your way?”

Alex shakes her head, hands running through her hair like she's trying to get a grip as the tears continue to stain her cheeks harshly.

“Who are you?” She cries out, the pain in her eyes hitting Maggie like a bullet. 

Alex shuffles forward and grabs Maggie’s hands, her fingers holding a little too tightly as she forces the detective to look at her. 

“Why don’t you understand that who you are, is the girl that I love.” Alex chokes out. “You get to stand in the way, you get to push and shove and tell me when my decisions are wrong.” She tries explaining. “You get to be a part of me Maggie, do you get that? I want you to be here.”

Maggie just crumbles, tugging her hands away from Alex’s to wrap her arms around herself protectively. Because she's been here, she's cried over Alex and torn herself apart trying to find a way to piece it all together in a way that fits. But she just doesn’t know how to accept what she’s hearing, the echoes of past promises taunting her with the consequences of giving out another chance.

So she just stands there, says nothing as the realisation plays over and over in her head.

“You don't believe me.” Alex states numbly, her hands clenching by her sides as she stares at Maggie.

“I'm s-" the detective can’t help the breath that chokes in her throat as she tries to answer, forcing herself to look away from Alex so that she can breathe. But she tries again, finding the will power to force the words out.

“I'm sorry.” Maggie repeats quietly.  
Alex looks lost, shaking her head like this isn’t real for her.

“So this is it, goodbye...and then nothing? After everything we...” Alex trails off, her eyes begging for Maggie to say something other than the words the detective ends up speaking.

“Sometimes saying goodbye is just the easiest way of saying we don’t want to hurt each other anymore.” Maggie reasons brokenly. Because it’s true, she can't handle seeing the pain in Alex’s eyes and knowing that she’s the cause. Maggie won’t do that.

Alex just nods, her eyes looking around the room like she’s trying to distract herself from crying anymore.

“Okay...if you want..need that..." Alex murmurs after a while, the both of them shifting their weight awkwardly as they stand in the middle of the living room.

And Maggie just wants to give in, more than anything she just wants to rush forward and hold onto Alex until the universe itself pulls them apart. But she can't... she won’t.

So she ends up forcing her feet to carry her towards the door to leave. However, she can’t help stopping next to Alex on the way.  
Maggie can’t bear to look at her, but she lets her hand grab Alex’s, squeezing gently in a way that means goodbye.

But when the agent pulls away from the gesture, recoiling into herself like she's touching acid, Maggie knows it’s time to go.

And pulling the door open doesn’t hurt as bad as the first time, neither does actually stepping through it. But when Maggie looks back and sees what she's leaving behind, as she watches Alex collapse onto the couch with her head in her hands... well that hurts more than the first time.

But still, with tears in her eyes and her heart ripping itself apart in her chest, Maggie looks away and let’s the door close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay relax I'm fixing it I promise! :'D  
> Next chapter coming soon and just to let ya guys know the posting schedule from then on out might be off for a little while due to working on a Christmas thing, so bear with me :)  
> Dont forget to tell the people you love how much they matter this month guys! :D xxx


	14. No way out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of Alex for ya 😶  
> Let me know if anything needs fixing as alwaaayysss 😁

It’s fairly easy to say Alex Danvers has been hurt more than a few times in her life. There's broken bones numbering higher than her fingers can count, scars telling stories she'd rather forget. And even below all of that, the pain of losing her father, disappointing her mother and being mostly incapable of living up to her sister have left wounds capable of creating a monster.

And if she’s honest, there have been times where Alex has believed that a monster is all she was. Because yes, she helps Kara and protects the city, but she’s killed people to do it. She also knows that there’s probably still more people to come. And the thought of that alone used to drive her to a bottle every night, just to take the edge off of the nightmares that live in the dark when she sleeps.

But this... Alex knows there’s no drink, no distraction that could ever take away the way Maggie looked at her tonight. Because there's no excuse, no way of telling herself it had to be done. It’s just her... and the wreck that’s left of her heart.

Even so, she resorts to the bottle of whisky hidden on the top shelf, reasoning to herself that at least if she drinks enough, the memories of Maggie laughing and dancing with her will at least seem real, even if just for a few moments.

She reaches for the bottle, cringing at the way the stitches rip a little on her arm, the feeling of blood coming to the surface and running over her skin making Alex swear under her breath. But she just can’t find it in herself to care.

The scotch doesn’t even find a glass, Alex tipping up the bottle and swallowing until the burn in her throat forces her to stop, her lungs coughing and gasping for air past the pain. And still, she keeps drinking until she can’t quite tell if the tears on her face are from Maggie leaving again or if it’s all the coughing she's doing right now in an attempt to breathe. 

Either way, she goes again and again, tossing the bottle back as she lets herself slide onto the kitchen floor with her back against the cabinets.

And when she cant physically take another drink, Alex doesn't know what to do. She tries thinking about tomorrow but all she sees is more of this, more anger and more pain. And she can’t find a way through it, doesn’t really want to. There's no way out of this dark place for her now.

But she can think of a time earlier than this, when she could hold Maggie close and just listen to her breathing, have someone wake her from the nightmares and talk her down from all the thoughts that threaten to take over in the night.

And she doesn’t have that now, she’ll never have it. And Alex knows she used to deal with it, somehow. But its like being with Maggie has left her weak and messed up, the walls she had keeping the fear out having tumbled down at the force of Maggie’s hand over her heart. And Alex can’t take it.

She knows this can’t be the person who stands beside Kara in the morning, someone who's afraid of a tree that sits dying on her coffee table won’t be capable of protecting her sister, the agents under her command, her family. And if Alex is being honest, this girl she is now, isn’t capable of protecting her from herself. Because all she can think is that she deserves to sit here, alone in the dark as the shadows threaten to bury her. 

And she can't let that happen, there’s still people who need her to do her job. She still has to be there for Kara. And that’s all she really has left now.

So Alex drags herself up off the floor and grabs her bike keys. Some part of her argues that she's had too much to drink, but another forces her out the door and into the parking garage. She knows what she needs to do to be okay, every part of her believing there isn't another option. So Alex tugs on her helmet and revs her engine loud enough to keep the shadows of the city streets away as she heads for the DEO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short I know sorryyyy😣 more coming soon as possible promise!  
> Have a great Christmas guys! 😁 xxx


	15. Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay its fix it time guys, waited a long time and its finally here 😄 (sorry about the weird posting time, I'm in a different time zone and its fucking shit up 😄)  
> Let me know if anything needs fixing, as always 😁

She's in the back of a cab, again. And all Maggie can do as it weaves beneath the city lights and night traffic, is think.

The only problem is that her heart is a lot louder than the rationalizations Maggie is desperately repeating to keep herself from running back to Alex.

And she has to keep telling herself, over and over, that as much as she wants to just let everything go back to how it was before, it seems like emotions are all Alex is really going through. So what happens when she changes her mind again? What happens when the resentment sets in and Maggie is left being the bad guy in all of this?

Its hard, but the truth Maggie believes is staring her right in the face and she can’t ignore it, no matter how much it’s tearing her apart.

So she lets the cab keep driving, doesn’t ask to turn around and go back. And sitting in this strange sort of silence has never really been Maggie’s favourite, hence she prefers riding a bike.

The thought makes her grumble, the realization that she has no idea where her triumph has ended up making her fume a little. Mostly because she knows there’s only one place to go and find out.

“Can you please take me to the FBI building in the central city?” Maggie questions, leaning against the separation mesh. She means the DEO, but it’s not exactly like everyone knows it as that.

“Your dime lady.” The cab driver replies shrugging his shoulders. “Only about a minute away anyway.”

“Thanks.” Maggie mumbles, slumping back against the cheap seats.

At least Alex won't be there, the image of her crumbling into the couch haunting the back of Maggie’s mind like a bad crime scene.  
But what is she supposed to have done?

Maggie can’t wrap her head around how any of this could work... god she wants so badly for this, for them, to just work. Because just like Alex, she can still see how perfect they could be. And it kills her.

She can feel the tears building against her lashes and Maggie coughs to cover up wiping at her face in irritation, crossing her arms over her chest to try and push it all back down again.

She can’t do this. She’s just going to speak to Jonn about her bike and that’ll be it...

Getting out of the cab when it pulls over proves to be a lot harder than getting in and

Maggie swears at the slight pain in her chest as she shuffles out onto the dark pavement in front of the DEO.

“Keep the change.” She mumbles, passing a note over to the driver.

“Have a good night.” He offers, dipping his head before pulling off.

Maggie scoffs and makes her way into the lobby, the night guard waving her through security without much issue. At least the asshole who was here last week has been fired, the thought doing little to soften Maggie’s anger towards him.

She isn't even sure who'll be here this late in the evening, but hopefully someone will be able to find her damn bike, if it isn’t buried beneath the water at the docks.

She steps off the elevator into a mostly empty control room, the night shift agents all looking half asleep as they shuffle around with cups of coffee.

But Maggie spots a familiar set of brown sneakers sticking out from underneath the main control console.

“Winn?” She questions, shuffling over to the centre of the room.

“Huh?” He mumbles. His head tries popping up from beneath the table, but ends up smacking loudly on the edge as he grumbles in pain.

“Oh shit.” Maggie let’s out, reaching over to hold Winn steady as he sways a bit with a hand on his head. “You okay?”

“Maggie?” He asks simply, apparently lost for any reaction other than surprise. “What uh... did you need something or... not that I'm not happy to see you, you look um...” Winn’s words fade off as he takes in the faint bruises Maggie can feel lining her cheeks and eyes. She looks like shit, is how she looks.

And now this is just awkward.

“I need to find my bike, figured you guys might have an idea.” She offers as a diversion to their pleasantries.

“Uh yeah, just give me a sec.” Winn says with a soft smile.

He jogs over to his moniter and disconnects his tablet, tapping away at the screen for a few seconds before nodding happily to himself.

“We found it at the docks in one of the containers, Alex had us lock it in the garage.” He offers, turning the screen to Maggie for her to confirm the black bike in the picture is hers.

“I should be okay to take it now.” She says, ignoring Alex’s name completely.

Winn must notice because he eyes her a little sceptically, his gaze moving over her like he’s judging her health.

“I'll drive slow.” She offers impatiently.  
Her tone makes him squirm a little, but

Maggie can tell he wants to say something, his fingers picking at the sleeves of his cardigan.

“What?” She questions quietly.

He looks to the floor bashfully and wraps his arms around his waist like a little kid.

“Are you um...” He starts, shuffling on his feet as he tries to talk. “Are you back? I know it’s probably not my place to ask, but I just... I really miss you.” He mumbles.

Maggie just stands there quietly, looking over Winn as he balances his weight awkwardly, waiting for her to respond.

And even though she knows the answer she's decided on tonight, knows what she told Alex, Maggie can’t bring herself to say it to him. So she says the only thing that is close enough to the truth without being a lie.

“I don’t know.” She reasons.

Winn nods in understanding, wiping at his face a little roughly. Is he crying?

“Jonn has the key card so you'll need him to get the bike out past security.” Winn explains quietly. “He’s down in the training block I think.” He motions down the hall.

Maggie is about to say something, she isn’t really sure what exactly. Something about seeing Winn upset hurts her more than she can handle right now. But he makes a break for the lab upstairs, not really making eye contact as he gives her a small wave in parting.

Its not like Maggie is really capable of chasing after him. And maybe it’ll be easier to just let go now, instead of having another drawn out goodbye. Maggie thinks it’s fair to say she’s had enough of those for a lifetime.

So she slowly makes her way down the side hall to the training block. Most of the rooms are out of order and messy, Kara must be going through equipment again, no amount of concrete or bars really capable of keeping up with her when she needs to train or let some emotion out.

But as Maggie starts nearing the agents section she begins to hear voices. They're coming from the locker room.

She doesn’t intend to listen in. But she’s a detective, it's a habit not easily broken. But Maggie's heart lurches when she can make out the words and recognize the voices saying them.

“I can’t do that Alex.” Jonn says staunchly.

“Why not?!” Alex yells frustratedly, her voice breaking the way Maggie knows it does when she’s crying. “You've done it to protect Kara!”

“Protection is different to what you're asking and you know it.” Jonn retorts. “Please just calm down so we can talk about this.”

“I don’t want to talk.” Alex cries. “I just want to forget it all, I want to be able to sleep and wake up and feel normal and I just can’t... please.” She begs.

Maggie leans against the wall carefully, glancing through the locker room door to see what’s going on.

Alex is on the floor, Jonn holding her up on her knees like he’s the only thing keeping her from actually crumbling down completely.

But he gives up and slides down as well, pulling Alex into his chest to hold her as they rock back and forth.

The sight makes Maggie choke and she stifles a sob at the urge to rush in and collapse with them. She almost does when Jonn talks again.

“I know loving someone is hard, especially when they aren’t here.” He says quietly, Alex muffling her crying into his shoulder as he continues. “But if I do this, I could never forgive myself. And I think you know you could never forgive yourself either.”

“I can’t d- do this without h- her.” Alex chokes out, the sounds alone forcing Maggie to let her back slide down the wall as she sinks to the floor to keep herself from crying out loud, the tears hot against the detectives cheeks as she sits, stuck listening to it all. She can’t bear to look anymore, so Maggie just stares up at the ceiling and tries to breathe.

“I know.” Jonn affirms sadly. “Which is why I can’t take your memories Alex. I can’t take away the good things you had with each other. You need them.”

“None of it means anything!” Alex yells out again, not happy with the answer.

“It will. I know you believe now that children may not be for you, and that’s okay. Things change. But someone out there will make you feel love again and yo-" Jonn starts, Alex cutting him off.

“I'm not looking for them, I'm looking for her... I'm looking for Maggie and she’s gone.” She cries brokenly, sounding so angry beneath the pain in her voice. “I just want home to feel safe again, I can't feel like this I can't. And this is the only way.”

“Alex...” Jonn tries again.

“Please. If you care about me, please... I can't.” Alex whimpers.

Its quiet, Alex’s crying filling Maggie’s ears for what feels like hours but can only really be a minute or so.

The detective leans back around the corner, sees Jonn propping Alex onto one of the benches as he looks her over. She just looks broken, in every sense of the word, the stitches on her arm covered poorly by a cloth that bleeds into Jonn’s hands. But Alex's eyes... they're dark in a way that actually scares Maggie a little.

Jonn sighs, reaching up to wipe at Alex’s face a little.

“Okay, I'll do it.” He whispers, the way Alex slumps over in relief at his words making Maggie's chest ache.

And maybe it’s the fact that Alex apparently can’t handle even having the memory of her, or the anger that washes over Maggie at this being the only solution for the agent... maybe it’s the way she feels her heart tearing itself apart with every cry that leaves Alex’s lips.

Regardless of the reasoning, Maggie isn’t letting this happen.

She picks herself up off the floor, groaning with the pain that flashes through her body at the action, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t even wipe the tears from her cheeks before walking into the locker room.

Alex has her eyes clenched shut as Jonn reaches out to hold her head softly.

“Don’t.” Maggie whispers.

Jonn immediately pulls away from Alex, standing defensively in surprise.

“Maggie wh-" He starts, before Maggie shakes her head at him to stop.

“I got it.” She assures him quietly.

He looks between her and Alex, looking a little torn on what he should do. But eventually Alex, who still refuses to look up from the floor as she sits on the bench, gives him a little nod. Her hands are clenched on the edge, knuckles white and bordering on bruising with the tension.

Jonn shuffles back and Maggie breathes a little shakily when he squeezes her hand reassuringly before leaving, somehow the small gesture feeling like the most genuine contact she’s had in a while.

But now it’s just her and Alex again, the silence surrounding them like a theme song.

And it always seems to come down to this. Just them, with so many things to say and no courage to speak.

So Maggie ends up wandering over to the first aid kit in the corner, tugging it from its holder and shuffling back to Alex. She crouches down and sits on her knees in front of the agent, sad when Alex still doesn’t look up at her. So Maggie just pulls Alex’s hand from the bench and positions the agents arm to pull the bloody cloth off.

The harsh lights make the red that runs and dries over Alex’s arm look like a crime scene.

But Maggie grits her teeth as she digs through the medical kit, pulling out some antiseptic, medical tape and gauze.

Alex winces quietly when Maggie cleans her arm as gently as possible, the blood mostly gone by the time Maggie secures some gauze over the stitches and tapes it down a little haphazardly over the curve of her bicep.

Maggie assesses her work, resting her hand on Alex's forearm gently to let her know its okay now. But she can see the tears dripping off Alex's jaw and into her lap, the urge to reach out and stop them burning a hole inside of her.

It's ultimately too much a fight for Maggie to hold herself back, none of the logical things she’s thinking seeming to make any sense when they don’t do anything to help the girl in front of her.

So Maggie reaches out to hold Alex’s cheeks gently, her heart shaking at the whimper the agent let’s out at the touch, her breath choking as she clenches her eyes closed like she's afraid to open them.

“Please look at me.” Maggie whispers, trying her best not to cry as her thumbs wipe over Alex’s cheeks.

Eventually hazel eyes blink back at Maggie, the fear etched behind them like a reflection of what the detective feels coursing through her veins. But she's done being scared, done running. She’s going to fight.

“Lets go home.” Maggie says quietly.

Alex just cries harder, falling forward off the bench and into Maggie, the smell of bourbon making the detective flinch a little even as she leans into Alex.

It hurts having the weight against all the bruises, but Maggie doesn’t say anything as Alex just sobs and nods into her neck, the agent's arms wrapped tightly over her shoulders and showing no sign of letting go.

But eventually, Alex seems to calm down, her breathing a little shaky against Maggie’s chest. She still doesn’t let go.

“You okay to go?” Maggie questions quietly, not exactly sure if either of them are up to the task.

Alex nods slightly against her neck.

“Need a second.” She mumbles out.

Maggie nods slightly. “Is there coffee at home?” she asks gently, knowing it usually sobers Alex up fairly quickly.

The ease with which the question fills the room must be what makes Alex laugh under her breath in a relieved kind of way.

“I think so.” The agent responds, forcing herself to back away from Maggie slightly so she can get them both standing.

The task proves difficult between an injured detective and a drunk agent, but the pair manage to wrap their arms around each other’s waists securely enough to make their way to the control room.

Jonn is pacing there nervously, his eyes shooting up to them when he realizes they're here.

But he only takes a second to look them over before an affectionate smile sets on his face.  
Maggie wonders if he can hear what they’re thinking, if his reaction is a good sign. But she doesn’t get the chance to ask when the director beats her to speaking.

“There’s a car waiting downstairs.” Jonn assures. “I'll fly your bike to the precinct myself, first thing in the morning." He offers, obviously catching Maggie’s side thought about why she actually came here in the first place.

Alex looks like she's about to argue, but stays quiet when Maggie gives her a half hearted glare.

“Thanks Jonn.” Maggie says softly, already guiding Alex towards the elevators.

“Detective!” Jonn calls after her.

Maggie halts and looks over her shoulder. “Yeah?”

“Don’t be a stranger, okay?” He requests, the plea in his eyes sincere and kind of unsettling for Maggie.

She isn’t used to leaving people behind and then coming back. Then again, nothing about these people has ever been what Maggie is used to, the girl on her arm right now proof of just that.

“Okay.” Maggie offers, knowing that one way or another, after this, she has to stick around.

She spots Winn on the balcony above them, his teary smile mending her heart a fraction as she shuffles Alex into the elevator.

But right now, Maggie isn’t ashamed to admit she's grateful for the silence as her and Alex ride down to the lobby, both mumbling thank you's to the young and upbeat agent as she helps them into a black sedan.

And even as they’re sitting there on the back seat, both looking out opposite windows as the city lights stream past, Maggie can’t help feel like the weight in her chest is a little lighter. It's just a kind of natural phenomenon when she’s around Alex, the worst of moments not really feeling as bad as the ones Maggie has to spend without her.

So when Alex reaches blindly across the leather and holds Maggie’s hand cautiously, the detective doesn’t pull away. She finds herself incapable of doing anything other than moving her fingers to intertwine with Alex's.

And that’s how they stay for the few minutes it takes to arrive at Alex’s apartment building.

“Call if you need anything else ma'am.” The young agent offers, insisting on holding the lobby door open for the pair as they stumble inside.

“Yeah, thanks Michaels.” Alex mumbles, the young agent smiling brightly at the acknowledgement.

She starts to head off, but stops when Alex half yells at her from the doorway.

“If you say anything about this, I'll throw you into a holding cell so far beneath the city you'll forget which way the sun comes up.” She threatens, the tone undercut slightly by the fact that she refuses to take her arm away from Maggie’s shoulders.

“Understood ma'am.” Michaels assures, clambering nervously back into the sedan and driving off.

Maggie shakes her head, urging Alex to their second set of elevators for the night. But Alex stumbles a little, not wanting to go any closer than a few feet from the doors.

“What?” Maggie questions worriedly, fearing that Alex doesn’t want her here anymore.

“Can’t go in there.” Alex mumbles bashfully, her eyes finding the floor as opposed to Maggie’s face at the statement. “Since you've been gone I can't... not even the shower. Doesn't feel okay.” She admits quietly.

And it’s not what Maggie was really expecting to hear. She thought Alex had gotten through these fears months ago. She didn’t realise that maybe the agent just felt comfortable enough to do these things when she was around.

“Oh... okay. Well we can take the stairs.” Maggie reasons instinctively, wanting to avoid anything that might hurt Alex in any way.

“No way you're doing five storeys.” Alex retorts, looking over Maggie like an overprotective doctor. Which she is, in a way Maggie supposes.

“I'll be fine.” Maggie assures.

“No.” Alex resolves, looking around and taking a deep breath before nodding to herself as she thinks.

And the fact that Alex won’t bring up the idea of splitting up and going up separately isn't lost on Maggie, some part of her hoping it means Alex doesn't want to leave her side, at least for now.

“Can you just um... if you're with me it’s fine I think.” Alex reasons.

Alex’s PTSD isn’t really something Maggie wants to take chances on, but Alex is already hitting the button and shuffling her weight nervously as the doors roll open.

“We'll stop and get off on the next floor if it's too much.” Maggie whispers, not wanting to freak Alex out anymore than she already is as they step into the metallic box.

Alex mumbles out an okay, the grip her hand has on Maggie’s tightening painfully as the doors creak shut. But she seems okay, one floor and then two clicking by as Maggie watches Alex intently to make sure she isn't freaking out. Three floors, four, the elevator finally sounds a chime as it reaches Alex’s floor, the agent obviously forcing herself not to sprint out as soon as possible.

And Maggie only really breathes easily when Alex stumbles over to her apartment door, her hands shaking a little as she tries to unlock it. But she eventually gets it right, shuffling kind of awkwardly when it swings open.

Maggie can tell that Alex doesn’t really want to go in, something about the way she keeps glancing over at the detective letting on that she’s scared Maggie won’t follow if she does.

So the detective finds herself taking the lead, trying her best not to get too close to Alex as she side steps past the agent into the living room.

And for the second time tonight, Maggie finds herself stuck in between walls of memories, every one just chipping away at her heart a little more painfully than the last. But she has to deal with Alex right now, so she tries her best to put it all aside.

“Sit.” Maggie orders softly, motioning Alex to the couch.

Half of her is expecting an argument, but the other is relieved when Alex just does as she’s told, stuffing her hands into her cargo pants bashfully as she watches her feet cross the floor to the couch.

Maggie takes a deep breath, just to try and keep herself steady as she makes her way around the kitchen, not really surprised when everything is where she remembers it being.

She notices the bottle of scotch on the floor but doesn’t say anything, just picks it up and puts it back on the second shelf. It belongs on the one above but she can’t reach it, so it’ll have to do.

Its quiet as she sets the kettle to boil, heaping coffee into a mug and loading it with sugar the way Alex likes.

Maggie hates realising she has this feeling of content in her chest as she’s doing all of this, something about the routine or the domesticity of it making her forget the pain of this place.

She can’t help chastising herself for letting it be so effortless, why is everything with Alex just so damn easy? Why does she feel safe, why does she feel like she's breathing clearly for the first time in months, why did she let herself get this weak?

“Mags?” Alex calls softly, snapping the detective out of her spiralling thoughts.

And right then, with the sound if Alex's voice, Maggie knows the reason why now. All the questions she's standing here asking herself, Maggie knows the answers to them all, just at the sound of Alex’s voice. She’s why.

“Yeah?” Maggie offers back quietly.

Alex kind of struggles to hold her gaze, finding things to stare at around the room before she answers. “The um... the kettle’s done.”

Maggie glances over at the steaming thing and shakes her head, trying to get herself together as she fills Alex’s mug to the brim. The agent only ever has black coffee.

“Here, be careful.” Maggie requests as she walks over to the living room and hands Alex the mug.

But she doesn’t end up sitting with the agent, instead choosing to pace on the other side of the coffee table to try and alleviate some of the nerves making her hands shake. And Maggie knows that something as flimsy as a glass table isn’t really going to protect her from the girl who just sits and watches her, but it’s all she’s got as a defence right now.

“Please just drink that and let me think for a second.” Maggie entreats gently, swallowing her apology for the pain that flashes across Alex’s face at the words.

But the agent does as Maggie asks, her gaze hanging low as she sips at her probably too hot coffee.

And the sight pulls at Maggie’s heart in a way that forces her to pace again just to cope.

Right now she's just trying to make sense of what's happening. Because she left this place, twice now. So why is she back here? After everything, Maggie can’t figure out what it is about Alex that just keeps her on a continuous loop, always orbiting the agent like a planet flying too close to the sun.

And it’s not like Alex herself is the one forcing Maggie to be here. If anything, her asking Jonn to erase her memories is just proof that Alex wants exactly nothing of Maggie left in her life.

But Maggie knows how that works, she’s seen Jonn do it before. She knows that erasing memories also means Alex would lose anything even remotely connected to them, she'd lose moments with Kara, with her mom, her whole family... Alex would lose all of that, just to forget her.

“Am I that much of a mistake?” Maggie asks, not even really directing the question to Alex, more just voicing what she’s thinking.

“What?” Alex focuses up from her lap, apparently intent on hearing what Maggie has to say.

And the detective started this, so it’s not like she can really just carry on being quiet.

“Am I such a mistake for you, that you would lose all of these memories with your family, just so you wouldn’t have to remember me?” Maggie explains, not really knowing what she wants the answer to be.

But she has to know, because her heart is demanding it at this point, all logic so far gone that Maggie is pretty sure she doesn’t have a single cell firing correctly in her brain.

“I didn’t...” Alex starts, obviously still kind of drunk but trying hard to get something out. “I just... I can’t.” She eventually offers brokenly.

“Can’t what?” Maggie urges, shoving her hands deep into her pockets to keep them from reaching out to try and help the girl in front of her as the emotions rage across Alex's face.

“I can’t have you in here.” Alex attempts, motioning at her head clumsily. “And not in here.” She rests a hand over her heart. “I can’t think about you and know I won’t get to love you again, I don’t... I can’t.”

And Maggie wants to accept that, take the words for what they are. She wants to believe that Alex needed this, that it really was just too much for her. But Maggie can't live without Alex either...

“You don’t think I feel that way too?” Maggie questions a little harshly. “You don’t think I wake up and still think you're going to be there, only to have my world collapse when I end up staring at an empty pillow instead?”

Alex chokes on the words she tries to get out in response, but she stands and tries to reach out for Maggie, her fingers grasping at air as the detective backs away, the coffee table between them preventing Alex from reaching far enough.

“You don’t get to just forget it all because it’s the easy way out.” Maggie whispers, needing Alex to understand how angry she is that she would do that.

“Nothing about you is easy.” Alex entreats. “And you can be mad, that isn’t for me to decide. But it feels like the only way.” She mumbles out, her words clearing as the coffee starts to sink in.

“Only way of what?!” Maggie asks exasperatedly, just wanting Alex to put it all out there, just tell her what’s going on inside that insanely smart head.

“I can’t do this without you!” Alex yells back, the calm she’s so clearly been trying to hold onto just falling apart. “I can’t! But I have to leave this stupid apartment and do my job, I have to go out there and know you're somewhere amongst it all, never with me, and I can't!” She shouts, rounding the coffee table and grabbing Maggie’s hands forcefully, like she’s trying desperately to make the detective understand.

“Please, I just... I need you.” Alex finally whispers.

Maggie just stares back, a little shocked by the outburst. And the words are taking a little time to get through, Maggie trying her best to separate the pain in Alex’s voice from what she’s actually saying.

And she just wants it all to be enough, her head trying to make sense of something her heart is begging her to accept. Maybe Alex needs her too. Maybe everything she’s been saying is the truth and they can fix this.

And Maggie knows she thinks too much, she hates that. She’s tired of caring about wrongs and rights. And it's not like trying to do the right thing has ever done anything but hurt her in the end anyway. But how is she supposed to do any of this? How is she supposed to make it work?

There's so many questions Maggie is still trying to let Alex be the answer to, trying to believe that as long as she can be with this girl, nothing else really matters.  
But doing that has gotten Maggie hurt too...

She can tell that Alex knows what she’s thinking, because the agent backs off, her hands shaking as she looks over Maggie. But the way her eyes seem to dim a little in the darkness makes Maggie’s heart ache to reach forward and hold Alex close, tell her she can have all the second chances in the world so long as she never has this look in her eyes ever again.

But Maggie doesn’t get the chance to say that, Alex finding her voice before she can find the words to speak.

“I never wanted to hurt you, never thought I could...” Alex murmurs quietly. “I didn’t see... you left and I knew then it was a mistake but I couldn't... don't know why I couldn't... I wanted you to come back but it was too late and I just... I don't..” She tries to choke out, her breathing getting too fast to actually get any air. It only gets worse as she tries to keep speaking, no words coming out past her gasping and crying, her eyes filling with panic.

And Maggie can’t stop herself from rushing forward, her hand finding Alex’s chest out of habit to force the agent to take deep breaths against her palm.

“Just breathe.” Maggie urges, helping Alex shuffle back and fall onto the couch to be more comfortable.

But she ends up having to sit in Alex’s lap when there's no change in her condition, Maggie’s hand pressing a little heavier onto Alex’s sternum as she straddles the agents hips. She knows being close to Alex like this used to help calm her down, helps her focus on something external, but Maggie isn’t really sure if it still applies now.

She hasn’t seen this happen to Alex since the incident with the tank. Maggie locks her jaw as she remembers the gasping in the middle of the night, panic attacks every time rain fell against the windows. The memories tug harshly in her chest, making it impossible for Maggie to do anything but find a way to help.

“Alex. Look at me.” She urges, her free hand finding Alex’s jaw to hold her face up to focus on Maggie. “Just breathe Al. In... out.... in.... you're okay, just breathe.” She says as calmingly as possible.

And it seems to work after a few moments, Maggie mumbling out instructions until Alex is just crying quietly, her chest rising steadily against Maggie’s palm after a minute or so.

Alex's head slumps down in embarrassment as she pushes Maggie’s hands away from her face and chest gently.

“Stop, please stop.” Alex whimpers out, avoiding Maggie’s looks of concern even when the detective stays firmly sitting across her legs.

And even though their position should probably feel awkward, Maggie is strangely content, her entire body feeling calmer than it has in months.

“Are you okay?” Maggie asks, feeling a little dumb at the question but not knowing how else to make sure Alex is alright.

Alex nods slightly. “You can go if you want.” she responds quietly, her gaze seemingly finding the cushions at her side incredibly interesting. “I'm sorry for this.” Alex adds on, motioning around vaguely with her hand. “You... I know this time you want to go.”

But Maggie can’t quell the way her heart is screaming at her, ripping at every thought she has about leaving right now, about walking back out that door and never looking back. And Maggie knows well enough by now that she doesn’t have the will power to argue against her own feelings. But still, what she wants isn’t really the deciding factor here.

“What do **you** want?” Maggie emphasizes, leaning back a little so that Alex has some room to think.

“I don’t...too much...can't fix it...I'm sorry.” Alex mumbles out, still not looking up at Maggie as she trails off distractedly.

“I told you already, I don’t want you to be sorry. I just want you to be happy.” Maggie argues softly, trying to get Alex to understand.

But the agent takes a deep breath and bows her head down, refusing to accept that Maggie doesn’t need an apology. But it’s true, Maggie doesn’t blame Alex for all of this, could never blame this girl who would give all she has to protect even just one stranger.

So yes, she's angry, she's in pain. But Maggie understands that sometimes bad things happen to good people, and that sometimes people like herself aren’t always good. But Alex is, she tries to be. That’s one reason out of millions why Maggie loves her after all.

So the detective finds herself leaning back in, her face centimetres from Alex's as her hands move to cup the agents face and force her to look back up.

“I want you Alex, always. You have to know by now just how much I love you.” Maggie whispers, tearing up at the way Alex breaks down in her hands at the admission. “And nothing is ever going to change for me. Everything I am is yours, regardless of whether I walk out of this apartment tonight or not.” She reasons, letting all the hurt and the pain be swallowed up by the truth her heart is relieved to finally hear out loud. “So what do you want Alex?”

It feels like the entire world stops, just for a moment, as Alex finally looks back at Maggie. And there’s no fear, no doubt in her eyes as Alex let’s her hands come up and tangle tightly into Maggie’s hair, holding on as if it gives her the strength to answer.

“I'm tired and I feel heavy, I cant think of the right words...” Alex trails off, her eyes practically begging Maggie to understand. But it’s not enough.

“I need you to say something Alex.” Maggie entreats, the force of her heart trying to reach out for Alex just compelling the detective to lean her forehead against Alex's as the tears stream down both their faces. “Please, just give me something.” She begs.

Alex chokes at Maggie’s words, her hands shaking as they grab at the detectives hair to keep her close as she tries to breathe a little. But she finds her voice after a few seconds...

“You. I want you Maggie.” Alex whispers out fearfully. “I know I’ve hurt you and I don’t know how to fix that, if I could ever find a wa-"  
Maggie doesn’t hear much beyond Alex saying she wants her too, her heart leaping up into her head to take control as she pulls Alex up by her jaw and into a bruising kiss.

And she can taste the tears between their lips, can feel Alex hands flex instinctively as they rest gently against her neck and it all makes Maggie feel completely overwhelmed.

But she can't bring herself to stop, her fingers trailing down Alex's neck and tugging insistently at her jacket until the agent leans forward off the couch a little to tug it off.

Maggie is struggling to breathe with her urge to keep kissing Alex, her nerves all standing on edge when the agent bites gently at her lips. And it almost feels like too much, but Maggie wants more. It’s been so long and she feels like she's found water in the middle of the desert every time Alex deepens the kiss a little further.

So she bites back a groan when she has to lean back a little, Alex stopping her movements by placing a hand over Maggie's heart.

“Wait...” Alex pants out, sinking back into the couch slightly, letting her face fall against Maggie’s collarbone as she breathes.

And Maggie finds herself asking the same question she did minutes before, just to be sure.

“Are you okay?” She murmurs as the fire in her chest simmers down, letting her hands run through Alex's hair softly. She kind of likes the roughness of the short sides which fades into the softness of Alex’s normal hair on top. Maggie can’t help but think how it’s the perfect description of who Alex can be sometimes, rough on the edges and soft in her heart.

Alex just burrows deeper into the space between Maggie’s neck and her shoulder, her hands resting gently against the detectives thighs. But when they start moving to wrap around Maggie’s waist and then stop fearfully, Maggie knows something is wrong.

“Alex?” Maggie questions worriedly. But the agent still just breathes in and out against her neck. “Al-"

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Alex suddenly whispers.

“What do you mean?” Maggie asks softly, actually needing to grab Alex’s face carefully and pull her out of hiding to look at her. “Talk to me.” She entreats.

Alex shakes her head softly between Maggie’s hands, the tears running over the detective's fingers as she keeps Alex from looking away.

“This...” Alex trails off, her hands reaching out softly to touch at the stitches on Maggie’s stomach beneath her shirt and then up and around her ribs where the bruises protest at the soft contact.

And even though it makes Maggie wince a little, she’s not surprised that her body ends up just leaning into Alex’s touch so naturally.

But she can still smell the bourbon beneath the coffee on Alex’s breath, and Maggie doesn’t like doing very much when either of them are drunk. But just like earlier, she needs something, anything to help the spark in her heart turn into the fire it was all those months ago.

And she trusts that Alex wouldn't hurt her if they take things slow. Honestly, Maggie just needs Alex to be near her right now. So she shakes her head at the thought of being hurt by this woman sitting beneath her now.

“I'm okay.” Maggie whispers.

“Magg-" Alex tries, Maggie cutting her off to explain a little.

“I just need you right now. I know you're scared, and we don’t have to do anything you aren't comfortable with but... just be here, just for now. Leave the problems for tomorrow and just say you love me tonight.” Maggie whispers fearfully.

Alex screws her eyes shut, like she's trying to concentrate, her breathing shaky as she tries to stop crying.

“You won't hurt me.” Maggie offers softly, knowing Alex hardly ever admits to fearing something. So for her to be scared of hurting Maggie...

“Alex, just let me in and hold me close, that's all I'm asking. We don’t have to do anything else.” Maggie assures, hoping to take some of the fear from Alex's eyes as she looks back up.

And it takes a few seconds, but Alex nods at the words, her hands shifting to Maggie's waist cautiously to hold her a little closer.

“I do, you know that.” Alex suddenly whispers.

Maggie tilts her head gently “Know what?”

“For everything that's happened, all the mistakes and the pain... please tell me you know.” Alex pleads.

But Maggie is still a little lost as to what Alex is trying to say.

“What do you mean Ale-"

“I love you.” Alex cuts in. “Please tell me I did one thing right, and that you know how in love with you I am.” She begs, breaking down a little in Maggie’s hands. “Because I am, more than anything. You have every piece of my heart, always. I swear it.” Alex cries softly.

And Maggie isn’t sure about a lot of things, she doesn’t know how this is all going to work out, she doesn’t know if it really should.

But Maggie has always known that what her and Alex have is something else, something more than she could really understand. Even though it gets lost sometimes in the craziness and the constant state of crisis they both find themselves living in, Maggie has always believed in two things; Alex’s feelings for her, and her feelings for Alex. So really, there is no other answer than the one Maggie gives.

“I've always known Alex.” She whispers. “Just like a part of me knew from the second I met you, that I will always love you too.”

“Yeah?” Alex questions shakily, choking a little when Maggie moves her fingers over the agents cheeks to try and stop the tears.

“Yeah.” Maggie whispers, kissing Alex’s forehead reassuringly, smiling a little to herself at the way she can feel her heart pulling itself off the floor just to beat for this girl in front of her.

Alex sobs at the confirmation, wrapping her arms around Maggie and pulling the detective close as she falls back into the couch. And it’s a little uncomfortable, but Maggie doesn’t complain about the pain her body tries to communicate to her as she shuffles around a bit in Alex’s embrace, until they're lying down and she can rest her head on the agents heartbeat.

Maggie listens to the repetitive rhythm that echoes against Alex’s ribs, after all this time still a little in awe of the way it calms and slows as she lets her fingers intertwine with Alex’s on the cushions beside them.

“I'm so tired.” Alex mumbles into Maggie’s hair after a while, her words broken and worn down.

The detective sighs a little at the sound of Alex’s voice passing through the agent's lungs beneath her ear.

“Sleep.” Maggie whispers simply, pulling hers and Alex’s joined hands into her chest to hold the agent steady when her breath catches a little in her chest.

But she can feel Alex’s hand shaking a little in her own, Maggie shuffling up a little so she can look down at Alex to see what's wrong.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Maggie assures, leaning down to kiss Alex gently, the whimper the agent let’s out against her lips just shattering Maggie’s heart to pieces all over again.

“You can sleep Alex.” Maggie whispers as she pulls back a little, instantly missing the intimate contact despite the whisky she can taste staining her lips.

“Stay?” Alex murmurs, brushing her nose against the detective's with the closeness they share. “Please?”

Maggie swallows her tears painfully, unable to resist letting her forehead fall to Alex’s and pulling the agent up gently to kiss her again.

And it feels a lot like a promise, Maggie’s lips trying desperately to tell Alex what her voice can’t really say. That she isn’t going anywhere, that all Alex has to do is say the word and Maggie will be hers forever.

But when they eventually need to breathe, when Alex’s fingers shake against the detectives neck as she looks up with fear in her eyes, Maggie knows she has to say something.

And if the question is if she’ll stay, if Alex is the one asking... Maggie gives the only answer she will ever have.

“Always.” She whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so... there might still be two more chapters on this.. I haven't totally decided but I think they'll go up cause I like the ending, especially in regards to Maggie I think. It has a bit more talking and working through... and other stuff 😶😅soooo let me know if ya want more or if ending it here is better?? I'm very conflicted over it so help a girl out 😅😅  
> And have a safe and happy new year 😁xxx


	16. No Hiding Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short bit of Alex...

Her head hurts, her mouth is dry and yet Alex would swear on her life that she hasn’t felt so at peace in months.

Because there's words repeating in her head, her heart light in her chest as Maggie’s voice echoes over and over, her smile playing behind Alex’s eyelids as she sighs at the memory of last night.

So Alex finds her hand reaching out across the sheets, smiling a little at the fact that Maggie must have gotten them up from the couch in the middle of night and moved here.

But the other side of the bed is cold, Alex’s eyes snapping open to pushed back sheets and a ruffled pillow. 

Alex jolts upright her eyes scrambling over the apartment.

“Maggie?” Alex calls, unable to keep the panic form her voice as she falls out of bed, rushing down to the living room.

“Mags?!” She yells, spinning around the room, hopelessly trying to find the girl she loves in a place she obviously isn’t.

And Alex is left empty at the realisation, the air ripping from her chest and coming back to smash her heart into her throat.

Maggie isn’t here, she left. Again.

It's too much for Alex to handle, the agent sinking into the couch and pulling a pillow to her chest and sobbing into the fabric. But she can smell Maggie on it, like the fading smell of vanilla and gunpowder will stay to haunt her, Alex's arms just tightening reflexively as she chokes on her tears.

She can’t help thinking back to last night, her memory a little fuzzy but still there, the feeling of Maggie’s hands on her own lingering like a ghost and twisting a knot into Alex’s chest.

And deep down Alex has accepted this, accepted that this is what she deserves. She’s hurt the only girl she will ever love, beyond repair... and now her punishment is to have her heart beating, not for love, but simply to keep her alive to feel this profound sense of guilt and pain. 

So she knows that there’s no other option other than this. There’s no hiding anymore, there’s no erasing Maggie from her mind in an attempt to keep her heart together. This is what she deserves.

And Alex accepts it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'll be okay! I'm just setting up the last chapter and being dramatic 😅  
> Know this one is short but the next one makes up for it promise 😄  
> Xxx


	17. Deserve to Try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah... let me know if I gotta fix anything as always 😄 this is my first time posting this kinda thing so go easy one me hahaha

Maggie grunts a little as she shuffles the coffee around in her hands, trying to balance the holder in the same hand as the takeout bag holding Alex’s favourite muffins from Noonan's. It's the only place open this early, the sun barely rising through the skyscrapers.

After half carrying and half guiding Alex to bed last night, Maggie was relieved to find some sweatpants and one of her old shirts in the bottom drawer, so she’s at least glad no one was really around this time of the morning to see her choice of clothing.

She sighs in victory as the door clicks, swinging open awkwardly as she shuffles into the apartment and kicks off her shoes.

But her heart stops, her body motionless against the force of seeing Alex curled on the couch, face buried in a pillow. For a second, Maggie smiles at the sight, forgetting everything for just a moment, before Alex looks up at the sound of the door closing behind her.

And when Maggie sees the defeat in Alex’s eyes, the tears on her cheeks and on her jaw, her heart lurches for the agent.

“Alex?” Maggie questions, barely getting the chance to put the coffee on the entrance table before Alex is up and rushing into her.

The agent sobs in relief as her arms wrap around Maggie, mumbling apologies in the detective's ear when they end up stumbling back into the door at the impact and the pain forces a gasp from Maggie’s lips.

“It’s okay.” Maggie assures gently, running her hands up and down Alex's back. “What’s wrong?” she questions softly, reaching up to pull Alex’s face out of her shoulder so she can wipe at the tears on her cheeks.

Alex just sobs in Maggie’s hands, unable to form words against the emotion raging on her face right now, the sight breaking Maggie down to nothing as she searches for a way to fix it.

“I- I thought y- you left.” Alex chokes out, her fingers shaking as they clench into the front of Maggie’s shirt in an attempt to keep her close.

“What?” Maggie asks, a little confused by what’s happening. She just went to get them coffee.

But when Alex just shakes her head, collapsing back into Maggie and crying into her neck, the detective finally understands.

“Hey.” She urges, pulling Alex back out of hiding to see her eyes. “I'm sorry. I just went out, I thought I’d be back before you woke up.” Maggie explains gently. “But I'm here. I'm always here, okay? I promise Alex.” She whispers.

“The bed was so cold and I can't-" Alex chokes, trying her best to calm down but not really succeeding.

“Its okay.” Maggie murmurs, pulling Alex into a crushing hug, letting her fingers run through the agent’s hair in an attempt to soothe the pain in her voice. “I'm here, I'm not leaving.” She assures again, grateful when the words seem to have some effect and Alex breathes a little easier and sniffles in her ear.

“Alex, are you alright?” Maggie questions, pulling the agent from her shoulder so she can look her in the eyes.

“I'm sorry.” Alex whimpers into the detective's hands. “I'm so sorry Maggie, I'm so-"

Maggie cuts her off, just pulling Alex into a kiss to drown out the apologies the agent is rambling out. Because Maggie’s heard enough.

“Stop apologizing.” She whispers against Alex’s lips, her hands tight on the agents jaw to hold her close.

“I can’t.” Alex cries brokenly, her gaze avoiding Maggie’s painfully. “The things I’ve done to you, to us..” Alex forces out.

“Alex, look at me.” Maggie demands a little sternly, the agent choking in a breath as she forces her eyes to look at the detective.

“I love you Alex. Nothing you do or say could ever change that.” Maggie states, the truth of it making her heart race in her chest as Alex cries at the admission. “So you don’t need my forgiveness, you have it already... you need your own.” Maggie reasons softly.

Alex just stares back at her, a look in her eyes that Maggie can’t really place. And some part of her is worried she’s said the wrong thing, another knowing that it’s the only thing she could say. Because it’s true.

“I don’t know how to do that.” Alex whispers fearfully, her hands pulling back from Maggie’s shirt as she shuffles back into the apartment dejectedly. “I can’t handle knowing you almost died because of me. You should hate me.” She reasons, pacing in front of the coffee table as she runs a hand through her hair a little angrily, all of the emotions seemingly hitting her all over again now that the bourbon has worn off.

And Maggie’s heart breaks at the way the words sound so down, Alex’s voice not hiding any of the pain and guilt that rage across her face. So really, what choice does she have other than to follow Alex into the living room and grab the agents arm to halt her movements.

“What is it going to take for you to understand? I can never hate you.” Maggie repeats again, desperately needing Alex to believe her. “Please, just tell me what I need to do. How do I prove to you how much I love you? Because I don-"

Alex pulls her in harshly, her lips finding Maggie’s a little roughly at her haste to kiss the detective. And Maggie just finds herself pulling at Alex’s shoulders, desperate to be a little closer, to feel just a little more before Alex moves back slightly.

“You don’t have to prove anything.” Alex murmurs, hands threading into Maggie’s hair like she’s trying hopelessly to keep her from moving away.

But Maggie isn’t going anywhere.

“Neither do you.” The detective whispers.  
Alex just shakes her head, pulling Maggie’s forehead to her own like she can’t handle what she's hearing.

“I’ve made so many mistakes...” Alex chokes out brokenly, the sound stabbing at Maggie’s heart like a knife.

“I know you don't trust yourself right now Alex.” Maggie offers, trying her best to keep the agent steady. “But trust me. We’re gonna be okay, together.”

“How can you know that?” Alex questions, her eyes begging that Maggie has the answer.

And it may not be what the agent is expecting, but it’s what Maggie is telling herself, what she’s been telling herself over these last few days.

“I don’t know.” She admits, stopping the words about to come from Alex’s mouth with a shake of her head as she continues.

“But I'm with you. And that's enough.” Maggie reasons quietly.  
Alex chokes a little before taking a breath and huddling in close to Maggie.

“You're sure?” She asks, the weary look in her eyes fading a little as Maggie wraps her arms around the agents waist.

“Yeah. We'll figure it all out.” Maggie confirms, smiling a little and bumping her nose against Alex’s, ecstatic at the quiet chuckle Alex let’s out at the gesture.

And she can’t help leaning in to kiss the agent’s relieved smile, Alex’s little sigh at the contact making Maggie laugh against her lips.

So she just sighs in content as Alex wraps her arms over her shoulders, Maggie's hands finding the centre of Alex’s back as she lets her fingers move up and down slowly over Alex's spine to try help the agent relax.

“I missed this.” Alex breathes out, letting her body sway a little like there’s a song playing silently in her head. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Maggie whispers, pulling at Alex’s waist to bring her in a little closer as they dance in place in the middle of the apartment.

And the feeling of just being able to be this close, to feel Alex’s heartbeat against her chest as she leans her forehead against Maggie's, seems to make the world stop, everything silent out of respect for this moment when Maggie feels her heart accept that she’s home again.

So when Alex’s fingers start playing with the detective's hair, the agent's breath landing against her lips, Maggie can’t help saying the only thing echoing in her heart.

“Alex.” She whispers, not really intending for the agent to hear her, but grateful she did when Alex opens her eyes and looks back at her.

“Maggie.” Alex mirrors back, letting her hands trail to the detectives jaw.

The shift is instant, Maggie’s hands holding a little tighter to Alex’s waist, her lungs working a little harder to breathe.

And when Alex tilts her head down slightly, a small smile spreading on her face, Maggie can’t stop herself from leaning up and kissing the agents cheek.

She can feel Alex’s fingers tense on her jaw, the agent holding her breath as Maggie pulls back a little. And the fire in Alex’s eyes sparks something in Maggie’s chest that urges her to step forward to try and close the already small space between them.

But Alex ends up shuffling backwards, her hands pulling at Maggie’s shirt to make her follow up the stairs, the agent stopping at the foot of the bed and sitting down, her eyes looking up at Maggie questioningly as she stands in front of her.

And the detective finds herself needing to ask, because after last night she isn’t sure if Alex is still scared.

“Al-"

“I want to.” Alex cuts her off quietly, knowing Maggie’s question before it’s said between them. But her eyes are a little unsure as they look back up at Maggie. “If you want.. I mean.. I don’t know ho-"

“Stop talking.” Maggie urges softly, letting her thumbs brush over Alex’s lips as her hands rest on her jaw, keeping her head tilted up to look into her eyes. “You'll tell me if we need to stop?” She asks seriously, not allowing Alex to move an inch as she stares down at the agent, waiting for an answer.

“Will you?” Alex questions back, her voice strong like she’s trying to make sure Maggie won't let her go to far. “If it's too much a-"

“Yes Alex.” Maggie cuts her off gently, fingers trailing the lines of concentration by Alex’s eyes as her hands brush her hair back a little. “I trust you and I promise I'm okay. So I'm asking, do you want this?” She asks quietly.

Alex swallows her questions, hands shaking as they pull Maggie in closer to her until the detective has to climb up and sit in her lap, Maggie's thighs shaking a little as they come to rest against Alex’s. And Maggie waits as the agent bites her cheek in thought for a few moments, her hands tapping nervously on Maggie’s hips.

And the detective finds herself running her hands through Alex’s hair a little as she waits, the strands soft between her fingers as the agent moans quietly and closes her eyes at the contact, leaning her forehead against Maggie’s collarbone.

“Al-" Maggie tries asking again, her words lost to the girl beneath her.

“Yes, I want... I just...” Alex breathes out between them, sighing at her own lack of words and simply dragging Maggie forward into her hips.

The gesture is excruciating, Maggie biting back a moan as her stomach flips at the contact.

“Are you sure?” Maggie forces out, trying hopelessly to hold onto the tiny amount of restraint she has left. Because she isn’t willing to do anything unless Alex wants her to, she needs that line to be drawn.

But Alex just runs her hands up Maggie sides, the detective breathing sharply at the touch until Alex grabs her jaw and pulls the detective in close.

“Please, just kiss me.” Alex breathes out. “We’ve made mistakes. This isn’t one of them.” She assures quietly, lips brushing against the detective's with a silent question. “You will never be a mistake Maggie.”

And the fire in Maggie’s body is nothing compared to the way her heart feels hearing those words. And she may be a little broken, but Alex always feels like she fits the shattered pieces perfectly.

So Maggie is done, she can't wait another minute, can’t find any doubt to scare her heart into submission. After so long fighting, all Maggie can do now, is surrender.

“Okay.” She whispers, finally leaning down to kiss Alex softly, sighing at how it feels to finally let the weight in her chest go and just enjoy the softness of Alex’s lips on her own.

But Alex still feels a little unsure of what she should do though, so Maggie grabs at her hands and guides them to her waist, pressing the agents fingers into her skin to let on that she’s okay.

It seems to work after a few seconds, Alex cautiously moving her hands to the small of Maggie’s back and tugging insistently until Maggie’s body has no room to move other than against Alex’s own.

And the heat that sparks inside Maggie is insufferable, forcing her to pull away to catch her breath when the agents body tenses beneath her, Alex’s hands just pulling Maggie down closer every time her hips roll a little subconsciously.

But when she focuses back on the girl below her, the way Alex is looking at her... Maggie just gives in completely, happy to suffocate rather than be apart from her any longer.

She crashes their lips together, pushing Alex back onto the sheets and wincing a little when her ribs ache at the action. But the pain is nothing compared to the feeling of Alex holding her close, her touch burning like fire even through Maggie’s clothes.

And the mix of long gone coffee and bourbon, along with something unmistakably Alex that Maggie can taste on her tongue drives her over the edge, her head giving way to something else entirely as she settles her weight against Alex’s body to keep her from arching up every few seconds.

The frustrated whimper Alex let’s out between their lips just makes Maggie press down a little harder to hear the sound again, Alex's fingers scratching at her shoulders slightly in protest.

And by this point, Maggie's hands seem adamant to find their own way around, searching for the front of Alex’s shirt and tugging at it harshly.

“Off.” Maggie half pleads and half demands, fingers shaking as they trail down Alex's side's until they bunch into her shirt hem.

The agent moans at the gesture, her arms falling away from Maggie briefly to let the detective hastily pull the offending fabric over her head and toss it aside, a small smile falling into place at the familiar sports bra Alex’s chest struggles to rise and fall against.

Maggie urges Alex to shuffle up the bed, following the agent until she sits back against the headboard and pulls Maggie back over her legs, the detective’s heart stalling as she straddles Alex’s hips like this.

However, even with her heart beating a thousand miles a minute, Maggie finds that her hands are a little hesitant to reach out and touch Alex’s skin, the notion seeming terrifying after so long. So she leans back a little, finding that some small part of her is still scared. Not of Alex, but just of the weight of what this all means.

But when the agent looks up at her, breathing shakily as her fists clench in the sheets to stop herself from touching Maggie without permission, there’s no self control left inside of the detective for her to hold back from this, from Alex.

So she lets her fingers whisper across the bone of Alex’s hip, noticing the way the agent clenches her jaw and screws her eyes shut to stay still. And even though the thought crosses Maggie’s mind that maybe it isn’t the best time for things like this, just like everything else with Alex, it’s too damn easy to let go and do it anyway.

And she can’t help the lurch in her heart at the way Alex actually holds her breath when she trails her fingers up across the agents ribs, a spark of uneasiness settling over Maggie at the realisation that the edges are a little sharper than she remembers, the muscles that tense beneath her touch as it moves across Alex’s stomach yielding the same result.

It’s heart-breaking to think the tough girl Maggie remembers has so little care for herself that this is the outcome of everything. And it’s not so much that Maggie had hoped Alex would be strong, no one can be all the time. It’s more that she believed all of this wouldn’t have been so hard for the agent to handle, she didn’t think losing her would feel like this for Alex. So with the realisation that it obviously hasn't been easy... well Maggie hasn't felt so wrong about something in a long time.

And she notices Alex watching her now, something in the agent’s eyes just waiting for the judgement to fall. But Maggie is just filled with a sense of purpose, intent to wipe the fear from Alex’s mind. Because not being strong isn't a weakness Maggie could ever judge her for, especially when it comes to the way she feels.

So even though Alex swallows heavily as Maggie rests her hands firmly against the agents waist, the detective is grateful that the body beneath her own remains mostly calm.

“Maggie...” Alex whispers fearfully, her eyes threatening to cry again as she starts trying to think of what to say.

Maggie just shakes her head softly, squeezing Alex’s waist a little in reassurance as she leans in and nudges the agents face up slightly with her nose so she can kiss her softly.

“I got you.” Maggie offers quietly, repeating the words she remembers Alex saying to her at the warehouse, the promise echoing a little in the quiet room.

Alex let’s out a shaky sigh in relief as she finally let’s her hands come up from the mattress and thread into the detective's hair, her breathing unsteady against Maggie's lips as she holds her close.

And all it takes is Maggie tilting her head slightly in question for Alex to pull her in, the force of their bodies meeting making Maggie groan against Alex’s lips at the ache that shoots through her chest.

Alex tries to pull away at the sound, but Maggie just moves her hands up onto Alex’s jaw to keep her exactly where she is, letting her teeth pull gently at the agents bottom lip to let her know she’s still okay.

The reaction is practically instantaneous, the fingers in Maggie's hair pulling tightly to tilt her head back so Alex can kiss and bite at the raging pulse Maggie can feel on her neck.

And the combination of Alex’s lips against her skin and not being able to breath every time the agent's teeth scrape against her throat makes Maggie’s head spin.

Her fingers scratch a little at Alex’s neck and shoulders, pulling her close as Maggie tries to stay in control of this particular brand of self punishment. But eventually she can’t take anymore, shoving Alex back a little forcefully into the headboard and leaning down to kiss her senseless.

She’s probably a little rough, but Alex just moans and goes pliant beneath Maggie’s hands, willing to just let the detective take control right now. And Maggie has no issue with that, the relief that fills her chest at being able to rest her hands against Alex’s neck, feel her heart going crazy beneath her fingertips...

And Maggie can’t help the way her hips roll instinctively when Alex just arches up into her slightly, the detective groaning at the tension building in her body as Alex takes the opportunity to bite at her parted lips. It makes it hard for Maggie to concentrate, half of her wanting to be in charge and half of her wanting to be reduced to nothing in Alex’s hands.

But when Alex whimpers and the sound catches in her throat, Maggie’s mind is made up.

She presses a hand flat against Alex’s chest, groaning a little at the whine the agent let’s out when their lips break apart at the action, pushing her back into the headboard.

“Let me, just for a while.” Maggie pleads gently, searching Alex’s eyes for any sign that she doesn’t want to do this.

But Alex just gasps, tossing her head back in desperation as she nods and mumbles an okay out to Maggie as a response.

Maggie smiles and kisses Alex’s collarbone lightly, feeling the agent's heartbeat beneath her lips stutter and ramble as Alex tries to breathe haphazardly, hands fisting into the pillows.

And the fact that Alex is trying to hold back just makes Maggie smirk as she lets her lips trace the outline of Alex’s bra, shuffling down the agents legs so she can kiss each of her ribs gently as she lets her fingers rest just under the elastic holding the material to Alex’s chest.

“Maggie...” Alex whines, her hands coming up to grip her short hair in frustration.

Maggie hums against Alex's stomach in response, letting her hands drift back down to Alex's waist, glancing up when the agent takes a deep breath and swears under the sound.

“You okay there Danvers?” Maggie murmurs, still fascinated at the feeling of Alex’s skin beneath her fingers and lips, the small scars that line the agents body interrupting the smoothness every now and then as Maggie let's herself wander over it all.

“Yeah.” Alex grates out, the effort to get the word out evident in her voice as the detective shuffles back up her body.

She lets her tongue dip softly into the centre of Alex’s ribs, the feeling of Alex’s lungs shaking beneath her lips at the contact making Maggie’s head rush as she takes a breath and moves her lips over Alex’s bra and bites a little at her nipple through the fabric.

Alex gasps, her shoulders pushing off the headboard a little before she forces herself back against the wood with muted muttering and swearing as Maggie straddles her hips again.

Maggie chuckles, letting her breath move over Alex’s collarbones as her fingers wander over the waistband of her pants.  
It earns a stifled groan from Alex, the agents hands grabbing gently at Maggie’s arms in response.

“Want something?” Maggie murmurs against Alex's neck, her stomach flipping at the way the girl beneath her moans at the question as her hips shake a little beneath Maggie.

But Alex just clenches her jaw, her hands moving away from Maggie and back into her short hair, pulling at it like the sensation will take away the feeling of Maggie's fingers ghosting over her skin as she waits to hear a response.

And Maggie knows it can't last, knows that when she bites gently at Alex's jaw that she'll get her to say something.

“Tell me what you want Alex.” Maggie whispers, her hands pressing down on Alex’s hips to stop them from pushing up until she hears an answer.

But the words Alex offers, aren’t what Maggie is expecting.

“You.” Alex breathes out, pulling Maggie’s face up from her neck to rest their foreheads together. “I always want you.” She murmurs.

Maggie can’t help but pull back a little, her chest tightening in an attempt not to cry, Alex's words echoing in her heart. But the agent just sits up a little to wrap her arms around Maggie's waist.

“I mean it. Please don’t be scared.” Alex whispers, her voice shaky as she catches her breath a little.

Maggie laughs under her breath, hands grabbing at Alex’s cheeks gently.

“I'm not scared.” She assures quietly. “I want you too.”

Alex shuts her eyes at that, smiling as a few tears roll down her cheeks and she tilts her head to kiss Maggie's palms. But eventually she returns her focus to the detective, eyes asking for permission as she pulls Maggie a little closer.

And with the way her breath hitches when her hips meet Alex’s again, Maggie can’t find the words to answer, instead just pulling Alex into a kiss as the agent urges her to roll over into the pillows.

Maggie’s head spins when Alex settles above her, the agent shifting a leg to rest between Maggie’s own as her hips roll down a little.  
It sends an ache shooting through Maggie, her lips breaking away from Alex’s with a gasp as the agent turns her attentions to Maggie’s neck, her hands steadily bunching into the hem of Maggie’s shirt and dragging it up her stomach.

Alex’s fingers brush cautiously over the stitches by Maggie’s hip, like she’s remembering where they are exactly so she won’t hurt the girl beneath her.

“Alex...I..” Maggie breathes out, losing her sense of speech a little with the way Alex presses down against her.

“Mhmm.” Alex hums, pressing her lips to Maggie’s cheek to listen.

And Maggie doesn’t really know how to ask for what she wants right now, her entire body on fire beneath her clothes as it begs to just get closer, to feel more. So she pushes at Alex’s shoulder gently, urging her to lean back so she can pull her shirt over her head and throw it to the floor, grateful she didn't put anything else on this morning before leaving as she grabs Alex by the neck and tugs her back into a kiss, the friction from the agent's bra brushing across her nipples making Maggie gasp.

She lets her tongue drag across the agents lips, revelling in the moan Alex let’s out into her mouth as she reaches up to grab Maggies hands and pin the detective to the bed at the action, pressing her down into the pillows carefully.

And even though the ache in Maggie's ribs makes it a little hard to breath, she finds herself arching against Alex’s waist as the agent's lips trail over her chest.

Maggie writhes when Alex's tongue circles a nipple temptingly before she returns the detective's earlier gesture and bites at it gently, her tongue slipping out past the smile Maggie can feel on the agents face to soothe the harsh sensation.

And the small amount of pain that flashes through Maggie as Alex repeats the action on her other breast, added to the weight of the agent against her hips, is driving Maggie a little insane. She struggles to catch her breath as Alex trails small bites and kisses along her collarbones and up her neck, Maggie trying not to curse at the slow pace Alex seems content to be setting.

And her resolve doesn’t last very long when Alex smirks against her neck at her apparently futile attempts to stay calm, Maggie's arms pushing up instinctively against Alex’s hold to get her to let go. And a small part of Maggie isn't really sure if she’s capable of challenging the strength of the girl above her right now.

So she bites back a moan when Alex allows it and loosens her hold, trailing a hand down Maggie's side carefully, fingers tracing around the bruises she’s kept watch over the last few days. But Alex still pulls back a little as her fingers reach Maggie’s pants, looking to the detective for permission.

And god its not like she could ever say no to the eyes looking down at her, so Maggie just nods, reaching for Alex and tugging her back in, groaning against her lips as the agent tugs at her waistband until she swears at the irritation of having to shuffle back on her knees to pull the pants off the detectives legs, leaving Maggie in just her ruined underwear.

Alex's eyes move over every inch of Maggie's body, her pupils black by the time they return to the detective's gaze.

It makes Maggie's stomach clench, her fingers fisting in the sheets as she glances down to the utility pants that cling to Alex’s waist. The agent gets the hint, sliding off the bed so she can stand and work her belt through its clasp. But she stops when it comes to the rest, her fingers faltering as she tries to get the button undone.

Maggie can tell that Alex is nervous, so she sits up, cautious as she shuffles to the foot of the bed on her knees and reaches out for Alex’s hands.

“I still got you.” She whispers shakily, smiling gently when Alex nods and takes a breath, her fingers steady enough with Maggie's to guide them to get through her button and zipper, letting the DEO uniform fall to the floor.

And she's seen Alex in less, seen every inch of the girl in front of her. But Maggie still finds the sight of Alex right now intoxicating, her plain bra and underwear reminding Maggie of their first time together and making the detective smile a little.

So Maggie has no complaints when Alex seems to notice and doesn’t take them off, simply urges Maggie back up onto the bed so she can lean over the detective carefully.

Her fingers trail over Maggie’s skin, eyes checking every mark and injury carefully, Alex eventually leaning down and kissing her chest, right above the detective's heart.

Maggie whimpers a little at the gesture and Alex just smiles up at her softly before moving her lips down, her tongue teasing the lines of Maggie’s ribs, her stomach, eventually reaching the stitches near Maggie’s hip and kissing the skin around them carefully.

And when Alex’s hands run over Maggie’s thighs, urging them open a little so she can settle between them, the detective chokes on the breath she tries to pull in, clenching her eyes shut at the way her muscles tremble under Alex's touch.

But she breathes shakily when Alex just reaches up to pull her fingers from the sheets, apparently not caring if the grip is too tight as she moves their hands onto Maggie’s stomach to hold her steady, her arm resting over the detective's hips.

Maggie registers Alex shuffling down a little more, her shoulders settling behind Maggie’s thighs as the detective forces herself to look down, groaning at the look in Alex’s eyes as she asks a silent question.

And all Maggie can do is squeeze Alex’s hand in response, collapsing into the pillows when the agent smiles up at her gently and bites her lip.

So when she feels Alex’s lips against her inner thigh, feels her smiling against the skin every time she goes a little higher, Maggie whines in frustration. But Alex seems content to do that for a while, her arm still draped over Maggie’s hips to keep them down as her thumb runs gently over the back of the detective’s palm.

And Maggie doesn’t ask for it to go any faster, knowing that Alex won’t risk hurting her in any way.

But the sweat on her skin is hot, her entire body screaming for this girl who is currently pulling her apart at the seams. Still, Maggie doesn't ask.

Alex must pick up on something though, because she squeezes Maggie’s hand gently, prompting the detective to look down at her.

And when Alex lets her lips trace the outline of Maggie’s underwear, her eyes demanding she doesn’t look away, Maggie is about one breath from losing her control on the situation. It’s something Alex clearly knows, because she looks over Maggie one more time to check she’s okay, before letting her tongue run over the fabric, pressing a little harder on Maggie’s clit as she goes.

The slight pressure shoots through her core and Maggie can’t help falling back to the bed with a moan, her body weak at the relief of getting even that small sensation. But Alex just chuckles against Maggie’s thigh, dragging her lips back to Maggie’s centre once the girl below her is breathing a little and repeating the motion.

She moans against Maggie’s clit when the detective ends up threading her fingers into Alex’s hair to try and stay a little grounded, the feeling clenching Maggie’s muscles before letting them relax when Alex returns to her previous ministrations.

It doesn’t take long for Maggie to feel herself getting lost to the feeling of Alex's mouth moving over her. She gasps as the agents breath lands coldly against her skin every time she pulls back a little to move, her underwear hot by contrast just making Maggie's core tense frustratingly around nothing.

But something inside Maggie needs more, wants to feel Alex’s lips on her own and feel her heart beating against her chest.

So she finds her hands tugging at Alex’s hair gently, urging the agent to crawl back up her body, the feeling of Alex’s stomach dragging over her clit through her underwear making Maggie groan and roll her hips up at the contact.

“You okay?” Alex whispers, the worry in her voice making Maggie’s heart tremble as the agent holds herself up, her hands fisting a little fearfully in the sheets.

“Kiss me.” Maggie murmurs, pulling at Alex’s jaw until she leans down and moans against her lips, her thigh moving between Maggie’s legs to replace her mouth, biting at the detective's lips when she gasps and arches up against Alex’s hips at the contact.

But Maggie has to throw her head back into the pillows just to breathe when Alex’s shifts a hand from the bed to press onto her chest, forcing her into the pillows gently.

Maggie whimpers at the way her heart lurches up as if it wants to be in the palm of Alex’s hand.

And her breath hitches as Alex leans down, kissing and biting along her neck and jaw, the pain of a mark bruising over her pulse making Maggie a little dizzy.

So when Alex’s hand begins wandering down her side, scratching lightly down her stomach, Maggie swears under her breath at the sensation that shoots through her body.

And when the agent's fingers stop, shaking a little at the waistband of Maggie’s underwear, she can feel Alex hold her breath against her neck as she waits for permission.

Maggie just arches up a little in response, her voice lost to the moan that rips from her throat as Alex lets her fingers move beneath the fabric, stopping fractions away from where Maggie is begging for her to go.  
It pulls a whimper from Maggie’s mouth, Alex pulling away from her neck and looking down at the detective with fire in her eyes at the sound.

“Please.” Maggie whispers brokenly, reaching up to hold Alex’s jaw to try and stay steady, doing her best to get the word out past her racing heart.

Alex just groans at the request, dropping her face to Maggie’s shoulder as she lets her hand go down a little further, her fingers finally moving slowly over Maggie's clit, the slight friction arching the detective off the bed at the contact before Alex rests her weight down to keep her mostly still.

“Al-" Maggie tries to gasp out, her words choked off when Alex bites at her neck gently and let’s her fingers wander to Maggie’s entrance and press in slightly.

Alex's touch is gentle and exploring as she moans against Maggie’s neck, fingers shaking against the detective a little before steadying and dragging back up to her clit slowly.

It's almost too much, the ache in Maggie’s core excruciating as it drives her to push into Alex’s touch desperately, unable to keep the gasps and whimpers from her mouth.

“Shhh.” Alex murmurs, the sound just causing Maggie to throw her head back into the pillows as she tries to keep some grip on a sense of reality. “Relax Mags.” The agent urges, pressing her hips down a little to pin Maggie’s to bed and stop her from moving as she pushes her fingers into the detective a little more.

And Maggie can’t help trying to arch up against the girl above her, every fibre just begging to be stretched and filled by the agent. Maggie wants to forget where she starts and Alex ends, wants to be completely and utterly wrecked to the point she forgets her own name.

But Alex is careful, every move gentle and thought out even though Maggie whimpers and whines against her lips.

Her hands beg for Alex to be closer as she tries desperately to keep her hips under control every time the agent let’s her fingers trail from Maggie's clit back down to her entrance, repeating the motion over and over until Maggie is left writhing and sweating against the pillows.

“Alex.. I can’t..” Maggie gasps out, choking back a frustrated cry as Alex kisses along her jaw, stilling her fingers against Maggie as the detective tries desperately to arch her hips up just to feel more.

So when Alex doesn’t move, doesn't drag her touch back up through Maggie’s folds to her clit again, the detective collapses back into the bed with a groan, trying hopelessly to breathe and stay calm as her entire body screams at her to do something to relieve the ache inside of her.

And it only gets harder when Alex drags her lips to Maggie’s ear, biting at it gently before she whispers out a request.

“Say you love me.” She breathes out on the detective’s neck. “Please?”

Maggie tries not to sob at the words, her hands just clinging to Alex like she’s the only thing her heart will ever need to keep beating. Because she is.

So she finds herself raising trembling hands to Alex’s face, pulling the agents forehead up to her own so she can see those dangerous eyes looking down at her softly.

“I could never do anything, other than love you Alex.” Maggie admits shakily, feeling the air catch in Alex’s chest where it rests above her own.

Alex just clenches her eyes shut, letting out a breath like she’s been holding it in for months before she closes the space between hers and Maggie’s lips. She kisses her gently, biting at Maggie's parted lips as she finally lets her fingers push into her, Alex shifting her weight a little so she can rest a thigh behind her hand to go a little further, her palm eventually resting against Maggie’s clit cautiously.

It forces a gasp from Maggie’s lips, the urge to arch and push until she can’t breathe merciless even as Alex stills her movements, her lips faltering against Maggie’s briefly in concern. It just makes the detective moan in response.

So Maggie finds herself rolling her hips up a little to let Alex know she’s okay, elated when the girl above her responds with a heated kiss, her tongue dragging over Maggie’s lips harshly in a request the detective quickly grants, her hands pulling tightly at Alex's hair to anchor herself.

And the sensation of Alex pulling her fingers out slowly, dragging them carefully over every spot she knows by heart, makes Maggie gasp and groan before Alex pushes back into her steadily and repeats the pattern over and over.

It's the feeling of having Alex against her, the agents fingers slowly moving between their bodies with a torturous commitment, that has Maggie on the edge in a matter of minutes, her hands shifting and clinging to Alex’s shoulders in a way that’s probably painful.

She can barely breath past her need to have Alex’s lips sighing and moaning against her own, Maggie losing control of the way her hips jerk and arch erratically every time Alex pushes in a little harder or curls her fingers out a little faster, the heel of her hand dragging over Maggie’s clit making it all feel a little overwhelming the closer she gets to letting it all go.

But something holds her back, Maggie groaning against Alex’s shoulder in frustration as she struggles to contain herself, thoughts of the past coming to the surface and being lost just as quickly in the forefront of Maggie’s mind.

And Alex notices the change, because she slows down a little, breathing hard as she leans over Maggie with concern etched in her whisky eyes, searching the detective’s face for an answer to what’s wrong.

Maggie tries to gasp something out, her lungs not cooperating with her voice when she ends up just whimpering as Alex looks down at her gently.

But the agent must understand, because her lips find Maggie’s softly, nothing about the chaste kiss rushed or heated, simply a confirmation that Maggie doesn’t need to worry. And she doesn't when Alex pulls back a little and whispers into the small space between them.

“I love you too Maggie. I'm not going anywhere.” Alex swears quietly, the tone in her voice sounding like she’s offering her heart itself to Maggie for her to do with as she pleases.

And all Maggie really wants is to hold it against her own, to be allowed to love Alex as much as anyone ever could. It’s all she’s ever wanted.

So when Alex’s fingers resume their gentle pace, Maggie just pulls Alex down into a burning kiss, arching up into her touch as she lets the pressure inside go, relief flooding every piece of her as the pleasure rolls through her body. Its an excruciating mix of her muscles tensing and releasing, over and over again, combined with the way Alex whispers assurances against her lips, that wrenches gasps and moans from Maggie's throat as Alex pushes and pulls her fingers slowly against her to draw it all out reverently.

And Maggie only seems to be able to breathe again when she slumps back into the mattress, her head spinning as it tries to get everything back under control.

But when she can feel that her bones are heavy and that her muscles are shaking under Alex’s touch, Maggie reaches down and grabs the agents wrist gently.

She moans when Alex understands the gesture and let’s her fingers drag out of Maggie slowly, the way the agent's thumb brushes over her sensitive clit as she trails her hand back up the detective’s body making her gasp at the jolt that fires through her body.

“Sorry.” Alex murmurs into Maggie's hair as she wipes her fingers against the sheets, the sound of a smile in her voice just prompting the detective to pull Alex up a little so she can see it.

But it quickly fades into concern, Alex’s eyes filling with worry as she brings a hand up to brush Maggie’s hair back onto the pillow.

“What's wrong?” Alex whispers, the fear in her voice making Maggie’s hands tremble against her jaw.

And Maggie doesn’t understand the question, doesn’t know why Alex is starting to freak out a little. Until the agent starts wiping at Maggie’s cheeks gently, the tears threatening to fall from her own eyes as she looks down on the detective as she cries.

Maggie didn’t realise she was feeling this much, unprepared for being here right now with Alex. But she is.

“Alex I'm okay.” Maggie assures, the sound of her voice cracking a little past the tears just making Alex crumble into her.

And the weight of Alex on top of her makes Maggie groan a little, her ribs protesting, but not enough for her to want to move. But Alex notices. She always notices.

The agents arms wrap around Maggie as she rolls over onto her back, pulling the detective along with her so that she's lying on Alex’s chest.

And there’s not much Maggie can do with Alex determined to hold her so close, her face hiding in Maggie’s neck.

But sound of Alex crying gently just wrenches every cell in Maggie’s heart.

“Alex?” Maggie questions, shuffling around a bit until she’s lying beside Alex, their legs woven together as she leans over the agent slightly. “Al, please talk to me.” She pleads quietly, stroking Alex’s hair back to see her eyes.

“I j-just ne-need a sec- ond.” Alex chokes out, her arms still painfully tight around Maggie’s waist.

“Okay.” Maggie whispers, shuffling back into Alex to let the agents face hide in her hair again until she’s ready.

But the silence draws out thoughts of Maggie's own, moments she’s buried to try and spare herself the pain. And she can't help but just let them out into the slowly brightening room.

“I saw you.” Maggie murmurs, Alex shuffling back a little to look up at her in question, the tears on her face slowly drying out the more Maggie moves her thumb over the agents jaw as she continues.

“When I was... when Drax...” She has to take a breath on impulse, her throat constructing a little at the memory of the aliens hand crushing around it. “I thought that was it. And all I could think about was seeing you smile.”

“Maggie...” Alex whispers, biting her cheek to stop talking when Maggie shakes her head softly at her, just needing to say the words out loud.

And she can tell the agent is getting a little restless when she takes a moment to think, so even though Maggie can’t really describe it that well, she knows she has to say something.

“I think that's the best thing I’ve ever done in my life, making you smile.” She whispers out. “Knowing that even just for a split second I could make you feel like that... it’s everything to me Alex.” Maggie admits quietly. “You're still everything.”

Alex just stares back at her, something behind her eyes making Maggie feel like the world could be ending, and all Alex would do is look at her like this.

“Al-" Maggie tries.

“You deserve more.” Alex cuts in gently, her fingers coming up to Maggie’s face to trace the lines of her eyes.

“I don’t understand.” Maggie murmurs softly, scared to break the calm that’s settled over them in this moment.

Alex's eyes shift over Maggie like she's trying to find a way to explain, her touch gentle as it continues to map the details of Maggie's face, as if she'll need to remember it for a long time.

But the words she finds just get stuck in her throat, the agent huddling into Maggie’s neck as her body shakes in the detective’s arms.

“Alex?” Maggie questions quietly. “Please baby... I need you to try.” She whispers, her voice muffling a little in Alex’s hair as she kisses the agents head instinctively when she whimpers at the endearment.

“I kn- know.” Alex chokes out. “I just ca- can’t think how t- to tell you.” She cries, her tears staining Maggie’s neck.

“Alex...” Maggie hushes, urging the agents face up to look at her. “I don’t need what you say to be perfect. I just wanna know what’s going on in here.” She assures, stroking Alex's temple lightly with her finger before letting her hands resume their gentle pace running through the agents hair.

Alex wipes at her face roughly, nodding behind her hands before they come to rest against Maggie’s chest, the detective watching as Alex seems to count the heartbeats she feels beneath her fingers.

“I almost lost you.” Alex whispers fearfully, like some part of her thinks saying it too loud will make it happen. “You almost... and it was too close. If Lena hadn’t shown up, if I didn't...” She tries, soft sobs wrenching from her chest even as she forces herself to continue.

“I thought staying away would keep us safe, would keep you safe.” Alex cries out. “Because all I've done is hurt you. And I can’t take it Maggie, I can’t see you hurt like that again.” She reasons, even as she pulls the detective a little closer to herself. “I was so scared of breaking your heart, only to have it stop beating beneath my hands when I found you again.” Alex recalls brokenly. “What if it was too late? What if I was too late?” she cries out.

“You weren’t, I'm okay.” Maggie attempts gently, trying her best not to cry at what she’s hearing.

“It was too close.” Alex repeats dejectedly. “And there’s too many variables that could have ended with me not being there to save you.”

And Maggie understands what Alex is trying to say, knows the agent has a tendency to think things through until every outcome is set in her head. But there’s always going to be times when things happen out of their control, they can’t always know everything.

“You didn’t know.” Maggie tries reasoning quietly.

“I should have.” Alex grates out, her tone angry, more so at herself than anything else. “When it comes to you... I should have known, I should have been there, I-"

“Would you blame me?” Maggie cuts in cautiously, her heart faltering a little beneath Alex’s hands where they rest upon her chest still. “Tell me. If Lillian had taken you, if your family weren't there to help... if I didn't know you needed me...” She offers Alex, turning the events of the past week or so around. “Would you blame me for things outside of my control Alex?”

Alex forces back a sob. “No, but-"

“But nothing.” Maggie insists quietly. “You are an incredible girl Alex. But invincible and all knowing... no one can be that.” She reasons. “You can’t know if I'll die tomorrow in a car crash or next year in a shootout, there is no knowing those things.”

“What are you saying?” Alex cries out softly, her eyes pleading for any of this to make sense.

And Maggie doesn’t know how else to explain, doesn’t know how to assure Alex that she doesn’t blame her for any of it. Yes there's mistakes, yes there's confusion... but there's more love than any of it. So all Maggie can do is hope that Alex trusts her enough to believe what she says.

“This is not all your fault.” Maggie urges, her hands shaking a little against Alex’s jaw at the intensity of her resolve. “You told me that my mistakes do not define who I am. Please don’t let our mistakes define us.” She pleads. “Because I love you, Alex. And if you love me too... then we deserve more than that. We deserve to try.”

“How can you not hate me? How can you say you love me after everything?” Alex chokes out, sobbing into Maggie’s shoulder when the detective simply pulls her in close.

And the mere fact that Maggie is incapable of anything else is the only answer she really needs.

“How can I ever do anything else?” She offers again, her fingers shaking as she strokes them through Alex's hair to try and stay calm.

“We're not perfect. We're never going to be. We'll fight and we'll argue, spend days wondering if what we're doing is the right thing.” Maggie admits. “But I'm not me without you. So as hard and as painful as a life with you could prove to be... I'm never going to want to be anywhere else Alex.”

“Why?” Alex chokes, pulling back a little to look at Maggie, her hands finding the detective’s jaw to hold their eyes level. “You know it might be like this again, and still you want me... why?”

And its not like the way Maggie feels is logical, if it were she wouldn’t know what to say right now. But it’s not like love ever explains why, not like it ever offers anything other than itself as a solution. So there’s only one reason Maggie could ever give.

“You remember what you asked me last night?” She questions gently, Alex clenching her eyes shut and nodding slightly. “Ask me again.” Maggie whispers.

“What if your answer isn't the same?” Alex murmurs fearfully.

Maggie’s breath catches in her throat when she forces a sob back at the way she can hear Alex’s heart breaking in her voice. And it’s like every piece of Maggie is reliant on holding it together, gathering the pieces from the cold floor and holding them close so Alex can understand.

“Ask me again.” Maggie repeats quietly.  
Alex lets out a shaky breath, her gaze finding Maggie’s again as she tries to keep herself together. And it takes her a while, but eventually finds her voice.

“I don’t know how to fix this. But I promise I'll try, with everything I have.” Alex offers into the space between them. “I have no right to love you anymore but...you have all of me, all the love I have, forever. And I'll live without it if you ever choose to go. But until your heart demands what it deserves, until you don’t love me anymore... please stay with me?”

She asks shakily, her eyes holding Maggie’s own, like looking away will be the one thing to push her over the edge.

And Maggie just cries in time with the tears that force themselves onto Alex’s cheeks.

“You know I'll love you until the end of time.” Maggie confesses brokenly. “If I go, I would be leaving everything I am here with you as well. And I'm tired of not being who I am Alex.” She resolves. “I just want our home, I want our family... I want you. I want to sit down and work through this with you. I don't care if it hurts, even if it kills me...as long as you love me, I'll always stay.”

Alex's hands shake against Maggie’s chest, the agent incapable of getting anything else out past the cries that wrench from her throat as she huddles into Maggie, her gasps for air hot on the detective’s neck.

Maggie just holds her close, the tears drying against her cheeks as the sun rises slowly through the blinds. She lets her hands run through Alex's hair, murmuring assurances and whispering I love you's into the room. And it doesn't take long until she can hear Alex murmuring them back a little incoherently, Maggie sighing softly as the agent calms down and wraps her arms over her waist, intent on keeping her close.

And she cant help the way her heart feels a little lighter when Alex pulls back a little, her gaze moving over Maggie’s face before she pulls her into a soft kiss.

There’s still tears drying on their lips, it’s still a little hard to breathe, but Maggie’s heart is beating like it’s conquered the entire world in this very moment. So she just smiles when Alex shuffles back, pulling one of the agents hands up from her waist to kiss her palm, the gesture earning Maggie a smile she’s been dying to see all morning, Alex’s eyes soft with a spark of happiness behind them.

“Where do we go from here?” Alex whispers, her hand resting on Maggie’s cheek with her thumb running over the lines by the detective’s eyes as she thinks.

And crazy as it sounds in Maggie’s head, her heart only wants to be in one place.

“I still want to marry you...” Maggie offers sincerely, her dimples hurting her cheeks as she smiles at the relieved breath Alex let’s out before the agent clasps a hand over her mouth to stop herself from crying again.

“Yeah?” Alex questions shakily from behind her fingers.

“Yeah...” Maggie affirms, brushing some of Alex’s hair back off her face a little as she leaves the word hanging.

“But?” Alex questions cautiously, obviously catching the tone in Maggie’s voice that she isn’t quite done.

Maggie sighs, overwhelmed but forcing herself to think, just a little.

“But, I need some time.” She continues, holding Alex close to herself to stop the agent from getting upset at the words. “Not away from you or from this.” Maggie explains gently, her hand trailing over Alex’s back like a promise. “Just time to... feel.. I don't know.."

“Safe?” Alex questions softly.

Maggie nods fearfully at the suggestion, scared that she’s pushing Alex away when all she wants to do is keep her close.

“I don’t mean it as in I'm afraid of you.“ Maggie tries reasoning, panic etching into her whispers even as Alex leans in and kisses her gently.

“I know what you mean. It’s okay.” Alex assures quietly. “Just tell me where I stand in this and I won’t move until you're ready.”

Maggie chokes back a sob, pulling the agent into her lips again, the tears between their lips finally those of relief and not pain as the kiss turns into a smile and Maggie has to let Alex lie back down again just so they can breathe.

And eventually, with her hand resting on Alex’s jaw, eyes looking back into a hazel gaze as Alex’s eyes battle to stay open against sleep, Maggie finds the outcome she needs for their situation.

“Right beside me is always where you stand.” Maggie resolves. “But for now, until we’re steady again... pool, tonight?” She suggests playfully, offering the same solution Alex did to her all those months ago when she admitted needing the agent in her life.

Alex laughs into the pillow, her hands just pulling Maggie into a hug, her lips finding the detective's cheek with a kiss as she recants the old memory. And something about coming full circle, about looking to the past even as it holds no bearing on their future, makes Maggie feel like they have a chance to start again.

“I can't imagine my life without you. So I wouldn’t miss it.” Alex promises, her voice faint as tiredness creeps into the agents words.

And Maggie knows it’s been a lot of sleepless nights for them both, her own body begging to rest. Especially after just being with Alex and all the emotions that come along with that.

But Maggie feels complacent and happy, her heart already at rest with Alex’s beating alongside it.

“You don’t exactly sound like you're ready for me to return the favour for this.” Maggie chuckles out, her eyes motioning over their bodies as Alex smiles and buries her face in Maggie’s neck.

“Later.” She yawns out quietly, the air hitting Maggie’s neck making the detectives heart shake.

“Go back to sleep Al.” Maggie urges into Alex’s hair, her arms holding the girl she loves securely as the agent takes a wavering breath. “I'll be here when you wake up." She assures.

“Promise?” Alex murmurs, holding onto Maggie a little tighter in response.

Maggie reaches for Alex’s hand, intertwining their fingers and pulling them close to her heart as she repeats herself, content to do so for the rest of her life if needs be.

“I promise, forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol we're not gonna talk about it 😅 *hits post and closes tab*  
> Hope you guys enjoyed this story and a big thank you for reading and coming on the journey with me 😄  
> Might be a little bit before another decent multi chapter comes along but if theres any one shots ya guys want, feel free to let me know and I'll see what I can do😃  
> Big thank you again! And here's to a sanvers filled 2019 😁 xxx


	18. You're my Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay soooo some of ya'll asked for this... here ya go 😅  
> Also yes I've changed this back to an ongoing story because I have some ideas I wanna put on here (not sure when but I do wanna add onto it)  
> But anyways as always let me know if theres anything to fix, read responsibly and everyone have a great weekend/week 😁 x

She's been awake for a few hours now, just lying here with Maggie in her arms, the detectives breathing soft against her neck as Alex runs her fingers through her hair as she sleeps.

And something about it doesn’t feel real, like the warmth of having Maggie here is a dream that Alex is scared she'll wake up from any second. But seconds go by, minutes... and Maggie is still here.

Alex cant help but think of all the mornings that haven’t been like this, the cold sheets and the empty pillow.

She used to think, when her and Maggie first met, that the worst moments had been thinking she wasn't capable of love. But Alex knows now that the worst is having it and letting her go. Its letting Maggie go.

“I can feel you thinking.” Maggie suddenly whispers against her neck, pulling Alex out of her head.

“Sorry.” Alex mumbles, a small smile spreading on her face as she pulls Maggie in a little tighter now that she's awake.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” The detective questions gently, the feeling of her hands running over Alex’s back making the agent sink heavily into the pillows.

Alex didn't realise she was so tense until now.

“I’m okay.” She offers quietly.

Maggie sighs and shuffles back a little, her eyes so beautiful with the sun glowing from the blinds. “That's not what I asked.” She says, moving a hand to brush back some of Alex’s hair before letting it rest on her jaw.

The soft contact somehow feels heavier than just this, Alex leaning into Maggie’s touch as if it gives relief to scars left on her heart.

“I just...” Alex starts, having to take a breath and look down at the pillow at the softness in Maggie's eyes. Because even though she believes it when the detective says she has forgiven her, that Maggie still loves her... Alex still can’t get rid of the part of herself that demands she doesn’t deserve it.

She hopes all it will take is time, that one day she'll feel like she's earned back all that Maggie means to her, that she'll hear the words the girl she loves speaks to her and she'll believe it with her whole heart. After everything it’s the only thing Alex is really holding onto now.

“I would do things so differently.” Alex reasons quietly. “I would fight harder when I realised I was losing you, scream that I love you louder than I argue about the future... I would make you stay.” She chokes out, trying desperately not to cry as Maggie looks back at her with a mix of sadness and love in her eyes. “I would do it all over again forever until I got it right. But I can't.”

“Alex it doesn't matter.” Maggie whispers, her tone letting on she just wants to make Alex feel better.

But this isn't about Alex, not really. And she knows that.

“It does.” She resolves gently, pulling a hand up from Maggie’s waist to rest against the detective's jaw, her thumb reaching to wipe gently at the tears that slip slowly onto Maggie’s face.

“You have to know that I wanted you back before all of this, that if Lillian hadn’t taken you I would have still come for you Maggie. I wanted you back, I... I want you back.” Alex explains shakily. “I wish it could have been easier, that I could turn back the time and never let you go at all. And I know none of this changes anything, but I’m gonna get it back.” She resolves, crying softly when Maggie chokes in a breath harshly and shuffles into her neck, the detectives tears hot against her skin as Alex runs her fingers through her hair.

“I’m going to get us back. I promise.” Alex whispers.

 

3 weeks later

 

“You shouldn't have interfered!” Alex yells angrily, Maggie flinching at the harsh tone directed towards a sheepish looking Kara who stands in the middle of the living room, half hiding in her cardigan.

“I just wanted to help.” Kara offers quietly.

“The NCPD will tell you when to help!” Alex retorts, pacing heavily in front of Maggie as she sinks into the couch.

“Come on Danvers it all worked out fine, let’s just forget about it and have dinner.” Maggie attempts, wanting nothing more than to diffuse the argument unfolding in front of her.

Because it really isn't worth fighting over. The drug bust Kara had burst in on a few hours ago was Maggie’s first assignment back at work anyway, she was grateful for the help.

But Alex is hung up on the fact that Maggie had told Kara that the NCPD could handle their jobs back when they first started dating, the agent seeming hell bent on this route of dealing with it.

“No Maggie. It was your op. It could have gone wrong with Supergirl barging in against the plan.” Alex says sternly.

“I gave a heads up on the comms.” Kara argues pointlessly.

“And did you wait for a go ahead?!” Alex questions, rounding on her sister in a way Maggie is a little startled by.

“Waiting means more time for people to get hurt!” Kara yells back, her stance still faltering against her older sister.

“That isn't your call!” Alex barks out, hands fisting at her sides.

The angry tone in the eldest Danvers voice makes it impossible for Maggie not to feel like this has gone too far, even if she doesn’t really think its her place to get between these two.

“Okay that’s enough.” She says sternly, getting off the couch and putting herself securely between the sisters. “We're all tired and it’s been a long day, let’s deal with this tomorrow.”

Alex glares past Maggie at Kara, her jaw clenched even as the hero’s demeanour calms and she nods meekly at Maggie’s words.

“I’ll text tomorrow before I come over.” Kara mumbles, turning on her heel and making for the door.

“You better.” Alex says under her breath, the slight sound enough for Maggie to glare at her and for Kara to scoff at.

The door shuts with less force than Maggie is expecting as Kara leaves, the slump in the hero’s shoulders evident to Maggie even in her baggy reporter clothes. And something about it hurts too much to leave like that.

“You make us some coffee, I’m gonna go talk to her.” Maggie instructs Alex, raising a challenging eyebrow at the indignant expression the agent wears on her face.

“Fine.” Alex mumbles, shuffling sulkily to the kitchen as Maggie goes for the door.

“Kara!” Maggie calls down the hall to where the hero is waiting for the elevator. “Hold up.”

Kara physically slumps as Maggie gets closer, her arms wrapping around herself protectively as she looks to the floor.

“I’m really sorry Maggie. I know I shouldn’t have interfered.” She mumbles out, something about the tone making Maggie uncomfortable with the guilt Kara apparently has over this.

And it’s easy to see the tired rings beneath the hero’s eyes, all the extra super shifts she’s been pulling the past few weeks taking their toll, even on a kryptonian.

“It's okay. It doesn’t matter.” Maggie assures gently, hoping the hand she puts on the blondes shoulder lets on that she means it.

But Maggie is startled when Kara suddenly rushes into her, her arms wrapping tightly around the detectives waist as she holds her in a vice like hug.

“I just heard you on the comms and I panicked.” Kara rambles out shakily, the sound telling Maggie she's crying before she feels the tears staining her neck. “I couldn't let anything happen and I didn't think, I’m sorry.” She cries out.

“What?” Maggie questions softly, pulling Kara out of her shoulder as the hero adamantly keeps her arms securely around her. “What are you talking about?”

“I co- couldn’t let you g- get hurt again.” Kara chokes out, face dropping to the floor as her shoulders shake with the sobs she cant help but let out.

“Oh Kara...” Maggie sighs, pulling the hero back into a hug.

“I’m sorry, I’m s- so sorry.” Kara chokes out, the grip she has on Maggie a little painful.

“God you Danvers girls and apologizing.” Maggie sighs out, running a hand over Kara’s back to try ease her crying. It doesn't do much.

“Hey, Kara look at me.” The detective urges, pulling the blonde from her neck, hands instinctively going to her face to try and wipe away the tears. “Everyone is okay. I’m here, Alex is here. Our family is okay.”

“It almost wasn't.” Kara chokes out. “I wasn't watching and you almost weren’t. I cant let that happened again.” She sobs.

The admission makes something dawn on Maggie, all the late nights Kara's been having, all the ‘random' times she’s seen Supergirl flying overhead the past few weeks, the few times she's found Kara eating breakfast on their balcony.

Kara has been watching her, any time she might get into trouble the hero has been close at hand.

“Is this why you haven’t been sleeping?” Maggie questions gently, the way Kara just sobs and hunches her shoulders over like she's trying to hide confirming the answer.

The fact that Kara felt the need to do that just pulls at Maggie’s chest, her heart unable to feel as if this isnt her own sister crying in front of her.

“Come here.” Maggie whispers out, forcing the tears she feels threatening to spill back as she holds Kara tightly against her chest. “It's okay.” She mumbles into the blondes hair. “Its okay.”

She's a little lost on what to say, doesn’t know how to assure that she knows with all her heart that they won’t ever have to go through this again. But another voice steps in before she has to find the words.

“Maggie? Kar?” Alex questions gently, leaning cautiously on the doorframe.

And Maggie can tell the moment Alex realises they’re crying, her eyes softening and glistening to match their own as she holds onto the doorframe tightly.

“We're alright.” Maggie assures, Kara pulling back with shy nods as she wipes at her face messily.

“Why don't you go for one more fly around the city and then pick up some ice cream and spend the night here little Danvers?” Maggie urges, tilting Kara's face up by her jaw to get her to look up.

The hero glances over Maggie’s shoulder and by the relieved look on her face and the slight nod she gives, Maggie knows Alex agrees with her.

Kara gives her a soft smile as she sniffs and heads for the stairs, Maggie hoping the flying time will calm her down a little before she comes back.

Because now she knows she has to deal with Alex. And as much as she loves these girls, Maggie has to admit that together they're quite the handful.

“What happened?” Alex asks nervously as Maggie shuffles past her and into the apartment, slumping onto the couch and running a hand through her hair.

“Sit.” She says gently, patting the couch beside her, ignoring the two cups of coffee Alex has put on the coffee table.

Alex wrings her hands together in tension as she sits down, a small but definitive distance between Maggie and herself.

And it’s small things like that, spaces and silences where there shouldn't be over the past several weeks that has brought Maggie to this point.

“Why are you doing that?” She asks, shrugging her shoulders at Alex.

The agent's face fills with worry, her eyes wide at Maggie’s tone.

“Doing what?” she whispers sort of fearfully.

“This.” Maggie says, pointing out the distance between them. “And not touching me unless I ask, or agreeing with anything I say even when I want your opinion... yelling at Kara without knowing why she did that.” She explains.

Alex’s jaw clenches as she looks to the floor, her knuckles white from how tight her fists are.

“Alex?” Maggie presses.

The agent sighs and shrugs slightly.

“I don't want to do anything to risk hurting you.” Alex admits quietly, her gaze set firmly on the coffee table.

“I’m healed.” Maggie reasons back. “You did the last check up yourself I don't und-"

“I don’t mean that.” Alex cuts in gently, adamant on looking anywhere but at Maggie, as if it’s too much to do right now.

But it’s what Maggie wants, what she needs. She won’t let Alex shut her out for whatever reason the agent has in her head.

So she pulls Alex’s hands into her own, tugging until the agent turns to face her, jaw tight and eyes threatening to cry at the slightest push.

“What do you mean?” Maggie asks, squeezing Alex’s fingers gently in an attempt to let her know it’s okay.

“I.. I can’t lose you again.” Alex whispers. “I can't make mistakes and let things you've said you don’t agree with happen, Kara knows not to interfere with your work and I don't know what to do or how to protect you and I’m scared and I don't- "

“Alex, slow down.” Maggie says, shaking her head and running her thumbs over Alex’s cheeks when the tears start spilling over. “Kara... is that why you were so mad at her? Because I’ve told her not to interfere with police stuff?”

The agent just nods, pulling breaths in shakily as her hands come up to hold Maggie’s wrists, keeping the detectives hands on her jaw.

The admission makes sense now, Maggie recalling the high fight they had over this the last time. And with the way Alex is reacting now, the things she's saying... Maggie thinks she understands. Alex is scared that Maggie will get angry at something like this, that she'll leave again. And that makes sense, Maggie knowing exactly how Alex’s mind came up with the theory.

But something is pulling harshly at Maggie's chest.

“You said you don’t know how to protect me.” Maggie recants gently. “From what?”

Alex shifts uncomfortably, pulling Maggie’s hands from her face as she moves to the other end of the couch and buries her head in her hands.

“What is this?” Maggie questions nervously, not making any move to close the distance Alex has put between them. “What's happening?” She asks, unable to stop the way her voice wavers and cracks with the fear that’s taken over in her chest.

“I don't know.” Alex cries out softly, tilting her head to the side to look up at Maggie. “I’m trying so hard to...”

Maggie clenches her hands in the couch cushions at the tears on the face of the girl she loves, her heart desperate to know how to stop it.

“So hard to what?” Maggie urges, hoping now beyond all else that Alex won’t pull away.

She's hoping that they’re finally able to be completely open with each other. Because Maggie can’t be that until she knows for sure Alex is as well, she cant risk her heart that way again.

Alex clenches her eyes shut and hides her face back in her hands again, crying softly as Maggie finds herself fighting back her own tears.

“I can't touch you without knowing what it feels like to have it all slipping away, to have you...” Alex tries, sobbing as she hides in her hands and arms as they fold over her legs.

“Alex listen to me." Maggie cries, shuffling off the couch to kneel on the floor in front of Alex, pulling her face out from her hands. “Its okay, Alex it-"

“No...” Alex murmurs “It's not. And I know, I hear everything you’re saying but I... it’s not.” She forces out, the tears harsh and painful as they run down her cheeks and through Maggie’s fingers where they rest on the agents jaw.

It’s one of the worst feelings Maggie has ever felt, moments like these where she doesn't really know how to help the girl she loves, doesn't know how to explain that she's scared too... but that above anything else she needs this, she needs Alex.

If she thinks about it, Maggie can’t help but feel that she's always needed this, that despite anything, despite everything she's faced, somehow Alex is worth it all. She has been and always will be worth it all. Just one smile, a single laugh or whispered ‘I love you' in the dark makes anything Maggie has ever been scared of, seem like nothing at all.

However she is afraid. And this girl in front of her now seeming so lost is too, both of them desperately trying to make this work. They have to make this work.

“You’re right, it's not okay.” Maggie whispers, wiping gently at Alex’s face at the way she nods slightly and sobs at the agreement.  
But Maggie isn't done. She knows how Alex’s mind works, how she places it upon herself to be responsible for everything. And Maggie won’t let her do it anymore. She's had to change, be comfortable being open and vulnerable and for them to survive this, Maggie knows Alex has to do the same.

“Its not okay.” Maggie repeats gently. “Just like it’s not okay that you lost your dad and I lost my parents. It’s not okay that Kara feels the need to protect everyone all the time, it’s not okay that Winn and Lena have to face their pasts and still deal with the judgment from those who know nothing about it, it’s not okay that Jonn and James are put under a label before anyone even knows them.” Maggie recites, having thought about it all in a fashion for so long now. “It's not okay, the life we choose to live Alex. It’s hard and its dangerous, the odds of it all never in our favour.” She reasons.

“I know.” Alex whispers. “But we’re meant to be. This,” she forces out, motioning between them. “It's meant to be above it all.”

“I didn't realise we weren’t.” Maggie mumbles out in response, wiping at the tears on her cheeks as she sits back against the coffee table, knees up to hold her arms as sobs break free of her chest at what Alex is saying, with the admissions Maggie has to admit she's been scared to hear.

“No. No, no hey.” Alex rushes out, clumsily shifting off the couch to kneel between Maggie’s knees. “No Maggie look at me, I didn't mean it like that, I swear.” She cries out, pulling Maggie's forehead to her own. “I didn't mean it like that.”

Maggie just shakes her head softly, hands pulling at Alex’s shirt to keep her close as the detective forces herself to try and breathe.

“I love you.” Alex mumbles, pulling back slightly to wipe at Maggie's face. “I do. It’s just I...”

The silence that echoes between their tears is almost as loud as the beating of Maggie’s hart in her chest, the moment tense and inevitable. So she lifts a hand to Alex's, raising the agents palm to her lips to try calm the trembling there, to urge Alex to continue.

“I know you hide things from me, protect me from the way you feel because you love me.” Alex whispers fearfully, fingers twisting in Maggie’s hand until they interlace and she pulls them to her chest, the beating of her heart heavy to Maggie’s touch. “And I know you love me Maggie. I don’t know why, but I know. But that doesn't make it okay for you to protect me from yourself."

“I don’t unders-"

“Beneath it all, beneath me... you have to feel something about all of this. I know you do.” Alex cuts her off gently. “Because I love you with everything I am Maggie... but I’m still scared. I'm scared that the things I’ve done and everything we've been through are just pushed aside. And I need you to be honest with me and with yourself about how you feel.” She pleads desperately. “Because I cant get your trust back if I cant reach you.” She reasons, her voice quiet and scared in a way Maggie has rarely heard.

The words that Alex is saying though, the desperation for Maggie to actually face this is the hardest thing for Maggie right now.

Because she doesn't want to go that far, she wants it to just be her love for Alex and nothing else. Why cant it just be nothing else?

“I don’t want to go there.” Maggie murmurs, Alex letting Maggie's hand go from above her heart and sitting back from the detective, her shoulders resting on the couch as they sit here on the living room floor across from each other.

“I know.” Alex offers, her hands wrapping around her legs as she pulls them into her chest. “But you have to.”

“Why?” Maggie reasons insistently. “I love you, I forgive you, that should be the end of it.”

Alex swallows heavily, Maggie watching the motion and the way Alex shoulders hunch forward.

“I know that.” Alex concedes. “But just because you forgive me doesn't mean you don't feel anything else. This isn’t going to work any other way.”

Maggie shakes her head, tears staining her face and neck despite her internal demand that they stay put.

“What do you want from me?” She questions shakily, the sound of her own voice cracking making Maggie flinch a little. Especially at the concern that floods Alex’s eyes at the sound. “Do you want me to be angry? To yell and to cry, throw stuff across the room?”

“If that’s what you want.” Alex responds quietly.

“It isn't.” Maggie insists staunchly, wiping her face in irritation.

She isnt angry. She's gone through it all, believes everything she’s told this girl in front of her. And now that things have calmed down and gone relatively back to normal, the only thing Maggie is capable of focusing on is the fact that she's here. That she gets to hold the love of her life close, gets to see her smile and laugh, she gets Alex after all of this.

“But there's something.” Alex urges gently, her boot shuffling a bit across the floor to touch Maggie’s, the contact barely anything but still enough to wrench at Maggie's heart in a way that demands the detective admit that Alex is right.

Because it’s not that Maggie is angry, not that she holds any blame. But like most things in her life, it comes down to Alex. It comes down to them.

And that’s really what this is all about, the reason Maggie is afraid to feel anything else but love for this girl, despite everything.

“Maggie?” Alex questions softly, the look on her face letting on that she knows Maggie is thinking about it. “It's okay. I'm not going anywhere.” She assures.

Maggie pulls in a shaky breath at the assurance, running a hand through her hair to try calm herself.

“I’m scared too.” She admits, her eyes turning to the floor beneath her instead of the look in Alex’s tear filled eyes. “Scared that these mistakes are gonna follow me... that our mistakes are going to follow us. That one day you'll wake up and despite it all have a moment of regret when it’s me beside you.”

Alex nods, breathing deeply as she wipes at her cheek with the back of her hand as she forces the tears to stop, the effort visible in her clenched jaw.

She takes a moment, hair hanging low over her face as she looks to her hands as they twist in her lap, Maggie nervous to break the heavy silence.

“What do I say?” Alex asks quietly. “What do I do, to show you that my heart will always be honest with yours? I never want to hurt you again.” She resolves.

“Just because you don't want something doesn't mean it won’t happen again Alex.” Maggie reasons cautiously. “Feelings now don't hold any control over feelings tomorrow.”

Alex shakes her head slightly.

“This is beyond feelings.” She murmurs. “This.. you and me... I don't know how to explain that it feels like more than just caring about you, or loving you.” Alex attempts, shuffling forward a little and sitting on her knees in front of Maggie. “It's... you’re my forever Mags. As short or as long as that is, you’re it. And my head may not know everything, but my heart knows that, more than anything.” She insists gently, hands finding Maggie’s jaw to keep her gaze focused. “My heart knows you. And every piece is yours, it always has been and always will, belong to you.”

“Alex...” Maggie tries, the words choking off with her crying.

The agent just shakes her head softly again, pulling Maggie up slightly until her lips brush gently against the detectives own. But Alex pulls back a little and rests her forehead against Maggie's, the tension in her hands against the detective's jaw evident of the way she restrains herself from going any further.

“Say you believe me.” Alex breathes out shakily. “Or tell me you need more time. But don't say we aren't meant to be right here with each other, that we can never be anything more than the mistakes of our past... it's the only thing I can't accept Maggie.” She resolves. “Anything you want, this city, my job, none of it matters more than this.”

Maggie practically feels her heart seize beneath the palm Alex places over it, the agents fingers shaking with the tension of the moment.

“Please Maggie.” Alex cries brokenly. “You're everything. I kn..” she chokes, Maggie raising her hands to the agents jaw to hold her steady as she breathes and tries to continue. “I know I still don’t deserve this... but I can't lose you again. Please don’t take yourself away from me, please.”

Its as if the words themselves etch themselves above the scars on Maggie’s heart, the look in Alex’s eyes as she pleads for her to stay... Maggie suddenly doesn't feel so scared. Because if it really comes down to anything versus Alex, well Maggie could never let anything else be more important.

So she let’s her thumbs brush gently over Alex’s cheeks, the tears warm and only really getting worse at her gesture, but Maggie doesn't care. She pulls at the agents jaw gently until her lips find Alex's, both of them sighing in relief as Alex let’s herself lean into Maggie, her hands threading into the detectives hair to stay grounded and keep her close.

“I'm never going anywhere without you.” Maggie murmurs into the small space between them.

Alex just sobs at the assurance, huddling into Maggie awkwardly as she holds onto the detective tightly. But the way Alex's breathing echoes against her neck like a soft kiss just makes Maggie smile slightly and sniff back her tears as she let’s her lips find Alex’s head comfortingly.

They stay there for a while, one of Maggie’s hands running over Alex’s back, another through her hair as the agent draws aimless patterns on the small of Maggie’s back as she holds her close.

“We should move.” Alex suddenly mumbles into Maggie’s shoulder.

“Sorry, what was that?” Maggie asks, letting Alex move back a little to look at her.

“Move? We should. Anywhere in the city you want.” Alex repeats gently. “This place has memories I don't want to live in... that I don't want you to live in. And we can g-"

Maggie can't help but rush forward and kiss Alex with the excitement, relief and love that floods her chest, the agent collapsing back into the couch with a thud even though her arms loop around Maggie instinctively.

The detective smiles against Alex's lips when it takes a moment for her too catch up and to return the kiss eagerly, her hands finding Maggie’s waist and pulling her body close.

“Is that a yes?” Alex questions against her lips, her voice low and rough in a way that makes Maggie stomach flip.

“Yeah.” She nods back, fingers bunching into Alex's shirt and pulling her back into the kiss, her body more adamant now to be as close a possible to the agent. It urges Maggie to shuffle up and into Alex's lap so her thighs rest above the agent's own, her hips rolling a little against the agent's stomach and pulling a soft moan from the girl beneath her.

Maggie’s hands are just tugging at Alex’s shirt when a knock sounds at the door and sends them jumping apart.

“Its me.” Kara calls from outside.

Alex glances at Maggie, the way they both try calm their breathing at the knowledge that Kara can hear them just making the pair laugh as Alex stands and offers a hand to help Maggie up as well.

“It's open.” Alex calls back to her sister gently.

Maggie slumps onto the couch as Alex heads for Kara, the reporter not making it three feet inside before she's wrapped in a hug, a mumbled ‘sorry' from Alex echoing in the apartment.

“We okay?” Kara asks cautiously, looking between Alex and Maggie nervously as a couple bags of takeout swing slightly by her side.

Maggie leans over the back of the couch, chin resting on her folded arms as she looks over the two women.

“We're always okay little Danvers.” She assures with a soft smile. “Come over here you two.” Maggie says happily, twisting back around and patting the couch either side of her. “I want food, a good movie and cuddles.”

Alex rolls her eyes as she shuffles Kara forward towards the couch.

“Why are you always in the middle?” She grumbles playfully.

Kara scoffs and pulls the containers from the plastic bags and begins lining them up on the table.

“Because I’m the smallest and need more warmth.” Maggie reasons coyly, tugging Alex down onto the couch and pulling the agents arm over her shoulders adamantly.

Kara smiles at them as she settles down beside Maggie with a container, fork already shoved in her mouth as she flicks through the channels.

“Hey.” Maggie whispers, reaching up to push a strand of Alex’s hair back as the agent looks down at her.

“Yeah?” She mumbles back, smiling softly as she leans her forehead down against Maggie’s.

“I love you.” Maggie whispers, closing the small distance between them and kissing Alex gently, much to Kara’s amusement.

“I love you guys” The hero gushes out, abandoning her food on the coffee table and clambering on top of them, arms wrapping tightly around them both.

“Ow Kara!” Maggie grumbles, laughing at the apologetic mumbling the blonde lets out as her grip loosens slightly. “What am I gonna do with this family.” She sighs.

But she knows exactly what she's gonna do. What this family does best... She’s going to love them with everything she's got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... show of hands who wants a proposal on this in the future.. asking for a friend 😅  
> Also..Vanemontesdeoca that jealous Alex one shot is on the way too, haven't forgotten 👍😄


	19. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another add on 😄  
> Hope you like it and as always let me know if anything needs fixing 😊

“So what do you think?” Alex asks, a soft smile on her face as she pulls Maggie’s hand into her own and twirls them around the bare apartment.

They’d been looking for a few weeks now, trying to find the right place. But nothing has really stuck like this one has.

Other places had too much of a modern finish to appeal to Maggie, the rest being too old fashioned for Alex’s taste.

But this one... somehow it balances both.

Between the dark floors and the expansive lighting, as well as the extra space and city view that leaves Maggie capable of seeing both the DEO and the precinct, well Maggie cant deny that she's practically in love with the place.

“What do you think?” Maggie questions back to Alex, intent to know how she feels before letting on how much she adores this place.

Alex sighs and pulls Maggie close, urging the detectives arms to rest securely around her waist so she can sway them gently in place.

The detective smiles at the gesture, hands running over Alex’s back through her grey sweater as the agent's fingers fiddle with the collar of her leather jacket.

“I think...” Alex starts, looking up to try find the words before finding Maggie’s eyes again. “I like the way you look here. The way your eyes light up at the view outside, the way you smile running your fingers over the bench top... I like the way you move here.” She reasons quietly, dropping her forehead to Maggie’s with a gentle smile. “You feel free and happy. And I think it’s the most beautiful place in the world if it can do that.”

Maggie plants her feet as her hands bunch at the waist of Alex’s sweater, the agent pulling back slightly at the realisation she cant sway them back and forth anymore.

“What?” Alex questions quietly, reaching out to push a strand of Maggie’s hair behind her ear, the detective's heart pressing tightly against her chest at the concern in her girlfriends voice.

“Nothing.” Maggie laughs out under her breath, overcome by the love flooding her senses. “I just... you say these things sometimes that make me forget that there's anything besides us in the world.”

Alex’s smile returns, a blush creeping up her neck and cheeks as she bumps her leg against Maggie’s to get her to sway in place again. The agents hands reach up, fingers tracing Maggie's jaw before threading into her hair and pulling the detective up into a kiss.

Maggie sighs at the familiar softness, stepping in closer to Alex and smiling against her lips.

“Say you want this place and it’s all yours.” Alex murmurs happily, pulling back and kissing Maggie’s nose and her cheeks before leaning her forehead against the detectives as she waits for an answer.

It feels easy. Being with Alex these past few months has felt easier than Maggie could ever have thought. Of course there's been moments they’ve had to work through, nights they’ve slept on opposite ends of their bed.

But every time, Alex had reached out, offered a solution or warm fingers holding Maggie’s in the middle of the cold sheets between them. They’d gotten through.

So right now, here in this place that offers them a completely new start... Maggie wants to do it right.

She steps back from Alex a little, taking her girlfriends hands in her own and pulling them to her chest, looking up into the hazel eyes she's more than confident will always hold that small spark when Alex looks back at her.

“If I say yes,” Maggie whispers. “If you want it too... then it'll be all ours.” She clarifies insistently. “Together, this will be our home. Okay?”

Alex half chokes out a laugh, her eyes softening impossibly as she shakes her head softly, tears threatening at the edges of her eyelashes.

“Is that a yes Sawyer?” Alex laughs out gently. “Because yes I want this place... I want the way it feels new and beautiful. I want to watch you move stuff around until the living room is just right, see you struggle to reach the top cabinet and refuse to use the step.”

Maggie rolls her eyes with a chuckle, knocking Alex’s arm playfully before settling back against her chest and looking up into her girlfriends eyes. They’re so soft and yet so determined as Alex continues.

“I want you and me, here. I want to kiss you in every room and dance between the couches until we're too tired and hold you close in our bedroom, which here actually has a door.” Alex smiles out, breaking the tension with a soft kiss to Maggie’s forehead as the detective laughs gently. “I want my home to have a place. And you are my home Mags, so all I want is a space we can have together that makes you happy.” She reasons sincerely, her eyes a little nervous.

Maggie chokes on the words she tries to get out, laughing under her breath to try and calm the heaviness in her heart. It’s a good weight though, amazing even. The kind that leaves her breathless in the best way possible, the kind that begs to grow and become stronger with every passing moment. And it does, with Alex it always does.

“You make me happy.” Maggie gets out past the tears threatening to fall in response to the emotion of the moment. “This, here, me and you. I want it too.” She smiles out, resting her arms up over Alex’s shoulders and pulling her down to press her lips to her girlfriends gently.

Alex sighs happily into the kiss, bending down a little and grabbing Maggie's thighs. She lifts her up until Maggie gets the hint and locks her legs around Alex’s waist with a laugh, tipping her head back as Alex spins them around in the empty room.

Slowly their spinning comes to a stop, Alex resting her hands comfortably on Maggie's hips as she sways gently in place.

“You’re so beautiful when you laugh.” Alex murmurs quietly, leaning forward and kissing Maggie’s collarbone, leaning her forehead against the soft beating of Maggie’s heart she finds there. “I mean you are all the time, but its different.” She reasons, the words as soft as the breath Maggie feels against her skin as she let’s her hands run through her girlfriends hair.

“Come here.” Maggie breathes out, pulling at Alex’s jaw until she looks up at her.

Her smile is soft, her lips even more so as Maggie let’s her fingers trace over them. She drops her forehead down, savouring the closeness of having hers and Alex’s breath mixing in the small space between them.

“I love you Alex.” Maggie whispers. “You are the most beautiful person in the entire universe.” She offers with a gentle laugh. “And I can't wait to share this all with you.”  
Alex hums up at her, tilting her jaw up to kiss Maggie’s cheek.

“Why wait? We can sign the papers right now. We can get a truck form work, Winn and Kara can help us and it'll be done in a couple hours.” She reasons, the excitement in her voice making Maggie's heart flutter. “I'm sure even Jonn would insist on moving a couch or two.” Alex jokes, kissing Maggie’s cheek once more before pulling away. “So what do you say Mags? Me and you?”

Maggie sighs down at the agent, shaking her head with the spur of the moment request from her girlfriend. God she wants to stay yes. It’s all Maggie wants to do. And there would have been a time she would have felt the need to argue, see facts and logic and all the sense in what they are trying to do.

But the only fact Maggie can see is them. Her and Alex. There’s no doubt or fear begging her to listen, no small voice asking her to step away. It's just Alex looking up at her, waiting with a patient smile as Maggie tries to find the words.

And she feels it in every cell of her body, with every breath and every beat of her heart... All she feels is this.

“Yes.” Maggie smiles out, pulling Alex into her lips and kissing her happily, her lips traveling from Alex’s, over her nose her cheeks, the small scar on her eyebrow from a mission last week.

“Yeah?” Alex laughs out, arms pulling Maggie in closer to her.

“Yeah.” Maggie affirms happily. “Let’s call everyone and have dinner here, tonight.”

“In our home.” Alex whispers excitedly, spinning Maggie around again before letting the detectives feet find the floor, her hands shifting from Maggie's thighs and up her sides until they reach her jaw, pulling her in close.

Maggie leans into the soft contact against her face, feeling completely at peace in this very moment with her forehead against Alex’s, their lips brushing every now and then and bringing a smile to their faces.

“Our home.” Maggie whispers back, knowing she speaks more to Alex’s heart than the place around them.

Because no matter where they are, Maggie knows that’s where she will always belong. It’s where she will always be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit more on the moving in on the next one (whenever I get to it 😶😅)  
> In the meantime let me know what ya think 😁


	20. My Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was meant to go up last weekend..but with everything happening here in nz it didn't feel appropriate..so apologies on that but in consolation..its like 13k? I dont have much to say on it soooo yeah... enjoy?😅  
> Oh and I didn't proof read so my bad for any mistakes, shout out if theres any that ruin it👍

“Thank you.” Maggie smiles out as she pulls Lena into a hug.

“Oh please, Winn set up your security, Jonn let us use the transport truck and Kara did most of the heavily lifting.” The CEO offers warmly. “I simply provided the food needed to keep that alien box mover going" she chuckles out.

“Hey!” Kara shoots over her shoulder playfully, balancing the couch near the large balcony doors as Alex positions the rug beneath it perfectly.

“Love you.” Lena reasons back with a cheeky smile that Maggie has to admit is a rare but welcome sight.

She was surprised at first at how her and the CEO have gotten so close lately. But the more time that’s gone on, the more Maggie can see herself in the young woman. All the determination and the past that drives it, all the love she's been scared to share outside of the safety of this family. So Maggie is actually grateful to have Lena as a friend, someone to turn to outside of the Danvers sisters, even if it is just for advice. They are both in the same boat with those girls after all.

“I don't just mean the moving.” Maggie reasons quietly. “I know whose name is on the paperwork for this building and why a spare apartment just happened to turn up.” She urges. “So thank you.”

Lena bites her cheek for a moment, eventually reaching out and squeezing Maggie’s hand gently.

“I think one thing we both know is that being a part of this family means going all in.” Lena resolves, her voice certain. “And hard as it may be, you and I will get to the place where we believe that’s what we are; all in.” She explains. “Until then, I’d say an apartment for two of my most favourite people in the world is hardly anything at all.”

Maggie smiles and pulls the CEO into a tight hug, laughing a little at the moment it takes Lena to catch on and her arms eventually rest gently around Maggie.

“I got it!” Alex declares happily, shuffling out from beneath the couch and helping Kara guide it down into just the right spot. “Thanks Kar.”

“Yeah yeah, just remember you owe me potstickers.” The hero grumbles out playfully, nudging her shoulder against Alex's.

“Are you guys sure you can handle the rest of the unpacking?” Lena questions as she lets Maggie out of their embrace, Kara shuffling over to the CEO and draping an arm over her shoulders.

“I think we'll be just fine.” Alex offers with an easy smile, her hand reaching for Maggie’s and squeezing it excitedly.

Maggie catches Kara watching the gesture, the hero biting her lip and smiling to herself as she instinctively pulls Lena closer. It makes Maggie chuckle as she squeezes Alex’s hand back.

“Okay well then we'll see you tonight, about seven?” Lena asks.

Maggie nods. “Yeah sounds good, assuming this one doesn't set the kitchen on fire before then.” She jokes, nudging Alex’s shoulder with her own as the agent scoffs but doesn’t argue the point.

“Please don’t.” Kara laughs out. “I’d like to make it through a lunch date without having to put out a fire.”

Alex furrows her eyebrows at that, giving Maggie a look.

“What do you mean ‘date'” she questions with a mischievous smile that Maggie finds herself wanting to touch.

“uhh.. well it’s like.. and then..” Kara starts, Lena just shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders at Maggie.

“Who asked first?” Maggie cuts in curiously.

Lena and Kara share a look, the bright smile back on the CEOs face.

“Um.. I did. Yeah me, I asked.. Lena..on a date.” Kara rambles out shyly.

Her eyes snap up to Alex when the agent groans and turns her back to pace in defeat as Maggie just laughs at the confirmation.

“You owe me fifty Danvers.” Maggie laughs out to her girlfriend, Alex waving dismissively as she falls onto the couch to sulk.

“Maggie you didn't.” Lena accuses playfully.

“To be fair we bet on everything.” Maggie offers with a smile. 

“That is...you know what I’m not even gonna go there, come on Lee.” Kara says with a playful scoff, shooting Alex a glare as she guides the giggling CEO out of the apartment.

Maggie laughs and shuts the door gently, leaning back against it lightly to look across at Alex on the couch, watching over the sight happily as she kicks off her boots.

She really loves this place, the open plan layout leading to the hall with the bedrooms and bathroom, she loves the view of the afternoon sun setting across the skyscrapers behind Alex almost as much as the girl herself.

“I can't believe I lost that.” Alex grumbles, shuffling around on the couch so she can hang her legs over the side and smother a pillow onto her face.

Maggie chuckles and shakes her head as she shuffles over, pulling the pillow from her girlfriends face as she crouches down beside the couch to be level with her.

“I did say Kara wouldn't be able to help herself much longer with Lena knowing the truth." Maggie recants gently, her fingers trailing through Alex’s hair to put it back in place after the pillow left it ruffled.

“Yeah you did.” Alex concedes. “But I still think Lena would have been manipulating and sending signs so I think you only get twenty five.” She jokes, shoving Maggie’s shoulder gently.

“What?” Maggie laughs out. “No way! I won fair and square.” She resolves.

“Nope. Agree to disagree Sawyer.” Alex retorts, sticking her tongue out at Maggie like a child.

Maggie shakes her head, biting her lip before standing up and jumping onto Alex, tickling her sides playfully as the agent squirms and tries to catch her hands.

“Admit that I won!” Maggie laughs, watching happily as Alex tries her best to breathe past her laughing.

“Never!” Alex gets out, smiling as she tries to reach up and tickle Maggie back, the detective leaning over to use her knees to hold Alex’s arms down.

Alex groans at being unable to beat Maggie, scrunching her face up adorably as she opens her hands in a surrender motion.

With one last gentle jab to Alex’s waist, Maggie smirks and stills her hands against the agents sides, running her fingers over the soft grey sweater that seems more like Alex than a uniform ever could be. For some reason the thought has Maggie smiling down at her girlfriend as they both laugh quietly, catching their breath. 

Maggie smiles at the way Alex draws patterns on the back of her thighs where she has her hands pinned down, shuffling a bit so the agent can get her arms free as Maggie settles across her hips comfortably.

“Hi.” Alex murmurs up at her, fingers playing with Maggie's jacket where it hangs open between them. 

“Hey.” Maggie whispers back, finding herself leaning down further until her nose is touching Alex's, making them both smile. 

“Do you like it? With everything here?” Alex questions quietly.

Maggie nods and lets her hands find Alex’s neck gently, pulling her up until they're sitting upright, Alex’s arms wrapped around Maggie’s waist to keep her close as the detective sits in her lap.

“I love it.” Maggie whispers with a smile, teasing Alex gently by letting her lips brush against the agents slightly as she speaks. “I love you.” 

Alex’s breath catches sharply and she pulls back a bit, Maggie missing the closeness instantly as she watches the emotions flash across Alex’s face as she stammers a little on what to say.

“You okay Al?” Maggie questions, the concern in her voice still heard in the soft words.

Alex nods and Maggie notices the way her girlfriends hands hold onto her hips gently even as Alex seems to think. So Maggie leans back a little, her hands resting above Alex's collarbones to feel her heart beating steadily, the rhythm stuttering beneath her fingers when Alex looks up at her.

“You're scared.” Maggie notes quietly, noticing all the signs in the girl she loves. “Why do you still get scared when I say that to you?” 

Alex looks down to Maggie’s hands, clenching her eyes shut like she's trying to keep control of something. 

“Don’t, please.” Maggie pleads. “Just look at me. It's me Alex.” She reasons a little hopelessly.

“I'm not scared.” Alex breathes out shakily. “I’m... I'm so happy.” She admits quietly with a soft shrug. She bites her cheek to try stop the tears Maggie can see in her eyes, trying her best not to look away from Maggie despite how difficult its proving to be for her.

“Talk to me.” Maggie whispers, content with the way Alex’s hands still keep her close as she nods softly at the request.

“I keep thinking I'm gonna wake up and it won’t be real, that this illusion I’ve got in my head is never gonna fade back into reality. But you’re here. It’s real.” Alex tries to explain, her eyes weary and voice unsure. “Every day I wake up and you’re here. And you smile and you hold my hand and you make me feel alive in a way I never thought possible and it's...”

Maggie bites her lip to keep herself from ranting out all the words in her head. She can tell Alex isn’t done, that she needs a bit of time to explain. And strangely enough Maggie finds that she doesn’t mind waiting so long as Alex’s heart beating beneath her touch is there as an assurance as it is now.

“I want you to know that I'm still trying.” Alex whispers after a moment. “I'm always going to be trying to be better and earn everything you’re giving me right now. Always.” She resolves gently.

Maggie chokes back the crying she can feel building in her chest, letting her hands drift onto Alex’s back and pull her into a hug, the agents shoulders shaking a little as she cries into Maggie’s neck.

“You don't have to try so hard Alex.” Maggie reasons quietly, sighing into Alex’s hair when she feels her girlfriend shake her head. 

She tries to calm the agent down, drawing patterns aimlessly over her back and through her hair, not once minding the way Alex’s arms tighten around her every few seconds. And once the shaking has stopped and Maggie can feel Alex’s breath landing steadily on her neck, she pulls back slightly, fingers wiping at the tears on Alex’s face.

“I won't go a lifetime with you spending your time trying to prove anything more to me.” Maggie murmurs gently. “I'm not measuring you against anything or anyone, there’s no goal to reach.”

“I don’t understand.” Alex muffles out, dropping her forehead to Maggie’s collarbones to stay steady as she controls her breathing to let the detective talk.

If Maggie is being honest, she doesn’t really understand either. Because none of the logic really makes sense here. Maggie’s heart refuses to believe anything is logical if it doesn't end with Alex.

“You’ve spent your life trying to be something. The best at your job, at protecting Kara, at everything.” Maggie reasons. “But I don't need you to try to be anything Alex.”

“But everything you’ve had to go through, I still have to find a way t-" 

“I don't want that.” Maggie cuts in gently, pulling Alex’s face up slowly by her jaw to look into her eyes.

Maggie has always seen the truth there in that bright shade of gold, always known whatever Alex’s heart has to say even as her head speaks the opposite. And she can see it all now, the love and the fear, the devotion and the determination. It’s all there in Alex’s eyes.

“I trust you when you say me you love me.” Maggie offers gently. “So I don't want you to try be anything other than the girl I love too. Okay?” 

Alex clenches her eyes shut, nodding quietly as her hands hesitantly drift from Maggie’s back to her waist, the touch cautious just as it’s been since they’ve been back together.

“Hey, look at me.” Maggie murmurs, pulling Alex up a bit by her jaw. “I love you. Always, no matter what. And I want you to stop this.” 

Alex breathes out heavily, bringing her hands to Maggie's wrists to keep her hands against her face.

“Stop what?” Alex questions worriedly, pulling away slightly to focus on Maggie intently.

Maggie sighs and links her fingers with Alex’s, pulling the agents touch down to her waist. And she can tell when Alex hesitates, the brief moment her hands hover above

Maggie's body before relenting to the detectives instruction and holding lightly to her jacket.

“I'm with you. I want you, Alex.” Maggie reasons gently. “I want you to touch me and be with me.”

“I’m here.” Alex offers in confusion, trying to understand what Maggie is trying to say.

“No. You're in here.” The detective explains, bringing a finger up to Alex’s head gently. 

Alex’s eyes follow the motion slowly, the look of vulnerability in them as she looks back making Maggie’s heart ache as she lets her hands rest on Alex’s neck, relieved when the agents hands remain on her waist softly.

“I don’t want to be” Alex whispers fearfully. “It's just... I don’t wanna mess this up again Maggie.” She murmurs.

“So we don't mess it up.” Maggie offers gently. “But that doesn't mean we have to be perfect. You don't  have to be perfect. Just you.” She resolves.

Alex pulls in a shaky breath, the tension in her body loosening beneath Maggie in way that feels like floating on a cloud.

“I love you too.” Alex promises gently after a moment, returning Maggie’s earlier admission with a soft smile as the detective leans in and rests her forehead back against her girlfriends.

“I know.” Maggie assures sincerely, smiling at the quiet laugh Alex lets out under her breath as she closes her eyes happily.

The moment seems impossibly quiet, Maggie not really minding it with the way Alex breathes gently against her lips, the way her hands steady and hold firmly at the waist of her jacket to pull her in a little more.

It’s the most insistence Alex has had since they've come back together, recent times like this being mostly down to Maggie offering assurances or plain asking. 

But right now, the way Alex’s jaw tilts up to urge her lips to brush over Maggie’s isnt really asking as much as it is saying what she wants.

“We should try out our new door.” Maggie mumbles playfully, chasing Alex’s lips a little when she pulls back with a smile.

The agent hums and lets her hands drift to Maggie's thighs, pulling her in close so she can shuffle off the couch and hold the detective up against her hips.

Maggie smiles as Alex looks over her shoulder to see where she's going, not quite familiar with the layout of their new place just yet. The point is proven when Maggie drops her face to Alex’s neck and kisses gently at the pulse she finds beneath the soft skin, the agent losing her way a little in the short hallway and walking Maggie back into a wall a little roughly.

“Careful Danvers.” Maggie grumbles playfully, dragging her lips from Alex's neck to her ear as the agent places a hand against the wall to help steady herself.

“Sorry.” She laughs out gently. “You're distracting.”

Maggie smirks and leans back, Alex pushing in closer to keep her against the wall instead of falling.

“That way.” Maggie offers coyly as she nudges her head to the side towards their bedroom, biting her lip at the way Alex’s eyes darken at the tone.

The agent lifts her off the wall easily, following the way Maggie pointed out slowly as she smiles softly up at the detective.

“Can you get that?” Alex questions, pressing Maggie back up against the door gently with a smug look.

Maggie scoffs under the laugh she lets out, reaching behind her back a little awkwardly to get to the door handle. It proves to be more of a task than Maggie realized as her hand finds nothing that makes the door against her back give way.

“Any time now would be great Mags.” Alex jokes, leaning into the detective’s neck and urging her jaw up to kiss just below it.

Maggie huffs at the way her heart races in her chest, her concentration slipping as her hand finally fumbles onto the handle to get the door open.

“Not helping.” She forces out, trying not to give in to the sensation of Alex’s laugh as it lands against her skin gently.

The agent urges the door open and carries Maggie past the threshold, turning back and pushing the detective back against it once more until it clicks shut.

Maggie leans her head back against the wood as Alex hums happily at the extra space she has to kiss along her neck and collarbones. 

And its not so much the soft sensation of Alex’s lips brushing over her racing pulse or the way her breath catches every time Alex nips at her jaw that has Maggie pulling at her girlfriends hair gently to get her to stop. It’s the easy smile that Maggie can feel every time, one she’s grateful to see only gets softer when Alex does as she’s asked and moves back slightly with the pull of Maggie’s fingers in her hair. 

Her eyes roam Maggie’s face slowly, lingering on her lips like they could replace oxygen before flitting up to Maggie’s eyes gently.

The look on Alex’s face let’s on she knows what Maggie is about to ask, the agent simply sighing steadily as she let’s Maggie’s thighs slip down past her hips until her feet find the floor once more.

“Al-"

“I want you.” Alex cuts in gently. “I want...” 

Maggie bites her lip as Alex clenches her jaw and moves her hands to hold tightly to the lapels of Maggie’s jacket, like she’s scared her fingers would hold too strongly to Maggie’s body instead right now.

“Okay.” Maggie breathes out, reaching up to grab Alex’s hands and loosen their grip. “It's okay.” She whispers with a gentle smile, bringing the palms of Alex’s hands to her lips softly to kiss the slight tremble they hold, trying desperately to keep Alex calm.

It seems to work as Alex leans her face down, trailing her nose down Maggie’s gently until her forehead rests against the detectives own.

Her jaw tilts forward slightly, breath catching as she stops herself, waiting for Maggie to close the small space and meet her halfway.

The gesture makes Maggie smile as she reaches for Alex’s neck, running her fingers over the soft skin slowly. She draws slow patterns until letting her touch drift up to Alex’s jaw and pull her in a little more to see the reaction.

Her heart practically skips a beat when Alex breathes out shakily, her lips pressing forward and stopping again just as they brush over Maggie’s temptingly.

Alex’s hands find Maggie's hips gently, fingers playing with the hem of her shirt before drifting up along the zip of her jacket and urging it open slightly in a silent request.

It makes Maggie’s breath catch slightly how Alex hasn’t even kissed her yet and nonetheless her entire body is alight with just feeling of her girlfriends breath landing against her lips, the soft feeling of it urging Maggie to nudge closer and try steady her breathing. 

She lets her hands fall from Alex’s face to help the agent pull her jacket from her body, biting her lip when Alex looks down at her gently and leans in, tilting her head at the last moment to kiss her cheek.

Her hands bunch into Maggie's grey shirt and pull her forward as Alex walks backwards slowly to the edge of their bed, the late afternoon sun streaming from the windows casting a glow on the usually white sheets Alex ends up sitting on as she looks up at Maggie.

And there's a softness, a sort of happiness and truth in Alex's eyes that says more than she's really said over the last months, her desire not hidden behind averted glances and shy ramblings. Maggie feels her body lighten as she realizes it's finally just Alex looking back at her in the same way her heart remembers from all that time ago. There's nothing hiding the love in Alex’s eyes as she reaches for Maggie’s waist and holds her gently with a content smile on her face.

“I'm with you.” Alex whispers softly, the gentle assurance making Maggie's heart clench like a vice.

She tries to find words but her hands are reaching for Alex’s jaw before any thought is really made, Maggie urging Alex to shuffle up the bed slightly as she finally let’s her lips find the smile on Alex's face, the agent sighing happily into the slow kiss. The sensation is softer than Maggie thought it could be and yet so undeniably Alex that it leaves her breathless by the time the agent let’s her hands shift from the sheets to Maggie’s waist, pulling her down as her body sinks into the mattress.

Maggie tries her best to stifle a moan that catches in her throat as her body connects with Alex's, every cell inside of her content that it’s perfect and yet demanding more. 

She can feel Alex smirk against her lips, the agent shifting a leg between Maggie’s own as she teases her bottom lip gently between her teeth. 

The sharp sensation and ache that rolls through Maggie’s body has her breathing a little shakily, Alex letting her kisses wander to the detective’s neck as she catches her breath.

But the reprieve only lasts so long and Maggie finds her heart racing uncontrollably when Alex’s hands pull down on her hips gently, Maggie groaning at the frustration of their jeans being between them as she gets the hint and lets her hips roll slowly under Alex’s guiding touch, her mouth finding her girlfriends with a smile as they kiss lazily.

Despite the slow pace, Maggie’s hands are soon clenching in the sheets beside Alex’s head as she tries not to fully collapse onto the girl beneath her.

But the intention is quickly lost when Alex’s hands drift up from her hips, catching at the hem of Maggie’s shirt and urging it up over her stomach. The feeling of Alex’s fingers against her skin sends sparks through Maggie’s body as she breaks their kiss with a gasp. She buries the sound into Alex’s shoulder as the agent’s lips find her neck hungrily and she pulls at Maggie's shirt insistently. 

“These clothes really gotta go Mags.” Alex laughs out gently, biting a little at the strap of Maggie’s bra on her shoulder when the detective nods eagerly with a breathless smile.

She sits up a little, hands pulling at the neckline of Alex’s sweater to pull her upright and into another slow kiss, desperate to stay as close as possible. Maggie savors the feeling of Alex’s smile against her own as the agents hands guide her shirt up once more, until Maggie has to pull away to get it over her head and onto the floor.

“Can you get that?” Maggie questions smugly, fingers pulling at Alex’s sweater as she recants Alex’s earlier line back playfully.

Alex nods with a smirk as Maggie shuffles back off the bed to get her jeans off. 

“Unlike you I think I can manage to get something...” Alex’s playful retort dies out as Maggie pulls the denim from her skin, kicking it away gently and biting her lip at the way Alex’s eyes trace the lines of her body, stalling at her underwear and bra before meeting Maggie’s eyes.

“You're so beautiful.” She murmurs as she moves to the edge of the bed on her knees, fingers bunching in the sheets before Alex reaches a hand out for Maggie's, pulling her in close and urging the detectives fingers into her hair as her forehead finds Maggie’s ribs gently.

She kisses the area reverently, Maggie feeling the smile on Alex’s face when she lets her hands run through the agent’s hair, trying to keep her breathing relatively stable as Alex lets her hands wander to the small of Maggie’s back and pull her in a little closer. It feels impossibly intimate the way Alex seems content to let the soft touch of her lips reach every fraction of Maggie’s skin, from the curve of her waist down to the soft and fading scar near her hip. 

But Maggie sighs when Alex lingers there cautiously, her breath softly echoing in Maggie’s ears as the agent pulls back a little to watch her fingers run over the mark gently.

Maggie reaches for Alex’s jaw, urging her eyes away from the scar and up into her own eyes instead, letting her thumbs brush over her girlfriend’s cheeks comfortingly. But she’s relieved to see the soft smile that spreads over Alex’s face, the agent leaning into her hands easily as she lets her hands drift back to Maggie’s hips.

“Still here.” Alex murmurs up at her.

The confirmation pulls a soft laugh from Maggie, the relief in her heart as Alex laughs along with her just making Maggie’s stomach flutter as she leans down a little to rest her forehead against Alex’s, loving the way the sound echoes quietly between them. Maggie doesn’t miss the chance to press her lips to Alex’s softly, her hands moving from her jaw down to her sweater and pulling at it.

“Can I?” She mumbles against Alex’s lips, smiling and bunching the material up and over Alex’s head at the slight nod the woman gives. 

She lets the sweater fall to the ground, her hands brushing at Alex’s jeans in question, one she doesn’t even get an answer to before Alex is laughing again and shuffling around on the foot of the bed to get the material off her legs.

Maggie can’t help but smile and chuckle softly as Alex settles back down on the sheets after kicking the denim away indignantly, the agent once again looking to Maggie and pulling her in until the detective is standing between her legs.

Moving back with a soft smile, Alex's hand holds gently to Maggie’s to urge her onto the bed, the detective breathing a little shakily as her girlfriend settles against the pillows and pulls Maggie up to lean over her. 

Alex watches her intently as she lets her thigh move between Maggie’s legs, the contact so much better now that they’ve gotten rid of their jeans. Alex must think the same because Maggie blushes at the smug and appreciative look on her girlfriend’s face as Alex lets her hands drag up her sides, up over her ribs and only just brushing over Maggie’s bra teasingly before finding her jaw.

Her eyes move slowly between Maggie’s lips and her eyes, the intensity of the gaze making the detectives hands shake and bury into the pillows beside them to steady herself.  Because as much as she knows Alex is finally pushing past her boundaries and fears about them being together, Maggie is still worried a wrong move here might send her girlfriend back to the start, that the trust will be lost and they’ll have to work to get it back all over again.

“Hey?” Alex whispers, searching Maggie’s face for something the detective isn’t sure she wants her to find. 

But when Alex’s eyes soften and her hands pull Maggie down to kiss her lightly, Maggie knows she could never hide anything from this girl even if she tried.

“This works both ways.” Alex reasons gently between them, her eyes fluttering a little with the closeness she seems intent on keeping with them. “I trust you and we are always gonna be okay… so let go Maggie. Be with me? Please?”

The whimper that escapes Maggie’s chest at the words is enough to make her collapse into the girl beneath her, hands threading into Alex’s hair and holding her close as she crashes them into a heavy kiss.

Alex gasps against her lips and arches off the sheets slightly at the sudden shift, Maggie leaning back quickly at the sound to apologize. But she doesn’t get the chance before Alex is pulling her back down, the slight force in her hands and the parting of her lips asking Maggie for more as her hands hold Maggie’s hips firmly against her thigh.

Maggie moans and bites at Alex’s lip to catch her breath when the agent pulls her body down, Maggie’s underwear not doing much besides getting ruined as she lets Alex guide her hips up and down slowly. 

The pace is frustrating and she finds herself pushing against Alex's hold until her girlfriend relents and lets her hands move to Maggie’s waist, letting her take control and press their bodies impossibly closer as she urges her thigh up between Alex’s own steadily.

The gasp Alex lets out at the contact breaks their kiss and Maggie smiles as she lets her lips drift over Alex’s neck softly, loving the way the darkening sun shines faintly against the light sweat breaking over her skin. 

Her hips roll a little as she kisses the spot below Alex’s jaw teasingly, the desperate moan her girlfriend lets out compelling Maggie up a little so she can look down at the girl beneath her. The sight of Alex breathing shakily, dark hair messed up in the sheets as she looks up at Maggie with dark eyes filled with an addicting mixture of love and desire has Maggie’s chest clenching as tightly as her stomach.

“You’re so beautiful it actually hurts.” Maggie murmurs with a nervous smile, Alex blushing and instinctively pulling down on Maggie’s waist at the admission that mimics her own as the detective brushes her hair back a little to see her face. “I love you.” She whispers, leaning in close and letting her nose trail down Alex’s gently.

“I know.” Alex breathes out happily, a little spark in her eyes at the small repetitive game they find themselves playing with their words. “And so are you.” She assures.

Maggie laughs under her breath and lets her lips fall to Alex’s again, her fingers content to rest against her girlfriend’s neck gently to feel her rambling pulse.

“Come here.” Maggie whispers, pulling Alex up and shuffling a bit to sit in her lap comfortably as Alex wraps her arms around her waist and kisses her collarbones with a smile Maggie is desperate to feel against her own.

Alex is happy to comply as Maggie pulls her up slightly, the detective’s hands leaning her head back gently to deepen the kiss with a smirk at the way Alex’s hands slip down to the small of her back to pull Maggie against her chest.

Her tongue moves slowly between Alex’s lips, pulling a low moan from the agent as she chases the soft sensation with her lips each time Maggie pulls back before subsequently kissing her again, dizzy from the taste and the sounds her girlfriend muffles into her mouth. 

She lets her hands drift down to the base of Alex’s neck, pushing there firmly until the agent leans back at the pressure and groans at the loss of Maggie’s lips. But that groan, along with the way Alex whimpers as she pulls at her hair to get to her neck and bite gently at the smooth skin, is exactly why Maggie has torn her lips from Alex’s, despite her desire to kiss her until she’s breathless. And Maggie will. But she wants to hear this first, hear Alex respond and come apart with every touch of Maggie’s fingers, every small kiss she places on her skin. Maggie wants Alex writhing and gasping, her hands pulling frantically at anything she can reach as Maggie pushes her to the edge just to prove how much she loves her.

“I want you.” Maggie murmurs into Alex’s neck, Alex shivering as her breath moves over the sensitive skin. “I want this…” she whispers, a hand drifting from Alex’s neck onto her chest to rest over the heavy beating of her heart, the rhythm stalling beneath her fingers. “ And this…” Her touch moves down slowly, catching on the small section of Alex’s black bra before finding a steady path down her stomach until her fingers are playing with the waistband of Alex’s underwear.

“Maggie…” Alex whimpers out, arching slightly into the soft contact even as Maggie refuses to go any further.

“Is that okay?” Maggie asks lowly, the hand she has in Alex’s hair holding firmly to keep her eyes locked intently with her girlfriend’s. “Do you want me to show you exactly how much I love you Alex?” she questions, half teasingly and half sincerely. Because that’s all Maggie really wants to do right now is show Alex who she belongs with, that they belong together.

“Yes.” Alex murmurs a little desperately, pliant against Maggie’s hands even as she tries to get closer. “Please Maggie, I need you.” She admits shakily, her fingers bruising into the detective’s skin.

Maggie smiles and kisses Alex gently, letting her hair go to urge her to lie back down with a moan when their bodies fit together perfectly, Maggie settling between Alex’s legs and leaning over her to deepen their kiss once more. It’s slow and gentle, Maggie waiting and urging Alex’s lips to move and open beneath her own, their bodies arching and pressing against each other in a way that has Maggie’s hips pressing forward, Alex’s moans and hands pulling stronger every time until she has to throw her head back to breathe.

She whines when Maggie stops to check everything’s okay, body arching up into the detective as she murmurs a mix of incomprehensible requests and confirmations until Maggie resumes the slow motion of her hips and kisses at the agent’s collarbone instead as she moans at the heat and tension building in her own body.

Alex bites her lip, hands threading into her hair to try stay steady as she chokes off the heavy moans Maggie can feel catching in her throat as she kisses the area hungrily. The desire Alex apparently has to remain in control is more of a challenge to Maggie though, her heart racing at the thought of breaking through that restraint and having Alex take what she wants.

So she moves a hand to Alex’s hair again, holding her to the pillows as she moves her other hand to Alex’s side teasingly. Maggie smirks as Alex tries to urge her hand to her breast, her body keening and rolling slightly towards Maggie’s touch until the detective pulls at her hair intently to get her to stay still.

The low growl Alex lets out at the gesture only spurs Maggie on as Alex’s hands grow bolder, slipping from her back to reach under her underwear and pull against the soft skin beneath to urge her closer. If anything the insistence Alex has to push up into her and the way she shudders when Maggie finally moves her palm to massage her breast through her bra has Maggie thinking she’s almost gotten Alex to give in.

But it’s Maggie who ends up gasping in surprise when Alex suddenly takes hold of her hips and flips her into the bed, the agent’s hands instinctively grabbing at Maggie’s wrists and pushing her down as her eager kiss swallows the sound. She straddles Maggie’s hips and although the detective can feel how wet Alex is through her underwear, she’s completely taken by the way Alex stops herself from moving and focuses on kissing her deeply. It takes her a moment to understand why, Alex whimpering against her lips as her fingers clench in the sheets every time Maggie arches and shifts beneath her. She’s waiting, urging Maggie s hands to her waist before holding herself up shakily as she bites and pulls at Maggie’s lower lip suggestively before sweeping her tongue over the mark intently.

Maggie groans at the realization and pulls Alex forward by her hips slowly, the reaction instantaneous as Alex lets out a moan of pure relief and buries her face in Maggie’s shoulder as she follows the push and pull of Maggie’s hands, her breathing faltering and gasping quietly in Maggie’s ear as she moves.

The slow roll of her body against Maggie’s is quickly overcome by the erratic motion of her hips, the way her back tenses beneath Maggie’s fingertips just urging Maggie to pull the agent closer as the tension builds low in her stomach.

She enjoys the closeness, the way Alex can’t keep herself from collapsing to her forearms when Maggie arches her body into her girlfriend with a gasp when the agent moves over her clit unexpectedly. It has Alex muffling a breathless laugh into her shoulder before she’s leaning up slightly and repeating the motion with a low moan that Maggie is quick to match as she pulls Alex down into a kiss, their breath breaking most of it off as Alex knowingly slows her hips to press down in just the right place.

And the way it has Alex above her, how she's breathing between the moans as Maggie can feel their underwear becoming more of a teasing barrier than anything else is driving her crazy.

But Maggie can’t help wanting more, wanting to have Alex completely wrecked and writhing above her... she needs Alex in a way she's not sure they’re ready for again... but Alex seems intent on this, her body showing no signs of stopping in this position. So Maggie bites back a moan and pulls Alex’s forehead to her own, the blown look in the agents eyes making her stomach flip.

“Can we...” Maggie starts, not exactly sure how to ask but also trying to keep her voice steady. “This.” She explains, pulling Alex’s hips down and losing her breath at the look of desire that takes over her girlfriends face. “Can we use th-"

“Yes.” Alex affirms breathlessly, getting her hands beneath herself to let Maggie up a little. “Second drawer.” She murmurs, closing her eyes as she tries to calm her breathing.

Maggie rolls to her side and reaches for the bedside drawers, all but pulling the second drawer from its place as she fumbles for the strap on inside. She checks over the black shaft, grateful for the fact it’s mostly unrealistic as Alex watches her closely, moving back on the sheets so Maggie can sit up.

Alex doesn’t give her much chance to figure it out, the agent taking it earnestly and slipping the harness up Maggie's legs, her fingers steadying to adjust it around her hips and thighs before positioning the base over her underwear with a look of focus Maggie usually recognizes from her work. The intensity in her eyes has Maggie forcing herself not to blush under the agents gaze.

Maggie barely gets a chance to take in the moment as Alex practically tears her underwear off, her knees settling against Maggie’s hips with her hands holding tightly to the pillows beside Maggie’s head. 

“Do you need an-" Maggie attempts, Alex shaking her head as she clenches her eyes shut, obviously focusing on not moving until Maggie wants her too.

“Wet enough.” Alex murmurs, letting her face find Maggie's shoulder as she positions herself carefully, closing her eyes and biting her lip as the toy finds her entrance lightly.

The quiet admission makes Maggie exhale heavily, trying to steady herself enough to let her hands move over Alex’s back, slipping down to her hips slowly as she turns her face to kiss the agents neck gently.

But Alex just moans, her chest falling to Maggie’s when the detective uses her hands to hold Alex up instead of pulling her hips down.

“Please.” She breathes into Maggie’s ear, the word trembling with the effort.

Maggie hums happily at the sound, her hands pulling down slowly in appreciation. She murmurs assurances to her girlfriend as Alex gasps and whimpers into the pillow, her hair brushing Maggie’s cheek lightly with every small movement.

Alex finally lets out a breath as her hips meet Maggie’s, her heart racing against the detective’s chest as she gets used to the feeling for a moment. Maggie moves a hand to the agents back, drawing patterns there slowly as she waits, her own heart stammering when Alex moves her hips forward slightly and pulls the base of the toy over her clit through her underwear.

Her hips press up instinctively in search of the contact, Alex gasping as her back arches beneath Maggie’s touch and pulls her upright above the detective.

“Sorry.” Maggie breathes out, her hands finding Alex’s thighs as the agent leans over her.

Alex laughs quietly at that, letting her lips fall to Maggie’s gently, taking hold of the detective’s hands and moving them back to her hips. Her tongue drags between Maggie’s lips as she rocks her body slowly, Maggie sighing and trying to keep calm even with the way her body sparks every time Alex pushes back against her clit.

But soon even she can’t stop the way her body keens closer, the need to breathe growing too much for them both as hands clench and scratch over skin and Alex starts losing her control, hips pushing and rolling on their own accord as Maggie urges her closer and closer.

The moans Alex muffles into her neck makes Maggie’s stomach flip and knot, the tension winding so tightly before releasing as Alex presses the base of the strap on down, Maggie's hips arching up each time and pulling a whimper or a gasp from the agent as the toy pushes back against the motion of her body .

Her skin is hot beneath Maggie’s fingers, the feeling of the soft scars that line parts of Alex’s back just causing Maggie’s heart to shake as her hands fumble with the clasp of Alex’s bra. The agents breath catches when Maggie finally manages to get it undone, her hands eager to feel and pull down against the expanse of Alex’s back, the agents shoulders shaking slightly at the pressure of staying up enough to keep her hips dragging against Maggie’s as the bra gets caught between them.

The trembling of Alex’s body only increases, her moans overpowering the small incoherent requests she’s murmuring in Maggie’s ear. So Maggie can tell, by the desperation in the soft sounds and by the faltering movement of Alex’s hips that she’s close. The rocking of her body grows jagged and harsh, intent for only one purpose as Maggie revels in the feeling and experience of Alex slowly coming undone above her.

But as Alex’s breath hitches, she collapses to Maggie’s chest, whimpering against her neck as the position takes away her ability to move. She tries to get her hands back beneath herself but Maggie pushes her elbow out to crash Alex back down a little harshly. Alex whines as Maggie wraps an arm over her shoulders, pulling her in close as Alex swears under her breath.

The frustration has Maggie smirking, the satisfaction only growing as she twists her shoulder up into the agents arm to flip her into the bed with a choked off gasp. Biting her lip at the desperate look on her girlfriends face, Maggie settles on her knees and picks up a slow pace with her hips, hands urging Alex’s bra off and tossing it aside.

Alex's back arches into the sheets as Maggie urges her hips closer, her hands reaching for the lines of the agents ribcage to hold the angle as Alex pulls in a harsh breath and muffles a moan into the pillow beside her head.

Maggie pulls back slowly, unable to resist watching as the toy moves out slightly from her girlfriends wet folds, just enough to have Alex pushing back in search for it again and clenching her hands in the sheets when Maggie leans over and pushes her hips back down heavily.

It pulls a deep moan from Alex who writhes slightly as her body pushes up into Maggie’s own.

“You're okay.” Maggie murmurs slowly, leaning down to kiss lightly at Alex's collarbones, rolling her hips firmly to keep the gasping and whimpering going from the girl below as her lips move over Alex’s chest. “I got you.” She assures gently, kissing at the racing pulse beneath her mouth before letting her breath tease over one of Alex’s breasts, the agent arching desperately for the contact Maggie holds back for a moment.

“Please” Alex chokes out quietly, the sound a little lost by the moan she lets out when Maggie pushes forward a little harder in response.

But it has the girl beneath her arching again, her hands scratching harshly at Maggie’s back in a way that should probably be painful but only feels addicting in the moment as Maggie relents and lets her tongue move over a straining nipple, smirking and letting her hand find Alex’s other breast and palm it firmly as Alex breathes out a mantra of expletives mingled with Maggie’s name.

It spurs Maggie on, loving the way her name breaks from Alex’s lips as she pushes her hips harder and faster, biting gently at the nipple between her lips as Alex’s hands thread into her hair and hold her there. It doesn’t take long at this new pace until Alex is writhing, arching and moaning beneath Maggie, her breathing is quick and it catches in her throat as her hips push up just as Maggie rolls hers forward. Alex pulls Maggie’s hair harshly, urging her up until their lips crash together as her body goes rigid beneath Maggie’s touch.  

Maggie moans at the way Alex muffles the sounds of her orgasm into their kiss, her body shaking and trembling as the detective slows her hips and turns to pushing them forward slowly and firmly to draw out the sensation as long as possible. 

She pulls back slightly after a few moments as Alex’s body softens. Their lips barely graze together as Alex’s moans turn to soft whimpers and gasps as aftershocks arc through her body, Maggie smiling to herself at how beautiful it is to see Alex right now, her hair a wreck against the pillows with her eyes clenched shut and swollen lips trembling as she regains some control of her breathing.

A soft laugh breaks in Maggie’s chest when she sits back, Alex whining quietly as she pulls the toy out carefully and tugs at the straps on her hips until she can work the strap on off and drop it to the floor to deal with later.

Alex smiles dazedly at her as Maggie shuffles forward again, kissing softly up her stomach, lingering on the small spot on her ribs that never fails to make Alex giggle as she tries to drag Maggie’s face away playfully.

She eventually succeeds, Maggie resting her chin on Alex’s sternum and enjoying the way they just fit together like this, the warmth low in her stomach burning softly as Alex settles a thigh between her own, no sense of urgency really taking over as Maggie smiles softly at the way Alex’s breathing feels this close. She nudges Alex’s jaw up a little with her nose to kiss at the soft skin below lazily as her girlfriend sighs appreciatively and sinks into the sheets under her weight as her hands drift up and down Maggie’s sides tentatively, soothing over the scratches with her fingertips.

“That was…” Alex exhales contently, Maggie just laughing gently in understanding.

“Yeah.” She whispers, dropping her face to Alex’s chest as a blush starts burning on her cheeks. “We haven’t done that in a while.”

Alex laughs and wraps her arms around Maggie. “I think that’s a bit of an understatement.” She reasons, rolling them onto their sides so she can huddle in close to the detective as she leans her head in her hand and brushes Maggie’s hair out onto the pillow softly.

Her eyes are soft, searching for something only Alex knows, Maggie trying not to look away at the intensity.

“What?” She questions quietly, closing her eyes at the way Alex smiles back at her and lets her hand drift from her hair, down her neck and shoulder until she can rest it on her waist and pull her a little closer.

“I don’t know…” Alex murmurs, not seeming worried by the admission. “I just feel… there’s something about the way I feel with you and it’s.. I’m..I don’t know how..”

“You don’t have to.” Maggie cuts in gently, raising a hand to Alex’s jaw and holding her eyes steady. “I understand.”

Alex shakes her head, her smile putting Maggie at ease more than anything else.

“I want to.” She clarifies. “I want to tell you all the things that make me fall for you every day, I want to show you all the ways you make me feel safe and loved, I want… I want it all. With you.” Alex reasons gently. “We've been fighting against so many things for so long and whenever you’re ready... I'm ready to surrender to this. To the boredom and the late movie nights and the Sunday mornings right here...to us. I don’t wanna fight us anymore.”

It leaves Maggie trying to remember not to hold her breath, her fingers moving from Alex’s jaw in their instinct to thread into her short hair. The meaning behind her girlfriends words remind Maggie of their failed engagement, the detective unable to deny the slight fear that rises in her chest, the questions she’s asked herself a thousand times lately storming into her head. What if this is too soon? What if they aren’t ready?

“Alex...” Maggie starts. Not knowing how to explain how she wants it all too. She trusts Alex with everything she has, her whole heart… but she’s scared.

“I would wait a lifetime, in a thousand universes for you to be ready.” Alex offers, turning her face into Maggie’s palm to kiss it gently. “ I just want you to know that I’m sure, completely.”

“Yeah?” Maggie questions shakily, breaking a little with the look of sincerity in Alex’s eyes as she nods.

“I believe in us more than gravity in at this point.” Alex laughs out gently. “You keep my world turning.”

Maggie rolls her eyes at the statement, a smile breaking over her face as Alex shoves her shoulder playfully.

“I mean it!” She resolves happily. “Don’t ruin the moment.”

Maggie laughs and pulls Alex down into a soft kiss, their smiles matching perfectly.

“A moment with you is never ruined Danvers.” She assures quietly. “And I want them too, all of them. You know that right?”

“Of course I do Mags.” Alex assures. “And we’ll have them. The arguments over the dishwasher, or the laughing at games nights, the frustration when you try teach me to cook.” She lists happily, Maggie swallowing past the tears threatening and tightening her chest.

She sits up, running her hands over her thighs nervously as another thought comes to mind, one she’s the most scared of. One that’s torn them apart before.

“Hey?” Alex questions worriedly, sitting up against the headboard and reaching for Maggie until she turns to face her. Something must show on her face, because suddenly Alex is pulling at her hand gently, urging her up until Maggie is sitting across her thighs with her eyes fixed on the sheets.

“Maggie?” Alex asks gently, her fingers tipping the detectives jaw up to look into her eyes.

“What about…” Maggie stalls, her hands shaking where they rest on Alex’s collarbones as she finds herself struggling to breathe against her bra right now, even that small hindrance proving to be difficult with the emotion coursing through her veins.

“About?” Alex urges, her tone gentle and soft in a way that makes Maggie close her eyes. She has to say this.

“Kids?” She murmurs. “What about the moments we’re arguing about that?”

Alex sighs, leaning back heavily into the headboard as she runs a hand through her hair. And Maggie gets it; they’ve avoided talking about this for a reason. But they can’t avoid it anymore, not if this is going to work.

“We know where we stand, why would we have to argue if we don’t have to talk about it?” Alex questions timidly. “I’ve made my choice.”

Maggie frowns at the choice of words. Because actually, she does want to talk about it. She didn’t really get the chance last time before they let each other go, too angry and disappointed to figure it out like they should have. She won’t make that mistake twice.

“Do you know why I said those things? Why I didn’t want to have kids?” Maggie asks, knowing the answer already but wanting Alex to understand.

“I…no?” Alex offers quietly, the disbelief taking over her face. “How do I not know that? How… Why didn’t I ask that?”

Maggie lets her hands find Alex’s jaw, keeping her focused. Because she knows Alex will go down in her thoughts if she doesn’t keep her here right now.

“It was never about not wanting them, Alex” Maggie explains quietly. “And I should have told you, you shouldn’t have had to ask but… I didn’t know how to tell you then. “

“Tell me what?” Alex whispers, looking up to Maggie like she holds the fate of the entire world in her hands right now.

It feels accurate, Maggie’s heart begging her to just forget it, to let her and Alex live in this safe space of not bringing up the past, of leaving it behind. But Maggie knows they can’t move forward without this happening.

“It’s not the kids Alex.” She offers quietly, shuffling back a little to breathe and steady herself as her hands wring together tightly against Alex’s stomach. “It’s us.” Maggie eventually resolves.

“I don’t…” Alex trails off, shaking her head and looking at Maggie with a pain in her eyes that’s practically unbearable.

Maggie rushes to cradle her girlfriends face again, the tears forcing themselves onto their cheeks as Alex holds to her waist tightly.

“It’s.. I could never ask you to not be who you are Alex.” Maggie reasons slowly. “And who I am… what we do. How do we make that work? How do we protect someone when we just barely protect each other?” She asks brokenly, the reality of it sounding like a conviction. “I couldn’t take losing you... let alone a child. Our child.”

Alex shakes her head and sobs softly, her face falling to Maggie’s chest as she wraps her arms around the detective.

“What does that mean?” Alex cries quietly, Maggie running her hands through the agent’s hair to try calm her a bit. “I want it to be different. I don’t want to lose anyone… I can’t.”

“It means we talk.” Maggie reasons softly, pulling Alex up a little to see her face and wipe her cheeks, “We figure it out, whatever that ends up meaning. Okay?”

Alex nods and falls back into Maggie again, her breathing shaky against the detective’s neck as she mumbles acknowledgments incoherently.

“Hey?” Maggie says gently, her own tears drying as she holds onto the girl she loves, knowing what she’s about to say is true. “We’ll be okay. I promise. For now, let’s just start with us. Deal?”

"Deal.” Alex mumbles, hands bunching over her face as she rubs her eyes and takes a breath to calm down.  “I Love you.” She says, breaking out into a small laugh as she gets herself together.

Maggie smiles down at her softly; sort of proud of the way Alex has grown since they first met. She remembers thinking there was no way this protocol driven and intimidating DEO agent would ever be capable of sitting her with Maggie in her lap, both of them smiling as they help dry each other’s tears with a promise to make it all work, together.

“I love you too.” Maggie smiles, leaning down and kissing Alex’s forehead, her nose and her cheeks, loving the smile she can feel on her girlfriends face as she does so.

She pulls back, warm and content with the way Alex’s hands drift to her hips and pull her in close, a small spark in her eyes as she looks up at Maggie and bites her lip.

Maggie finds her gaze fixed on the small action, wanting so badly to run her finger over the soft skin and soothe the slight mark that will surely be left there.  She doesn’t get the chance as Alex pulls her closer, titling her jaw up until their lips meet and Maggie ends up just biting at it gently instead, Alex sighing and moving her hands to the clasp of Maggie’s bra.

“Can I?” She murmurs against Maggie’s lips, smiling as the detective laughs and nods as she pulls Alex back into a kiss.

Alex’s hands fumble a little with the clasp, Maggie smirking when Alex clearly has to focus on that instead of kissing her as she loses track of the pace for a moment. Maggie has to lean back and laugh at the frown on Alex’s face as she struggles to get the bra to cooperate, looking more adorable than frustrated.

“If I didn’t know any better I would think this was your first time getting my clothes off Danvers.” Maggie teases, swatting at Alex’s hands so she can reach behind her back and do it herself.

“This bra is just being a nuisance.” Alex mutters back playfully, leaning forward to kiss at Maggie’s collarbones as the clasp clicks open in the detective’s hands.

“See, not that hard.” Maggie offers, pushing Alex back into the headboard and tossing the black bra into the agents face.

Alex tugs it off, looking like she has a retort ready with the smirk on her face. But her focus clearly doesn’t stay on that long enough as her eyes move over Maggie’s body, darkening with every fraction they take in.

Maggie tries not to whimper at the unabashed way Alex pulls her hips forward into her stomach, her fingers burning across Maggie’s skin as they move over her back.  Alex smiles and leans into Maggie’s neck, her lips tracing lines there happily as Maggie tries not to moan at the feeling of their bare chests moving slowly against each other.

She ends up threading her hands into Alex’s hair, anchoring herself as the tight knot in her stomach builds up again, Maggie unable to control the way her hips roll down into Alex’s lap. It earns her a sharp nip from Alex every time, Maggie arching into the sensation as Alex pulls her closer and urges her hips to move faster.

“You feel so good.” Alex murmurs into her ear, an arm wrapping over Maggie’s back as she lets her hand squeeze gently at the detective’s side before moving onto her breast gently.

Maggie bites back a moan at the gesture, Alex just smirking and pinching her nipple gently until Maggie gasps.

“I wanna hear you Mags.” Alex whispers lowly, pulling Maggie closer and smiling against her neck when it pulls a moan from the detective’s chest.

Her lips trail along Maggie’s neck, the sensation of a mark bruising above her pulse as Alex focuses there pushing Maggie closer to edge. It’s like she can feel Alex everywhere, her touch hot even against the late sun that shines against the light sweat on their skin.

And yet the arm on her back, the hand teasing her breast and the breath on her neck aren’t enough, Maggie’s body arching and writhing, silently demanding more where her words are failing at the moment.

She reaches for the headboard to try and hold steady, her breathing quick in short in a way that has her a little dizzy. Alex leans back slightly to allow it as Maggie whimpers in frustration, her underwear becoming completely unsalvageable as she grinds over Alex’s stomach, the agent humming appreciatively and encouraging the motion with her own hips as they push up against Maggie’s.

And having Alex beneath her like this, moaning and murmuring quiet assurances and requests against her neck is intoxicating, Maggie whimpering at the way her stomach clenches and her hips shake with every sound Alex muffles there. 

And yet the arm on her back, the hand teasing her breast and the breath on her neck aren’t enough, Maggie’s body arching and writhing, silently demanding more where her words are failing at the moment.

She reaches for the headboard to try and hold steady, her breathing fast and short in a way that has her a little dizzy. Alex leans back slightly to allow it as Maggie whimpers in frustration, her underwear becoming completely unsalvageable as she grinds over Alex’s stomach, the agent humming appreciatively and encouraging the motion with her own hips as they push up against Maggie’s.

And having Alex beneath her like this, moaning and murmuring quiet assurances and requests against her neck is intoxicating, Maggie whimpering at the way her stomach clenches and her hips shake with every sound Alex muffles there.

So when Alex’s hand drift from her breast slowly, tracing her side before squeezing her hip in question, Maggie just nods and tries not to collapse into the sheets as she supports herself on her knees. Alex smiles against her neck as she carries on kissing there gently, her fingers tugging Maggie’s underwear down until the pair have to lean apart a little to let Maggie get them off before settling slowly back over Alex’s thighs. 

Maggie gasps as Alex pulls her in forcefully, her hand finding the back of Maggie’s neck and holding there as their lips crash together, moans and gasps mixing between them with each breath. Maggie threads her fingers into Alex’s hair, adoring and leaning into the breathless kiss, grateful for the arm her girlfriend supports across her back as her hand traces over her stomach slowly. The touch isn’t teasing, more soft and tentative, Alex smiling into their kiss gently like she’s lost in the small moment.

Her hand pulls at Maggie’s hip gently, urging her body back before pulling her forward again, Maggie getting the hint and letting herself rock back and forth gently under the instruction. But even that small motion becomes difficult when Alex lets her fingers wander down a little, small patterns forming beneath her fingers as she waits against Maggie’s inner thigh for permission. 

Maggie just groans, a smile slipping onto her face as she tries to breathe against Alex’s lips, pushing her hips forward into her girlfriends touch until Alex shift below her slightly to get closer, her fingers edging temptingly  as she moves them lower, gently playing with the dark curls there as she smirks at Maggie’s growing frustration.

“Alex..” Maggie laughs out shakily, the sound catching a little in her throat when Alex nips at her bottom lip playfully.

“Maggie…” Alex mirrors back with an innocent smile, nudging Maggie’s jaw up with her nose to run her tongue slowly over the soft bruises she left their earlier, humming happily to herself.

Maggie pushes forward instinctively at the contact, Alex’s fingers slipping messily onto her clit and pulling a gasp from her chest as her hips roll in search for the sensation again as Alex pulls her fingers back up with a muffled laugh.

“Slow down.” Alex murmurs, the tone low and intentional in a way that has Maggie clenching her eyes shut as she tries to control her body, forcing herself not to push too far into Alex’s hips, but unable to stop the small rocking of her own as she tries to sit patiently in her girlfriends lap.

“Please just touch me.” Maggie breathes out, beyond being embarrassed by the desperation in her voice, completely overtaken by the simple need to have Alex right now.

Alex exhales heavily against her neck. “Okay, I got you Mags, I got you. Always.” She promises gently, letting her fingers move down to Maggie’s entrance lightly.

The soft sensation of Alex swirling her fingers there gently has Maggie breathless, the knot low in her stomach tensing and begging her hips to move forward, to feel more and have Alex take it all. But Maggie forces in a breath, contenting herself to keep rocking gently, much to Alex’s apparent appreciation as she brings her fingers up to Maggie’s clit and circles it softly until Maggie is collapsing against her chest in an effort not to lose control.

Alex just pulls her closer, Maggie moaning at the smile she can feel on Alex’s lips against her shoulder where she leaves soft kisses and bites. Maggie tries to focus on the soft sensation, the way Alex’s fingers tease at her entrance making her lose her resolve as she moans into her girlfriend’s neck deeply, her hands falling from the headboard to try and stay steady by holding Alex’s shoulders.

It pulls a short and quiet laugh from Alex who brushes her nose along Maggie’s neck gently as she stills her fingers between them. The hand she has at Maggie’s back slips down to the base of her spine and pulls her in, Maggie’s hips rolling with the motion.

Maggie gasps as Alex curls her fingers through her folds gently, pressing slowly until she can move her touch against the small spot inside that has Maggie arching in her girlfriend’s arms for more pressure. Alex complies happily, urging Maggie’s hips to move back and forth slowly with the hand at her back, humming softly into her neck.

The pace is slow, but Maggie finds the way it lets Alex push and pull her finger firmly against her firmly, every move slow and deliberate has her breath catching as her body tenses and aches to find some sort of release against Alex’s touch.

But the pressure starts to become too much when Alex’s lips shift from her neck, down to her shoulder to kiss the old scar there. The gesture brings with it all the history, all the moments spent in the dark with Alex’s arms to keep her safe, all the whispered "I love you’s” at times when that’s the only thing they both knew for sure. So here in this place, with Alex, it feels like it brings Maggie home.

Maggie pulls at Alex’s jaw until she can lean down to kiss her, the taste of her lips as they both smile has Maggie keening forward a little harder into her girlfriend’s hand. Alex groans and bites at Maggie’s lip gently with the motion, adjusting her palm to push against Maggie’s clit every time her hips rock forward.

The slow repetition has Maggie gasping, her stomach aching every time she clenches around Alex’s fingers only to have her pull and push against the tension. She struggles to breathe but can’t help preferring Alex’s lips and tongue to oxygen right now, intent on keeping her close even as Maggie’s desire to let go and collapse into the tension filling her body becomes relentless.

Alex must notice though, because before Maggie can even ask Alex is breaking off their kiss, her mouth kissing along Maggie’s jaw until she reaches her ear and bites at it softly.

“You can go a little faster now.” She assures gently, sighing as Maggie’s hips falter against her hand. “I still got you.” Alex murmurs, pulling her fingers back out through wet folds and circling Maggie’s clit firmly to get her body to arch forward and keep moving.

Maggie moans and wraps her arms over Alex’s shoulders, burying her face in her girlfriend’s neck as her fingers shift back down to her entrance and push in slowly.

Alex lets her get used to the feeling again, twisting a pulling her touch back out a few times before trailing her lips to Maggie’s neck and shoulder to hold her steady as she moves her fingers a little faster, palm pressing against Maggie’s clit each time to keep the tremors shaking through her body.

The ache in Maggie’s stomach tightens, the heat in her body and beneath Alex’s every touch has her writhing and arching her body against Alex’s stomach desperately, the agent’s fingers pushing in deeper than before and pulling a low moan from Maggie’s lips.

And when Alex pulls back and pushes in again roughly, tongue soothing over the marks on Maggie’s neck as she does, it has Maggie nearing her limit, struggling to contain herself as she gives in and lets her hips grind and roll into Alex.

“Let go for me?” Alex murmurs between kisses to Maggie’s neck, pulling and pushing her fingers firmly between them, hitting just the right place every time and coming back to it over and over again, urging Maggie closer and closer until sensation is all too much and just enough for her to take.

Maggie is briefly aware of the choked moan that escapes her chest as her entire body tenses and clenches around Alex, Maggie’s hands pulling at her shoulders and knees closing around her waist until the sudden pressure releases and has Maggie collapsing against Alex as a sense of relief takes over every inch of her body. Her hips roll subconsciously against Alex’s fingers as they move slowly and deeply to draw out the intense pleasure taking over Maggie’s senses.

She gets lost in it, the way she can feel every place on her body Alex and her touch, the way her heart races and stalls at the slightest pressure Alex puts against her clit as she rocks into the agent's hand, the way she can feel Alex holding her close as she whispers incoherently into Maggie’s neck.

Maggie tries desperately to hear what Alex is saying, her ability to focus starting to fade as her body shakes and rolls through the orgasm Alex guides her through… she only hears small pieces as it all starts to slip. But it’s enough.

“Always… you’re beautiful... so in love with you.” Alex’s voice echoes quietly, Maggie’s heart stalling as her body pushes her over the edge and she closes her eyes, holding tightly to the girl she loves as it all fades away into a calm darkness around her…

 

...

 

Alex smiles into Maggie’s hair and kisses her head as she gently rests her onto the pillows and lies beside her, her girlfriend sighing in acknowledgement but still not really back in the moment. It’s a rare chance for Alex to look over Maggie without her shying away or getting nervous, Maggie never really used to having attention on her in such a way.  
  
In some aspects Alex loves how shy Maggie can be, the way she ducks her face when she blushes or how her smile is sometimes directed to the ground, something about it feels endearing. Yet at the same time, the moments of confidence and strength Maggie can show I the same instance has Alex falling all over again, like a constant cycle she never wants to break.

But times like this, when she can just run her fingers slowly over Maggie’s neck and through her hair and watch as her girlfriend’s eye’s try to focus as she shifts closer, well they have Alex believing in eight letters that could never really mean much outside of this girl in front of her.  
  
“I love you.” Alex whispers as her hands trace over the soft smile on Maggie’s lips as she breathes slowly and looks back at her dazedly.  
  
“You too, forever.” Maggie mumbles back quietly, edging her face closer to rest her nose against Alex’s with a soft laugh.  
  
Alex’s heart floats with the sound and she laughs at the sensation as she tilts her jaw forward slightly to kiss Maggie softly before sighing and burying her face in her dark hair, an arm wrapping contentedly over her girlfriend’s waist to pull her close. She enjoys the softness, closing her eyes when after a few moments Maggie’s fingers start moving slowly up and down the small of her back and the detective adjusts her chin comfortably on her head.  
  
“Let’s just stay here until people think we’ve gone missing.” Alex jokes softly, smiling as Maggie’s laugh echoes against her chest and in her ear.  
  
“Considering they’re coming here in a few hours, that’s not long.” Maggie muses, a small hint of teasing in her voice as she shuffles back to look at Alex at push her hair back gently. “But I would absolutely go missing with you any day.” She offers happily.  
  
Alex bites her lip at the words, trying not to huff at the reminder that people are coming over. Mostly because she feels a little high being here with Maggie, in their home, in their bed. She feels selfish and doesn’t really want to share it with anyone else right now, a little scared to break the small ‘Alex and Maggie’ bubble they’re living in right here.  
  
Something must show on her face, because Maggie just smiles and leans forward to kiss her forehead.  
  
“We have a whole life here, it’s not going anywhere.” Maggie assures quietly. “We don’t have to rush and you don’t have to keep this all away from everyone, from our family. We’re always gonna have this, you and me, okay?”  
  
Alex smiles softly at the resolve in Maggie’s voice, the way her eyes shine with the truth in them. It anchors her here like nothing else exists past that gentle colour there, nothing else matters beyond the way Maggie’s arm rests easily over her waist. And the thought that this is all she really wants for the rest of her life crosses Alex’s mind again, the small conviction repeating over and over in her head everyday she spends with Maggie.  
  
“Okay.” She whispers back, unable to keep the smile off her face when Maggie pulls her into a kiss, her hands threading into her long hair and reveling at the small sigh Maggie lets out between their lips at the gesture.  
  
“Keep kissing me like that and no one will be coming over to see our home Danvers.” Maggie laughs out, swatting at Alex’s hands with a smile as she pulls back a little.  
  
Alex hums happily and tangles her fingers with Maggie’s, bringing the back of her hand to up to kiss there gently as her heart stammers at the small smile Maggie has on her face at the gesture.  
  
“I like it when you say that.” Alex muses gently.  
  
“Say what?” Maggie questions, squeezing Alex’s fingers and pulling their hands against her chest so they can be a little closer, her heartbeat slow and steady beneath Alex’s touch.  
  
“Our home.” Alex clarifies quietly. “I love that this is ours, that somehow through everything we’re here… that you’re here.”  
  
Maggie lets out a shaky laugh to try cover the soft tears forming in her eyes. Alex instinctively moving her fingers from Maggie’s own to wipe at her cheeks.  
  
“This is everything I always wanted and never thought would be possible. You are everything I thought love could never mean.” Alex continues gently, some part of her just needing to say it all out loud, just in case Maggie still has some part of herself not hearing it. “All those stories I used to hear, all those movies I would watch… I could never understand. But with you, I know that all of those things could never come close to what it actually feels like being in love with you Maggie.” She reasons slowly, grateful that her girlfriend manages to keep looking at her despite the way her eyes struggle to hold back the tears. “And I am… So in love with you… everything I’ve ever done in my life, the moment s that made me who I am… they brought me to you. It’s always been you Maggie. Always”

Alex smiles as Maggie huddles into her, the detective’s face finding a place against her neck as Maggie holds her close and breaths shakily against her, their heartbeats syncing after a few moments and making Alex close her eyes happily to focus on the sensation.

“We’ve been going around in circles for so long." Alex muses quietly, her heart daring to ask to be heard when Maggie is so close to it. “So I mean it, when you're ready... my life is complete just having you. Because it’s the only thing that will ever matter to me in here.” She resolves, tapping Maggie’s back where her heart is beating slowly.

Maggie shifts impossibly closer, her breathing quiet and deliberate for a few moments as she hides against Alex’s neck.

“I believe you. Everything… and I love you Alex.” Maggie murmurs softly after a while, her voice like a shadow in the easy silence that surrounds them. “No matter what happens, I will always be in love with you.” She resolves.  
  
Alex chokes back tears as her arms tighten around this girl, vowing to keep her heart safe for the rest of her life, to show Maggie how much she deserves from this world. Alex is determined for Maggie to always know that she’s everything. And she takes comfort in the fact that she’ll have the rest of her life to prove it, over and over again and spend each moment with the love of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think were getting close to proposal time, whattya think?😄  
> Sorry the updating has been shit, I'll try get a bit of a better schedule.. never goes to plan but try none the less😅  
> I've got a Twitter under the same name that I'm still figuring out if theres anything ya wanna throw at me there..also for anyone already with me over there you woulda seen a snippet from this chapter, so sneak peeks are gonna be a thing there 😊  
> Hope everyone has a good day/night andddd sanvers endgame❤😁
> 
> X- S


	21. I Always Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo getting this all set up for kinda the next phase of the story...I apologize in advance 😬😅  
> For some reason I feel a little off on the writing on this bit so as always let me know if anything's gotta be fixed 🤗

Maggie paces nervously in the control room, her arms folded tightly to try keep herself together as Winn rolls around in his chair in front of her and sets up screens and laptops across the desks. It’s not easy considering her ribs are still bruised and angry from a bad arrest last week. Even climbing the stairs to Alex’s lab has left her breathless the last few days.  
  
Jonn stops her with a firm hand on her shoulder, his eyes looking over her cautiously.  
  
“You don’t feel good about this.” He states calmly, tilting his head to urge Maggie to speak when all she does is shrug.  
  
“I never feel good about Alex going out there, or any of you.” Maggie admits quietly, knowing it’s not really a fair thing to say when the work they do is so important. And it’s not like she could ever change Alex’s mind anyway when there’s people out there who need help. She's exactly the same.  
  
“I will never let anything happen to this family.” Jonn assures gently. “You and Alex are never going to lose one another so long as I’m out there, okay?” He questions.  
  
Maggie nods slowly, finally able to actually accept the words and know that everyone here would do absolutely everything to keep each other safe. She just wishes she could go with her girlfriend to help, but this is out of her league right now, Maggie knows she’ll just be getting in the way and the last thing she wants is Alex distracted.  
  
“Okay target one is moving towards the Docks and target two is en-route to L-Corp.” Winn calls over his shoulder. “We’ve got a slight radiation reading from number one, it might be kryptonite.” He says unsurely, looking to Jonn as he squeezes Maggie’s shoulder reassuringly and moves over to the tech expert.  
  
“Alright then I’ll take Alpha team for target one and Kara and Jonn can get two?” Alex questions, charging up to the control room in her gear as she gets her ear piece in and connects to the comms system.  
  
“Yeah we got it.” Kara affirms, already running for the balcony and launching into city with Jonn as Alex gives Winn a thumbs up for her radio receiver check.  
  
Maggie forces down the churning in her stomach, berating herself for always being so scared when Alex goes on a mission. She knows her girlfriend is capable of taking care of herself, that she has a whole team counting on her… Maggie knows she just has to deal with the fact that Alex does her job. And she loves Alex for the work she does, Maggie really does. But it doesn’t make letting her go everyday any easier.  
  
“Hey?” Alex says, grabbing Maggie’s hand and unfolding her arms to pull her a little closer. “I’ll be right back, promise.” She says with a gentle smile.  
  
“You better.” Maggie retorts, trying not to let the sense of worry take over her body even as her hand shakes a little in Alex’s. “We’ve got a date tonight and I expect you to be on time Agent Danvers.”  
  
Alex smiles and leans in, kissing her gently as she lets her hand slip away from Maggie’s own so she can head for the elevators and hustle inside with her team. Maggie clenches her jaw and shoves her hands into her jeans to stop herself from reaching out and pulling Alex back, asking her not to go.  
  
“I love you!” Alex calls out as the elevator doors are rolling shut, the reassuring smile on her face etching into Maggie’s head instantly before she can react.  
  
“I love you too.” Maggie whispers to the closed doors, staring at the cold steel like it’s a sign she should be reading.  
  
“You wanna come and help me?” Winn calls out to her, pulling a chair up beside him.  
  
Maggie nods and shuffles over, sitting down heavily and bunching into the desk to see all the security feeds Winn has on the monitors.

“I know it sucks not going out there sometimes.” He reasons. “But we can still be here and help them, not in the way I know you’re used to but it’ll all be okay.”  
  
Maggie takes a deep breath, nodding at the words. She always used to think Winn didn’t like her all that much, that he was mostly friendly and nice because he was scared of her…and of Alex. But lately Maggie has found herself sharing quite a few late nights with him, whether it’s at the bar or during missions, Winn always somehow making sure to keep her on track with things. And especially in moments like this, Maggie is grateful for the comforting smile on his boyish face, the way his fingers move calmly and clearly across his keyboard as he keeps watch over everyone out there.  
  
“Thanks Winn.” Maggie offers quietly, contenting herself to pull her chair a little closer to watch over his shoulder as she spots Jonn and Kara landing outside L-Corp.  
  
She clenches her fists as their target comes into sight, something akin to fire arcing off his entire body and setting cars and lampposts alight as he approaches the pair. Thankfully Kara’s first instinct is to try freeze it all, her breath forming a cloud that ends up frosting their current camera and causing Winn to switch to a new angle above the fight.  
  
“Jonn the restraints I gave you should be enough to hold this guy if you can get them on him.” Winn informs over the comms. “Supergirl, it looks like your freeze breath holds him periodically and keeps his powers down if you can manage to avoid hitting Jonn while he’s close.”  
  
“On it.” Kara responds, hovering a little to try get a better angle on the target.  
  
Maggie holds her breath as Jonn tries to move in with restraints, the Martian having to duck under a few swings from the now smoking man as Maggie can now make out. His dark hair glows like embers as it tries to relight under the cold ice Kara is sending towards him every few moments as Jonn tries to get in close enough. But overall it seems like the little fire trick is easily contained by Kara so Maggie feels a little more at ease as Winn suddenly reaches for a laptop and starts running codes over the screen in a slight panic.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Maggie questions, trying to make sense of all the stuff Winn is typing.  
  
“I can’t get a feed on the docks.” He rushes out, still focused on his screen.  
  
“Bring up the radios.” Maggie requests, her panic starting to match Winn’s at the fact she can’t track Alex anywhere on this mass of equipment.  
  
Winn nods and a few seconds later a static filled line echoes into the control room, the few agents manning the surrounding desks cringing at the noise before it clears up to the sounds of yelling and screaming, a mix of orders and fear amongst it all.  
  
Maggie’s heart stalls and she brings a hand to her mouth to stop herself from screaming as Winn starts ordering the secondary team to move out to the Docks.  
  
“Maggie!” He practically yells in her face. “Hey stay with me okay? I need your help, I can’t do this alone I need you with me okay?” He says, begging Maggie to stay calm so that he doesn’t freak out too.  
  
“Yeah.” Maggie chokes out. “Can we… Isolate Alex’s radio to figure out what’s going on?” She says shakily.  
  
Winn nods, determination set on his face as he turns his chair back into his desk and switches through screens and types commands, all of it happening too fast for Maggie to understand. But after a few seconds they get a clear sound through the speakers, gunfire roaring loudly around the control room as Alex’s voice fills Maggie’s ears.  
  
“We need back up! Winn do you copy? Send out Beta Team, repeat do you copy?” She yells , her breathing rough as crashes and shots sound over the comms line around her.  
  
“They’re on their way Alex, just hold on a few more minutes.” Winn rushes out, camera feeds of the secondary team flashing across the screens as he tracks their progress.  
  
“I don’t..” Alex cuts herself off as loud gunfire sounds over the speakers again, Maggie fisting her hands to keep control until she speaks again. “We don’t have time Winn! They’ve got us in the hull of some ship and they’ve blown the panels off, there’s water coming in and we can’t get past their guys, the primary target is neutralized but there’s a large cache of Kryptonite on deck…”  
  
Maggie chokes at the realization of what Alex is saying when she lets her sentence hang open. Kara can’t help them right now. But still the urge to get Supergirl there is burning in Maggie’s chest despite the danger, the look on wins face letting on that he feels it to.

“Winn, you do not let Kara anywhere near this thing!” Alex screams over the radio. “That’s an order!” 

Winn clenches his jaw at the command, his hand clenching on his tablet as he pulls up the information on the dockyard the team is at.

“Has Jonn got the other guy contained yet?” Maggie questions, knowing he's their best bet in lieu of Kara.

But her heart sinks as she looks over to the screen with Supergirl and the Martian where they are still trying to back the flaming target into a building.  
  
“Maggie?” Alex calls out, the radio cracking and breaking up. “Can you hear.. Keep Kara away..promise m..Shit! Everyone dow-”  
  
“Alex?” Maggie questions in Winn’s earpiece as gunfire and the sound of an explosion echoes in the control room. “Alex?!”  
  
There’s nothing.

“The boats down there are all insulated and the water is jamming the radio.” Winn reasons frantically.  
  
“Get the news on the screens and get hold of the broadcast company and tell them to get their chopper over the docks so we can patch into their camera feed.” Maggie tells Winn, desperately needing to know what’s going on.

But only a few seconds pass before Maggie can’t take it anymore, the detective grabbing an earpiece from the desk and securing it uncomfortably as a soft static fills her ear.

“Let the air unit know I’m coming up, we move out as soon as I’m up there.” She says quickly. “And find out exactly which ship Alex is on.”  
  
“Where are you going?” Winn questions as he points to an agent to get the instructions out to everyone.  
  
“I’m getting my girl.” Maggie reasons as she heads for the elevators, checking over her weapon. “Make sure a medical team is on standby okay?” she adds on shakily, not wanting to think about it being necessary.  
  
Winn swallows and nods as he waves for her to go. “Bring her back.”  
  
Maggie clenches her jaw as the elevator rolls shut and begins rumbling up to the roof, the sound helicopter blades echoing a little in the space as Winn’s words stick in her mind.  
  
“I always do.” She whispers to herself, more so to convince herself that this will all be fine. That Alex will be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliff hanger...sorry 😂 I'll get the next stuff up soon but just in case I'm just gonna promise everything is 100% okay at the end..I'm just a sucker for angst...I'd apologize for that too but it'd be dishonest soooo... I'll get more up soon😄


	22. I Always Do: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ultimates weekend!! Hope everyone has a great time wherever you're at and as always lemme know if theres anything that's gotta be fixed 😊  
> Also...sorry it's late! I keep forgetting which is terrible but I'm hopefully gonna get more of a schedule back soon🤗

“Everyone get down!” Alex yells over the gunfire, crouching down low behind a small shipping crate as a series of grenades blow up ahead of her.  
  
Water gushes in angrily as more panels blow off the side of the hull, the steel gaping in large sections as the cargo bay starts to flood. Alex knows they need to get out of here and fast. But the team of mercenaries accompanying the kryptonite shipment on board are holding firmly on the only way out, firing from the upper section of steel balconies and stairs that lead to the deck above.  
  
Her hands shake as the water rises to her calves, Alex forcing in deep breaths as her mind flashes back to thick glass and freezing water... she forces it all to the back if her mind as she shoves another magazine into her rifle and loads the chamber as she waits for a break in the gunfire from the balcony.  
  
Vasquez is a few feet away, sheltering in a metal container on her hands and knees, trying to pry gear from an agents chest to stop the blood currently pooling in the water around her knees. Alex can tell there’s no point, the chances of surviving the hit minimal, but her head is rushing with adrenalin as she fires blindly over the top of the crate, her rifle clicking angrily as the last cartridge empties.  
  
"Winn?!” Alex yells, her earpiece mostly blaring static into her head. “Maggie?!” She calls hopelessly, her entire body suddenly desperate for Maggie's hands on her shoulders telling her not to be afraid as the water rises, Alex trying to imagine it like the moments her girlfriend would slowly ease her into the bath, the water so much easier to face with her heart focused on Maggie.  
  
But in here amongst the groaning steel and roaring gunfire, Alex is struggling to breathe, her hands fumbling for her handgun and firing at the stairs and balcony uselessly as the floor beneath her starts to tilt, the ship beginning to drag itself to the ocean floor.  
  
"Danvers!” Vasquez screams at her. “They’re closing the bulkhead.” She motions up to the stairs leading out of here, the massive steel door starting to swing shut as the mercenaries lock them in here, their gunfire finally stopping as the door slams angrily.  
  
"Everyone move!” Alex orders, grabbing Susan's arm to get her to leave the dead agent and hauling her through the shattered crates and containers to reach the stairs. She climbs them hastily, grateful to be out of the water flooding the level below...for now.  
  
She braces against the wall beside the door, the handle firmly locked from the outside. She checks through the small glass section to make sure the mercenaries are gone before taking a moment to calm her racing heart.  
  
"Get some charges on it.” Alex orders, stepping back to let an agent press explosives onto the door hinges.  
  
He gives her a thumbs up, pulling the pin and shuffling around Alex to brace as the timer ticks inaudibly against the water thundering into the cargo bay below, the water steadily climbing and biting at Alex’s boots once more.  
  
Only three agents file behind her, stacking along the wall to avoid the incoming blast and Alex clenches her jaw knowing she’s got three people down in that dark water somewhere. But her priority is the kryptonite on deck and getting the rest of her team out, the thought focusing her as she watches the timer tick down, hitting three, two…  
  
The explosion forces Alex backwards a little, her team all bracing and holding firm at her back to stop them falling backwards as their training kicks in and they raise their weapons, circling the door which now sits blown ajar slightly with the hinges blown to pieces… except for one.  
  
“We need to blow that one too.” Alex instructs, glaring at the only thing keeping them in here as she kneels down in the water to check the door seals and try force them open.

“Alex..” Vasquez says gently, a hand on her shoulder to get her focus. “There’s no more charges or explosives, the frag grenades are out too.”  
  
“What?” Alex panics, looking over her team as they look to her for a solution.  
  
But she doesn’t know what to do, the water climbing up her legs starting to etch at the edges of her mind as the ship groans and tilts again, throwing them against the balcony rail as the far end of the cargo bay starts being pulled down into the bay. The lights all flash and flicker, eventually cracking off and being replaced by a deep red siren light overhead as the emergency systems kick in.  
  
Alex can hear her breathing stall and catch, her vision blurring even as she finds her footing and fires her handgun at the door, the bullets bouncing and ricocheting until the chamber runs empty and she screams in frustration and throws the gun at the glass in the door, not even that cracking.  
  
There’s no thought in her decision to run at the door now, her shoulder slamming into it heavily… uselessly.  
  
“Come on!” Alex screams at the steel, her boots slipping on the grates beneath the water that rises over the laces. She slams her fists into it, her knuckles bruising and aching but not registering to Alex over the panic choking in her throat.  
  
Eventually though, even she only has one more punch left, the contact forcing her to step back and cradle her hand as blood drips between her fingers. She isn’t getting out of here.  
  
No one says anything, all dropping their weapons into the water and tugging their helmets off as they avoid saying the obvious.

Alex looks them over, Susan staunch and unwilling to be anything but calm as she checks a cut on one of the other agent’s head, Davison Alex realizes, his blonde hair dirty with blood as it drips down his cheek and jaw. His youth shows through in the way he winces and bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from crying. And the last of the group, Andrews, has his hands held close to his face, looking up to the sky past all the layers of steel. Alex can also see the blood on his hands, the tears that silently stain his dark skin as he holds a picture of his wife and son to his chest.  
  
And it breaks her, Alex letting her back find the door as she slides down the cold surface and sits in the water as it swirls and bites coldly at her skin, a promise of what’s to come. But something in her doesn’t listen, some part of Alex hoping she’ll get another chance.

She doesn’t know what for exactly… just more. More chances to watch a movie with Kara, to see her and Lena make fools of themselves and just fall even harder every time. She wants more chances to enjoy the warmth of Jonn’s hugs or the softness of Winn’s hair when she ruffles it.

But her heart, the way it aches and begs is overwhelming, stealing all the fear that builds in her chest and using it to scream inside of her chest for just one more chance… with her. Just one more smile, one more laugh, one more night… one more chance to love Maggie with everything she’s got.

She wonders if Maggie knows all the things she’s been too afraid to say, if she knows she means everything to Alex, always. Did she say it enough? Did she waste moments being angry or scared when she should have seen the girl in front of her and known she was all that mattered?

Alex drops her head into her hands at the questions that race in her head, not caring about the tears that force themselves onto her cheeks and fall to the water that rises and rises, the pressure of it pressing against her tactical vest forcing Alex to strip it off just to breathe as she sits here.

“Hey?” Susan questions softly, crawling over to Alex shakily as the ship tilts and keels around them. “Do you want…” She cuts herself off, holding out a notepad and pencil to Alex, a small plastic bag with notes from the guys and herself making Alex want to throw up as her hands clench. They’ll find the notes when they dive to get their bodies, the thought alone too much right now as Alex imagines Maggie clutching some piece of paper that will never say all the things Alex wants to say to her.

“No.” Alex grits out, refusing the offer.

“Ale-“

“I said no, Vas.” Alex repeats quietly, reaching out and taking the bag from her and sealing it up tightly, trying not to cry at the tears in the woman’s eyes.

Susan sinks down beside her, head falling back heavily against the wall as Andrews pulls Davison into a tight hug across from them, the young agent breaking down in the embrace and clinging to the tactical gear across Andrew’s back.

Alex forces her eyes shut, her hands clenching the plastic bag tightly to her chest. She knows she should put it in her pocket, hide it away from the dark water making its way up her stomach.

But she subconsciously ends up pulling at a thin chain on her neck, hers and Maggie’s wedding rings clenching in her palm as Alex takes the necklace off. She stares at the gold metal, still looking so full of promise and hope for the future, one Alex so desperately wants.

“My son is gonna graduate next year.” Andrew’s suddenly speaks up quietly. “He’s got a full scholarship to Yale.”

Alex sighs brokenly at the words and looks across at her teammate, his arms tightening around Davison as the water splashes on their waists.

“Luke will be amazing, just like his dad.” Alex offers shakily, remembering the young boy from a few years ago when he helped run a few experiments in the lab. He was brilliant, even at just fifteen. Alex would never let on, but she’s the one who got Yale to offer him the scholarship, knowing just how great that kind of kid could be.

Andrews nods slowly, clenching his jaw past the tears that roll over his cheeks.

“My mom just got her new place in Florida, it's right near the beach.” Susan murmurs, a small smile on her face.

“So did my dad.” Davison suddenly mumbles, a chuckle breaking from his lips as he rubs at his eyes but refuses to move away from Davison. “Maybe they’ll be friends.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Susan laughs gently, looking around them tensely before her eyes find Alex, glancing to the rings clenched in her palm.

Alex clenches her jaw and looks to the ceiling, half trying to ignore the water soaking her clothes and half trying to avoid her team.

She tries to imagine Maggie whispering to her, telling her the water cant hurt her, that she’s right here and not letting go. Alex gets lost in it, even as the water gets colder and colder against her skin and Maggie’s words start feeling more like a memory than the reality Alex so desperately wants them to be.

“She looks at you the same.” Susan says gently, squeezing Alex’s knee to get her attention.

“Who?” Alex questions shakily, sort of grateful for the distraction.

“Maggie…” Susan says quietly. “She looks at you the same way you look at her. The world practically revolves around you when you're together. She loves you Alex.”

Alex chokes back the tears that tighten her throat, trying her best not to break down in front of her team. Because hearing that, knowing that Maggie feels even half of what she does… Alex can’t bare to think of what this will do to her. And something in that realization sparks an anger, a fire and a fight in Alex’s chest as she pulls the plastic bag open and pulls the notes out, clenching her fist around them and the rings tightly as she empties the bag.

“I’m not leaving her, not like this.” Alex determines, clenching her jaw and forcing herself to stand, the water seeming to recognize the retaliation and swirling angrily around her legs as she turns to the door again.

“What are you doing?” Susan questions, wiping at her face and standing to follow Alex.

“Thinking.” Alex murmurs, running her fingers over the warped and burnt hinge keeping the door in place. It might give way… if she could just get something with a bit of force on it… she just needs..

“Davison, you got any bullets left? Andrews?” She questions, turning to the boys, the pair standing shakily and fumbling in their dripping clothes to try find any ammo.

Susan eyes her doubtfully, looking to the door where Alex is resting her hand, practically willing the plan she has in her head to work.

“Here.” Andrews says, handing a small handful of rifle bullets to Alex.

“Vas, just hold this open so I don’t drop anything.” Alex says calmly as she hands the plastic bag to Vasquez, trying to focus on this and not the water that has finally started crawling up her thighs, the red siren light overhead starting to make her head ache.

Susan holds the bag below Alex’s hands as she pulls a multi tool from her belt and starts prying the bullets apart. The gunpowder empties out and slowly starts making a small pile in the bag, Alex hoping that it’ll be enough as she gets down to the last bullet and empties it in as well.

“Okay if this works it’s gonna be really close so we’re... we have to go under...” Alex reasons, more so to convince herself that doing this is the right thing, her heart raging against her ribs at the thought of going under the cold water.

“Hey, we’re right here Ma’am. I’ll pull you up myself.” Andrews assures. “If you have a plan to get us out of here, let’s do it.”

Alex nods, taking a breath as she faces the door and checks the hinge still keeping it shut. It’s barely holding together, only the centre piece of steel connecting it to the door keeping them from getting out.

“Back up.” Alex orders, motioning for the team to go down the flooded stairs a bit, the water rising to their chests as she shoves the bag of gunpowder between the door and the hinge.

It takes her a moment, Alex slowly and cautiously pulling a flash grenade from her belt and letting her finger rest on the pin. She knows she has to go into that water as soon as she pulls this, has to hope that the heat from the flash grenade will even be enough to blow the gunpowder and get the door open...that it’s the only chance they’ve got. This is all she’s got to get out.

She breathes, Maggie's voice in her head... and she pulls the pin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhangers are amazing right?😶 promise I'm working on the next part and will get it up soon 🤗  
> And as for other things..remember that forever is the definition of sanvers so everyone hang in there x


	23. I Always Do: Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh is this up later than expected? Yes. Do I have an excuse? No... I'm terrible sorryyyy😆 but uhmm...its a bunch of words so yeh, lemme know if anything's gotta be fixed as always 🤗

“You’re looking for the endeavour.” Winn says over the comms as Maggie jumps from the helicopter, the cord leading her down to the docks digging harshly into her hands. The team with her moves quickly to secure the are, the dock workers all yelling and waving at them frantically.

“Where?!” Maggie questions, her voice echoing a little against the overhead rotary blades as she looks between all the ships and containers along the dock.

She has to slow down a little to read the names, none of the letters the hulls offering her what she needs. It's hard to focus, with the choppers and the workers...Maggie cant think.

“The chopper has a ship sighted on the far end of the docks, it's going down so they can't make out the name.” Winn offers hastily.

“I don’t think we need a name for confirmation here Winn.” Maggie retorts, already starting to run, past workers and between the containers.

She ignores the ache in her ribs, her body begging to stop. But all she can think about is Alex, her mind fixated on that over anything else.

The ship comes into sight, the bow kilting into the air, smoke rising from crates on the deck as emergency workers try put the fires out.

"Okay I'm going in.” Maggie says hastily, hoping Winn will get Jonn here soon.

The responders all yell as she scrambles up the boat ramp to get on deck, trying to get past crates and boxes that all have black armoured cases inside. Maggie spots rifles and explosives in a few, but she grimaces at the sight of kryptonite shards shattered across the deck from one of the boxes crushed near the railing.  
  
But Maggie doesn’t have time to do anything about it, the ship groaning and creaking as it sinks further into the water.

She searches desperately for a way to get inside, spotting a door and running for it as she follows the trail of bullet casings that must’ve been left by whoever Alex was fighting.  
  
“Alex!” Maggie yells, drawing her gun as she heads into the metallic corridor, the florescent lights flickering as emergency lighting flashes intermittently.  
  
Whoever was here seems to have left though, so Maggie abandons her gun as she makes her way further into the ship, her heart racing with every groan and tilt that sends her into the walls. But what really makes her lose any sense of calm is the water that starts pulling at her feet as the floor beneath her starts to slip down with the back of the ship, leading down towards the bottom of the harbour.  
  
“Alex! Where are you!?” She screams, trying her best to get through the water as it gets deeper, reaching her thighs as she passes what seems to be the crew bunks and kitchen.  
  
The water rises, pouring angrily through the splitting hull as Maggie searches the rooms.  
  
“Ale-"  
  
A loud explosion cuts Maggie off, the sound forcing her to flinch even as she finds herself drawn towards it.  
  
She wades determinedly through the water as it rises to her hips, creeping up to her chest the further down the corridor she goes. It gets darker too, the emergency lighting taking over from the white fluorescents as Maggie tries her best not to completely fall down the slanting floor as she tries to find the source of the explosion.  
  
“Alex?!” She calls again, giving up and swimming when the water starts to get too high, adamant to reach the ceiling a few feet above her head as the ship continues its descent.  
  
Maggie tries to focus past the harbour rushing in and the ships groaning as it succumbs. But she doesn't hear anything.  
  
The panic only really takes control when she spots a bulkhead door at the end of the corridor, seeming to lead to the cargo bay. The water rises just below the small window in the door, water spraying heavily from the frame where the hinges are blown off.

Maggie doesn’t know exactly what to make of it. But her thoughts don't get far as a hand slams against the small window, pulling back and turning into a fist before slamming back into it again.  
  
“Alex!” Maggie screams, kicking her way through the water and grabbing onto the door.  
  
“Maggie?!” Alex calls back through the steel, the sound barely audible past the spraying water.  
  
“I’m here!” Maggie yells, grabbing onto the door as Alex shuffles forward on the other side and looks through the small window.  
  
Her hair drips over her eyes, the fear running plainly in the agent’s gaze even as she smiles in relief.  
  
“I’m gonna get you out okay, just hold on.” Maggie forces out, trying to keep herself calm enough to try figure out how to actually make that happen.  
  
“We tried blowing it, but the lock must be jammed too.” Alex reasons shakily, the cold water that taints her skin faintly starting to creep into her other senses as the water reaches her shoulders on the other side. “The handle won’t turn on your side will it?”  
  
Maggie looks down at the door, water rising up to her stomach at this point as she grabs the wheel and tries to twist it open. The steel slips in her hands, Maggie feeling the locking mechanism inside grate and grind as she holds tighter and tries to get it open.  
  
“Shit.” Maggie swears, leaning into the door to try get more leverage. But still it refuses to turn, the ship groaning and shaking as it goes down as if in protest to her efforts. Maggie doesn’t have a lot of time, the door separating her from Alex being the only thing holding the water back from this section… but it doesn’t help her girlfriend.  
  
“Maggie.” Alex says, tapping her hand on the glass to get her attention.  
  
“Give me a minute, it’s just stuck.” Maggie gets out, grimacing at the ache in her ribs as the bruises demand she stop even as she tries harder, clenching her jaw to stop the scream she feels rising in her chest at the steels insistence not to move.  
  
There’s another tap on the small window, followed by a hard slam.  
  
“Maggie!” Alex demands, hitting her fist on the window again, Maggie panicking at the sight of the water beginning to cover it.  
  
“No!” Maggie screams back. “You’re getting out of there! I just have to-“

“Listen.” Alex cuts in desperately. “Please Maggie, I can’t… you have to know.” She forces out, leaning her forehead against the glass as her eyes search Maggie’s sadly.  
  
“All I know is you.” Maggie reasons slowly, frustrated and angry at the tears on her face as Alex has to lift her head to keep breathing as the water crawls up her neck. “I won’t lose you again.”  
  
Alex chokes on the breath she pulls in, Maggie’s hands clenching on the wheel impossibly harder in response as it holds firm and the water sprays from the door and into her face to mock her.  
  
Alex just taps on the window again, the request soft but insistent enough with the look in Alex’s eyes for Maggie to have no choice but to listen.  
  
“You’ve never lost me Maggie. You will never lose me.” Alex offers sadly, her fingers resting on the window as her eyes look down to Maggie’s until she raises her own hand to rest against her girlfriends through the glass. “No matter what, I’m yours. Always.”  
  
Maggie sobs as her face falls to the window, Alex crying with her as she rests her forehead there as well.  
  
“You have to go.” Alex says brokenly. “I don-“  
  
“I’m not leaving you.” Maggie resolves, silencing the notion forcefully as the tears stream over both their faces, the anguish visible even past the water that covers them both.  
  
Alex nods slowly, seeming to take the moment to look over Maggie, the small smile on her face almost taking Maggie away from this place.  
  
But it’s only a few moments, the water rising up and forcing Alex to move back and tilt her head towards the ceiling to breathe.  
  
Maggie screams, uselessly pulling at the door as the emergency lights flicker and the ship tilts and keens further, the inevitability of its course driving a knife through Maggie’s heart as she tries to save the one thing that has ever really mattered in her life.  
  
But the water won’t stop, Maggie hearing Alex pull in one last breath as it hits the cargo bay ceiling and pulls her under.  
  
“Please!” Maggie screams, still trying to get them out of this.  
  
Alex grabs onto the door and pulls herself back to the window beneath the water, her eyes begging for Maggie to leave as the corridor starts to flood beyond escape as well. But Maggie ignores her, everything in her willing to stay and try save the girl she loves. Even if it means they both get trapped here.

Her girlfriend must realize, because after a second Alex is pointing her finger into the glass as her eyes half glare and half panic when Maggie still refuses to leave, the water consuming her chest and shoulders.  
  
“I’m sorry.” Maggie says, knowing Alex will read her lips. “I can’t.”  
  
Alex shakes her head, pointing down the corridor almost angrily. The intent in her eyes is clear, as is the fear. But she softens sadly when Maggie just shakes her head, still adamantly trying to force the handle to turn.  
  
Still it refuses to give way, its very purpose seeming to be this, to take everything away from Maggie. And she can’t bear it, knowing that one way or another she’ll be with Alex. It’s all she’s ever been capable of doing, everything in her life, their lives, it’s led them to each other. And with Alex is the only place Maggie knows where to be. They’re in everything together.  
  
So she stays, still fighting even as she accepts it won’t be enough, even as the look in Alex’s eyes says she does as well. Maggie stays.  
  
And the water rises, Alex closing her eyes tightly as their hands find each other against the glass again, Maggie wishing beyond anything she could have Alex hear her say she loves her one more time. That she could do it all again, every moment with this girl… just one more time.  
  
But the water is cold and unforgiving, reminding Maggie of all the chances she’s had to say everything going through her mind, making her resent all the times she should have handled differently. Most of all, it breaks her heart as it finally makes her understand just how much she loves Alex.  
  
And it’s too late, Maggie knowing that she can’t do any of it.  
  
The feeling itself is more crushing than the water surrounding her, Maggie clenching her eyes shut and trying one last time to get it all back as she turns the handle again.  
  
She expects the same sense of finality to slam into her heart, expects the steel to remain still beneath her fists as it has all this time… But it doesn’t.  
  
The steel groans and the mechanism inside creaks and cracks as Maggie snaps her eyes open, relief and overwhelming worry consuming her as Kara stands beside her, Kryptonite poisoning glowing and arcing up her neck as she grabs onto the wheel as well.  
  
“On three.” The hero forces out, clearly weak and on the verge of passing out right here.

But there’s a fire in her eyes that Maggie recognizes, one that burns in her own heart as Alex realizes Kara is there and taps on the window again even as she convulses slightly and tries to breathe, the water making her eyes clench as it fills her lungs instead.

“Okay.” Maggie rushes out. “One, two, three!” The pair both yell with the effort of getting the handle to turn against the sound of the rushing water that near has them beneath the surface as well.  
  
The wheel groans beneath their hands angrily, but after a moment something snaps and it spins freely and releases the steel door with a rush of water that floods the corridor, pushing Maggie and Kara back as the cargo bay finally has another place to let the raging water go.  
  
“I’ll get Vas and the boys, get Alex!” Kara yells at Maggie once the water has calmed to a heavy churning, the ship now trying to sink faster than they can get back to the surface.  
  
Maggie instantly starts searching the water, spotting Alex struggling to remain afloat in the water a bit down the corridor as she chokes and coughs up water as oxygen tries to rush into her lungs past it all.  
  
“Alex!” Maggie calls, pushing through the high water to reach her girlfriend and throw an arm around her back. “ I got you, come one.”  
  
Alex holds to her tightly even as she coughs and breathes haphazardly, trying her best to help get through the water as Maggie guides her down the corridor behind Kara, the hero dragging Andrews and Davison with Susan sort of draped over her shoulder unconsciously.  
  
The crew bunks and kitchen are all a mess of furniture and cutlery, Maggie dodging the debris as much as possible as the door to the upper deck finally comes into view, the sunlight shining like a beacon.  
  
But the closer they get, the more Kara slows, the kryptonite exposure becoming too much the closer they get to the crates outside.  
  
“I got him.” Alex suddenly speaks up hoarsely, grabbing the younger agents arm, and hauling Davison into her side much like Maggie has her right now.  
  
It seems to help, Kara managing to stumble up the sloping corridor and outside, but that’s as far as she makes it before collapsing, Susan and Andrews falling along with her onto the cold deck.  
  
“I’m okay.” Davison splutters, Alex nodding and urging him towards the incident responders who have an emergency ramp extended towards the ship.  
  
Maggie grits her teeth as she lets her girlfriend go to help him, turning back to Kara and kneeling down to check she’s still breathing. But the hero grabs her arm and pushes it towards Susan and Andrews.  
  
“Get them.” She gasps out. “I’m good.”  
  
Maggie nods and scrambles to Susan, grabbing the back of her tactical vest and dragging her as she helps a shaky Andrews to his feet and starts moving them to the ramp where Alex has Davison moving across the shaky structure.  
  
“Kara?” Alex questions roughly, clearly concerned but not in much shape to do anything about it as Andrews lifts Susan into his arms shakily and starts making his way down to the dock.  
  
“I got her, you go okay?” Maggie assures, holding Alex’s hand as she half guides and half forces Alex onto the ramp to go back down to the dock  
  
She waits until Alex is about half way before turning back to Kara, the hero clearly not doing so well as the Kryptonite on the deck steals all her strength, the shards shattered across the area amongst the broken crates.  
  
“Come on Kar.” Maggie urges, pulling her arm up until she’s sitting. But it’s at that moment Maggie realizes there’s blood all over the youngest Danvers suit, her face pale as her eyes struggle to focus, Kryptonite still making its way up her neck and along her jaw. “Kar-“  
  
The ship suddenly tilts, the ramp near the railing leading to the dock being knocked away as it tips and begins to roll. The flooding below must mainly be on the side facing the harbour, pulling it down faster than the one nearer to the dock.

Maggie hauls Kara up, wrapping one of the hero’s arms over her shoulders and trying to make her way up the sloping deck to the haphazard docking ramp.

But her feet give way on the slippery deck, Maggie pulling Kara close as they slide slightly towards the harbour side railing as the ship begins to capsize. They aren't making it to the dock.

Maggie instinctively pulls Kara close, the hero barely hanging onto consciousness as Maggie gets her footing back and gets them to the side of the deck, looking down to the water worriedly. And the ship is practically throwing them over the railing, the steel digging into Maggie’s stomach as the water gets closer, the ship tilting them closer and closer.

“Kara?” Maggie grits out, the hero murmuring incoherently as her hands slip and try to hold onto Maggie, onto the railing.

The kryptonite steals the colour from her skin, Maggie clenching her jaw at the coldness that creeps over her skin when Kara tries to hold onto her.

“Don't let go.” Maggie tries to tell her. “We're gonna jump on my go, okay?” She reasons, knowing that it’s either getting into the water and away from the ship, hoping that the down pull from the sinking wreck won’t pull them down as well...or stay and risk getting caught on the deck itself as it goes down. “Kara?!”

“Tr- rust you.” Kara forces out, her arm tightening weakly around Maggie.

Maggie nods and pulls the young hero closer, helping her over the railing and trying desperately not to lose her as the ship groans and lurches closer to the water.

Just as Maggie tries to climb over as well, a loud blast sounds beneath her feet, the ship groaning as it explodes from the engine bay below deck. The force of it sends Kara into the water, Maggie barely holding onto the railing herself for the few moments it takes until that section of the ship breaks away with a loud crack and plunges her into the harbour as well.

The freezing water steals the little breath Maggie has left, the instinct to fight back to the surface rising in her body even as the wreckage of the ship weighs heavily on her body, pushing her further down and down.

She tries to get out from beneath the fractured railing, tugging her jacket off roughly as she pushes herself into open water and watches the mass of steel and parts make their way down almost thirty feet to the sea floor.

She's about to make her way back to the surface, but a flash of red in the murky water and grey metal catches her attention, Maggie immediately swimming down to the ship after Kara who's trapped amongst it all.

The hero is completely motionless, her face cold and harsh beneath the water in a way that has Maggie panicking and trying to pull parts of the deck off of her, the steel shifting and kicking up dust on the kryptonite riddled seabed. But a heavy beam rests securely over Kara's chest, seeming to claim victory over the crest on the young hero's chest as it holds firmly against Maggie's attempts to pull it up.

Her head starts pounding as her heart demands oxygen, Maggie's lungs burning as the steel cuts and digs into her palms as she only pulls harder to try free Kara from underneath, refusing to leave her here. But her vision starts to blur, Maggie choking on the water that creeps past her lips as well as the thought that she's going to lose Kara whether she lets go or not.

And it only makes Maggie's heart break when she can feel her fingers slipping, her body shaking from not being able to breathe as she resolves to keep trying, unable to let go as Kara's cape flutters and floats around her ankles. Something inside of her cant face this moment, finding it easier to fight than abandon Kara to the green shards and cold water even as it threatens to take her down as well.

The realization only makes it worse, Maggie praying to anything and everything not to take someone else away from her right now... but she's never heard an answer before, the deafening silence that rings in her ears beneath the water painfully familiar... but still she clenches her eyes shut, demanding that this wont be how this ends... but there's nothing...silence...

Maggie's grip slips completely when something touches her arm, her hazy sight focusing on Alex. She can see her trying to say something, her girlfriends hands waving and moving through the water precisely in a way Maggie can't understand right now. So she just forces down the feeling of her chest exploding and grabs the beam again, Alex looking to her with panic written all over her face as she grabs the steel opposite Maggie and lifts as well.

They manage to get the beam to lift slightly, Alex having to awkwardly kick Kara out from underneath, blood drifting into the water from the ruined supersuit as they drop the beam and it crashes down and sends dust into the already turbulent water.

Alex grabs Kara by the arm as Maggie instinctively grabs a handful of the hero's cape and motions to the surface, Alex not having to be told twice as she starts kicking towards the fractured light that calls from above them, more focused on keeping an eye on Maggie as she begins to feel herself losing consciousness.

But she's so close to getting there, the sky showing through the water with every moment, almost touchable and yet feeling so far away as it seems to get darker and darker, Maggie not knowing if she's breathing and the air is burning her lungs or if its the water choking in her throat...closer and closer, it's all she can think as she vaguely realizes Alex grabbing her arm... she's almost there...

The air rushes into Maggie's lungs as she thrashes onto the surface, gasping painfully.

But none of it matters as an arm wraps around her chest, keeping her above the waters grasp.

“I got you.” Alex chokes out roughly, pulling Maggie into her side as she awkwardly shifts Kara onto a floating piece of the wreck.

Maggie tries to help, feeling Alex’s heart racing against her back as her hands tremble, eyes scanning the water like it may still be rising around them.

“It's okay.” Maggie gasps out, wincing from the breath it forces her to pull her in. It seems to calm Alex a little, her breathing slowing as she tries to get a better look at Kara, blood staining the piece of the hull keeping her afloat.

A life preserver is thrown from the dock, emergency responders yelling for them to grab it as Maggie loosens Alex's hold around her enough to reach out and grab Kara to help get her into the preserver, the hero still looking worse than Maggie can ever remember.

“Go with her.” Maggie insists, pulling Alex’s arm and forcing her hand to grab onto Kara. “If she falls out of this thing she’ll go back under.”

“No I’m not leaving y-"

“I'm right behind you.” Maggie cuts in gently, grabbing onto the floating piece of hull that previously held Kara as she nods to her girlfriend. “You need to help her okay, I'm just gonna wait for the line to come back.”

Alex clenches her jaw, the water dripping from her hair down her cheeks and neck harshly in a way that makes Maggie want to dry it away, replace the look of fear in Alex’s eyes with warmth and safety.

“I'm okay.” Maggie assures again, grabbing onto the piece of debris keeping her out of the water tightly as she let’s go of Alex, the agents fingers almost fighting not to let go of Maggie's until the last moment.

“I'm coming right back.” Alex determines as the emergency responders pull on the line and drag them towards the dock.

Maggie let’s out a heavy breath, her cheek finding the cold steel of her piece of the floating wreckage as she watches to make sure her family gets to safety.

She’s strangely tired, the adrenalin of the moment wearing off quickly and making Maggie feel a little light headed. But the realization that she is worried for her family still doesn’t escape her, the thought playing around in her hazy vision as she watches Kara get hauled up onto the docks by her cape.

And she can see Alex, the agent refusing the hands that reach for her from the dock as she starts to swim back out to Maggie with the preserver over her shoulder. But everything feels so slow and blurry, Maggie fighting to keep her eyes open even as Alex reaches out to her, forcing the preserver over her head and under her shoulders.

“Maggie? Are you oka...can you hea..mag...” Alex's voice echoes, Maggie reaching blindly for the hand she can feel on her arm as the emergency crews start pulling them back to land.

She barely registers the rough pulling and dragging as they’re hauled onto the dock, the concrete cold against her back as Alex leans over her worriedly. Maggie can see her talking but she cant make it out.

“Don't feel great.” Maggie mumbles out, Alex's hands drifting along her arm until it find her pulse, the agent obviously counting before she visibly relaxes.

The ache in Maggie’s chest softens as Alex shuffles around and lifts her up a little until her back is resting comfortably against the agents chest, her arms wrapped around Maggie tightly.

“You're okay, it's just shock.” Alex whispers in her ear, squeezing Maggie tightly to anchor her a little. “Just breathe slowly for me okay? Were just going to stay here for a bit.”

Maggie nods against Alex’s shoulder, focusing more on the way she can feel Alex's heart rate slow than her own breathing. But after a while she can feel her senses coming back, her throat raw and irritated, her hands freezing cold. And she can think, her mind racing to process everything... until it hits a wall.

“Kara?” Maggie questions worriedly, bolting upright in Alex’s arms to search the dock, the place a mess with crews and bright vests.

“The air until took her back to the DEO.” Alex says numbly, almost like she doesn’t know what’s happening.

“Is she okay?” Maggie pushes, swaying a little as she gets to her feet to get out of here. She offers a hand to Alex when her girlfriend can barely make it up herself, the way her hands shake making Maggie reach out and hold them tightly.

“We need to go Danvers.” She urges gently, pushing back the wet hair that clings to Alex’s face a little to see her eyes. “We can take one of the cruisers.”

Alex just nods, reaching out for Maggie as they help keep each other walking steadily, their clothes dripping as they make their way through everyone. They get a slight look from the officer Maggie flashes her badge at, but its quickly averted when he recognizes her and hastily hands over his cruiser keys.

“Easy, watch your head.” Maggie says gently, practically guiding Alex to the passenger door and reaching over her to clip the belt securely as her girlfriend noticeably stares at nothing in the distance.

It's a look Maggie recognizes, her heart breaking at having to see it again. But she knows she needs to get them back to the DEO, now.

“It's okay.” Maggie assures again, kissing Alex’s temple gently before rushing to the drivers side. She just hopes Kara will be okay when they get back, the thought that she might not be too hard for Maggie to focus on as she starts the car and speeds into the city streets.

She grabs Alex’s hand gently, relieved when the agent intertwines their fingers tightly, something about it making Maggie feel like everything will be okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How much drama can go into one chapter... constantly increasing 😅 we're getting to the point of the whole thing though so thanks for keeping up with this mess😁 x


	24. I Always Do: Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter title is probably gonna be across way too many chapters..but meh😅  
> Anyways y'all know the drill, as always 👍😄

Alex can feel her hands shaking, barely registering as Maggie holds her hand, guides her through the DEO past agents and concrete walls. She finds herself stuck in the back of her head, the feeling of her hair dripping water down her back flashing images into her vision with every drop she feels roll down her spine.

Kara, cold and vacant, blood swirling amidst her cape like some poor imitation of flying. Alex has to force herself to breathe slowly, her clothes feeling like they're tightening with every passing second, like the water crushing her all over again.

But the one thing she cant handle, the one thing that drives her to her knees outside the medical bay when the doctors push her back from Kara, is the fear. It’s the way her chest tightens and her heart breaks as she sees pieces of Kara’s suit falling to the floor before the medical curtains are drawn tightly, Alex feeling herself completely falling apart and not being able to stop any of it.

Its overwhelming, everything crashing in all at once. And yet all Alex can see is Maggie, through that small window on the ship, refusing to leave even as Alex begs for her to. It’s all Alex can bring herself to think, that Maggie should leave and keep Kara away, that they should both be safe. But they don’t, and their faces as the water consumes them is clawing it’s way through Alex's heart and pulling it apart at the seams. But at the same time, Alex realises that she cant let go, that what she’s really begging for is not to be left behind... begging for Kara to be okay and tell her everything will be fine....begging for Maggie... her heart is most conflicted there.

Some part of her is holding onto the fact that Maggie wouldn’t leave her, another unable to help feeling unworthy of it. But still... it’s all Alex can bring herself to feel, torn apart by the fear of losing her family. She's always been scared of losing Kara, everything they do threatening to make that fear come true. And just because Alex knows that it’s a real possibility, doesn't make it any easier to deal with... it doesn’t make the fact that Maggie is always going to be in danger by being with her any easier either.

She doesn't even realise she's talking until arms are pulling her tightly into Maggie’s chest, her voice gentle against the blaring of Alex's mind.

“I won’t Alex, slow down.” Maggie murmurs, collapsing to the floor as she tries to hold Alex up, giving in to just holding her close on the cold floor outside of the med bay.

“Please don’t leave, don’t leave, I cant... please.” Alex hears herself choking out, clinging to the wet fabric of Maggie's shirt.

“listen to me.” Maggie says gently, Alex feeling the detectives tears against her temple as she speaks. “We are okay. Kara will be okay. Just breathe.” She instructs gently, resting a hand at the top of Alex’s spine. “Breathe for me.”

Alex focuses on Maggie's voice, the feeling of her hand resting against Alex's back bringing the agent back to the moments after she was pulled out of the tank. It forces her into the routine of pulling air into her chest, feeling Maggie's hold on her tighten as she holds the pressure for a moment, then loosening again as Alex let’s it go shakily.

It hurts, her throat raw and her lungs aching, but it grounds her. Alex uses it to focus, forces herself to use the pain like an anchor to Maggie right now.

“Have to help Kara.” Alex forces out roughly, the sound of her voice unrecognizable with the strain of talking past the burning in her throat.

Maggie leans back a little, one hand going to Alex’s chest to keep her breathing steadily and the other gripping one of Alex’s gently. It doesn’t do much to calm the trembling of Alex’s hands, the warmth of Maggie’s palms actually making it worse as Alex realises how far gone she is right now.

“Your team is in there with her.” Maggie reasons slowly. "We need to find a medic and get you out of these clothes.”

Alex shakes her head, just sinking into Maggie's shoulder. She can't handle knowing her sister is right there, Alex feeling completely useless at not being able to do anything, angry at herself for not being what Kara needs right now.

Maggie seems to understand, simply shifting a little until she can lean back on the balcony railing with Alex in her arms, letting her fingers run slowly through the agents hair as Alex tries not to lose control at every muffled word she hears coming from the med bay.

“its okay, it’s okay.” Maggie repeats shakily, the words more like a reflexive response than anything else, something Maggie knows Alex has to hear right now. Even though she doesn't feel like it's true.

At some point Alex notices Jonn and Winn in the control room, her eyes blurry and aching even as she runs out of tears and takes to clinging to Maggie as tightly as possible. Everyone else in the DEO seems to give them space, constantly looking up worriedly but not getting any closer. But a tiny spark of relief settles in her chest when Vasquez, Andrew’s and Davison all sink into control room chairs, medics floating between them every now and then to make sure they're alright.

Deep down Alex is grateful for the space, she hates her agents seeing her like this. And after the ship, she doesn't really have it in her to act any other way right now. Because all she can do to keep from screaming, from shattering the glass doors of the medbay and reaching for Kara is to hold onto Maggie. All Alex can do is focus on the way the detective breathes slowly, the way her wet clothes don’t do much to take away from how warm Alex feels in her arms.

She focuses on the soft assurances Maggie murmurs in her ear every time her breath catches or a noise echoes from the operating room, she focuses on the way their heartbeats sync after a few minutes of being this close to each other. And Alex waits here in Maggie's embrace, closing her eyes to think, to pray, anything she can do to keep herself from losing herself completely.

“Alex? Maggie?” A voice asks softly from the stairs, Jonn standing shakily as he holds rigidly to the railing to stop from falling down.

Winn stands behind him quietly, his eyes red and swollen in a way that makes Alex want to hug him close. But she cant find it in herself to move out of Maggie’s arms, even as she takes in the blood across Jonn’s clothes, the way he cradles his arm and shoulder.

“We're okay.” Maggie offers shakily, Alex choking back the sob that rises in her chest to try prove the point.

But it’s no use as Jonn shuffles forward and collapses down beside them, Winn following closely and waiting for Maggie to nod before following suit.

Alex cries into Maggie's shirt as she feels Jonns hand on her back.

And she doesn’t know if takes minutes or hours, her tears eventually drying as she finds herself staring into Maggie’s neck and trying to focus on breathing, in and out one breath at a time. If it weren’t for Maggie whispering to her every few minutes, Alex thinks she'd get lost in the way her mind drifts without much thought, her body heavy and disconnected. It feels like it goes on for a lifetime.

But eventually Dr Hamilton steps out of the medbay, her dark hair pulled back as she tugs the mask off her face. Alex scrambles to her feet, grateful Maggie is there to catch her when her head spins and she can't stay upright on her own.

“Is she okay?” Alex rushes out hoarsely. “Can I see her?”

She tries pushing past Hamilton, the doctor stopping her quickly with a firm hand against her shoulder.

“She's lost a lot of blood Agent Danvers.” She informs, Alex gripping Maggie’s hand like a vice at the words. “We're setting the lamps up now but...”

“But what?” Alex questions, her heart pounding in her chest at the unease on Hamilton’s face.

The doctor glances between Alex and Maggie, seemingly trying to figure out how to say whatever it is she has to say.

“What is it?” Maggie urges cautiously, her arm wrapping around Alex's waist protectively as Winn helps Jonn stand, the director clearly not doing so well but refusing to leave all the same.

“We stabilized her and like I said we’re setting the sun lamps up.” Hamilton offers slowly. “But her brain was deprived of oxygen, both from the blood loss as well as being submerged.”

“What are you saying?” Alex questions in frustration, forcing herself to stay standing with Maggie holding her up.

Hamilton shifts nervously, her eyes looking to the floor solemnly as she takes a breath.

“We can't pull her out of the coma Alex.” Hamilton whispers. “We're hoping the brain damage will repair itself with time and that it isn't too extensive but...”

“But you don’t know?” Maggie cuts in quietly, pulling Alex into her side tightly as the air catches in her chest and the agent lifts a hand to cover the sob that almost breaks from her mouth.

“I'm sorry. She's stable for now and once the team is done with the lamps you can see her.” Doctor Hamilton offers sincerely, placing a hand on Alex's shoulder before leaving quietly.

Alex can feel her heart sinking in her chest, turning into Maggie and burying her face into the detectives neck as her body shakes. She feels sick and off balance, the whole place spinning save for Maggie as an anchor, so much so that in the back of her mind Alex fears she's holding her girlfriend too tightly.

But Maggie just pulls her in twice as hard, her hands keeping Alex standing even as her knees threaten to give out and pull them down to the floor.

“We need to move Al.” Maggie whispers gently, pulling back a little and wiping the tears from her face when Alex chokes and shakes her head insistently. “I know we cant leave her.” The detective assures gently, leaning her forehead against Alex’s to get her to focus a little. “Let’s just go in there." She motions towards Alex’s lab a few feet away. “I'll get you some clothes and we can wait for Kara, okay?”

The words bring Alex back to the DEO, her eyes drifting over Maggie’s shoulder to the control room below. And she can see agents looking up at her now, most shocked and unsure how to react to seeing her like this, others staring blindly at their monitors to avoid the whole thing. And Jonn and Winn, who look ready to rush forward to them at the slightest request, even though all Alex wants to do is fall apart, something she can't completely do with them. These people still count on her as an agent, family or not.

It makes Alex’s stomach churn enough for her to let Maggie help her, the pair shuffling slowly into the lab as Dr Hamilton calls Jonn to her office to be looked at.

Alex points to a cabinet in the corner, quiet as Maggie pulls it open and grabs them some DEO sweatpants and shirts, the clothes usually meant for patients but definitely better than the wet shirts that cling to them now.

It takes a moment for Maggie to be comfortable enough to let Alex go so she can pull her tactical gear off, the cold air harsh on her skin before Alex quickly pulls the grey DEO clothes on, the warmth somewhat comforting as she sees Maggie do the same.

Alex avoids looking too much as she pulls their wedding rings from her discarded pants, shoving her hands deeply into the ones that she has on now to try and warm the cold rings, save them from the water that quickly dries between Alex’s fingers and the inside of her pocket. She doesn't know what Maggie would think about it, Alex's eyes darting nervously to her girlfriend as she pulls her jeans off and unfolds her sweatpants.

She's still too scared to actually acknowledge what’s just happened but a part if her is still wanting to make sure Maggie is actually here. Because she's had nights like that, moments of gasping awake in the dark, feeling the tank and the water surrounding her even as her hands find cold sheets and pillows. And it was those moments Maggie hadn’t been there, times when even the sound of rain would send Alex into a corner of her apartment to try and escape it, those are the moments Alex feared the most. It had taken her a while to realize that she never really overcame that fear, more so that somehow Maggie protected her from it.

So now... well Alex watches carefully, somewhat relieved at the way her chest burns with every breath or the way she can feel the warmth of Maggie's hand on her back as she guides them around the room. Because she’s at least real.

Alex winces as Maggie helps her into a chair, the agent grabbing her girlfriends wrist before she can move any further away.

Maggie looks like she's about to say something about getting a doctor again, but Alex is grateful when her girlfriend stays still for a moment. Because Alex has to make sure she’s okay, her finger finding Maggie’s pulse on her wrist, her eyes moving over the detective's face and watching her eyes in the florescent lighting.

She can tell Maggie is scared, her gaze unsteady and alert even though her body leans and kilts tiredly, Alex knowing the symptoms from not having oxygen for a period of time. But she can't see anything that will hurt Maggie anymore, no signs of brain or lung damage aside from the grating of her voice from choking on the water. She's okay.

Alex let's out a heavy breath, tears running freely over her cheeks as she wraps her arms around Maggie's waist and buries her face against her stomach to stifle the sobs that break quietly in her chest.

“Hey.” Maggie murmurs gently, pushing Alex back slowly so she can kneel down in front of her and wipe at the tears on her face. “Kara will be fine, she's beaten more than this okay?”

Alex nods in Maggie's hands, her own rising up to hold her girlfriends wrists to keep her close.

“I can't keep doing this.” Alex cries brokenly, trying not to choke on the air she struggles to breathe.

Maggie shakes her head, concern etched in her eyes as she searches Alex's face desperately. “Do what? Alex I need you to calm d-“

“It's always too close.” Alex cuts in roughly. “Losing someone is always... I can't.” She tries explaining.

Its been years of the same fight. Sure it’s been different threats, different enemies...but always the same risks. Alex always has to face the worst of what the world has to offer and know that the cost she'll have to pay if she loses is too high for her to pay. And its brought her here, her heart strengthened by the love she has for the people in her life, even though it’s what makes her weak in these moments.

And Maggie... Alex never saw her coming, never expected to have to expose her heart to something like her. Every time Alex leaves her side it’s like pulling a piece of her armour off and trying her best not to let anything get through. And sometimes it's too close, like a scratch reminding her she isn’t made of the same kryptonian blood as her sister, she isn’t invincible... and that one day too close will become close enough and everything will be lost.

“Alex?” Maggie says gently, urging their eyes to meet. “You're not losing anyone.” She resolves softly.

Alex just sobs quietly as she sees Hamilton shuffle into the lab, looking sorry for intruding but needing to.

“I'm sorry, but you can see her now.” Hamilton offers quietly. “And just in case you struggle to sleep, which you really should...” She hands over a bottle of mild relaxants that Maggie mumbles a thank you for. “Also if we could please keep it to two visitors in with her at a time, but I understand Miss Luthor is most likely on her way as well.” Hamilton urges gently before leaving again.

“I'm scared.” Alex whimpers as Maggie takes her hands to go across to the med bay.

“I know.” Maggie says gently. “But we’re gonna go see Kara and you’re probably going to adjust some lamp settings and she’ll be awake by morning.” She tries with a gentle smile, trying to ease some of the tension Alex can feel racing in her veins.

Alex tries to listen to the words, hating the sounds she can hear herself making as she tries to stop crying.

“Come one, I got you.” Maggie offers, wrapping an arm around Alex's waist as she leads her back onto the balcony.

They have to stop there though because Lena is suddenly running up the stairs, practically right into them as the eyeliner runs down her cheeks slightly with the total panic written across her face.

“What happened?!” She rushes out, immediately clinging to the hand Alex reaches out to her.

“I messed up.” Alex chokes out. “I'm sor-" she cuts off as Lena rushes forward and hugs them both, her tears falling uncontrollably in a rare way for the CEO.

“This isn’t your fault.” She assures brokenly. “Just please tell me she's okay?”

Alex struggles to keep herself steady as her shoulders shake under the weight of Lena’s concern, she doesn't know what to say.

“She's got the best people in the world to make sure she is.” Maggie offers quietly. “But you two really need to be in there with her.”

Alex pulls back, her heart racing instinctively. But Maggie notices and pulls one of Alex’s palms to her lips in assurance.

“I'm not going anywhere.” Maggie reassures softly. “I'm just gonna check on Jonn and make sure we have a plan set up to clear the kryptonite out of the harbour, okay?” She explains, slowly allowing Lena to replace her and place an arm securely at the base of Alex’s back.

“Okay.” Alex murmurs, reminding herself that they're safe now and she can relax... as much as the situation allows her to anyway. “Don’t go too far?”

“Promise.” Maggie assures with a nod, leaning in to kiss Alex’s cheek gently. “I'll come back up when she’s been stable for a couple hours.”

Alex nods, holding little tightly to Lena as Maggie heads down the stairs, looking back over her shoulder until she's sure Alex will be alright with Lena.

“I don’t know how to do this.” The CEO whispers, wiping at her face messily.

Alex clenches her jaw, not really knowing either. But she reaches for Lena’s hand before pushing the med bay door open, the drawn medical curtains making her heart clench as the beeping from the ekg machine fills her ears.

She isn’t sure if her or Lena is the one urging them forward, but Alex is instinctively the one who pulls Lena into a tight hug when they finally see Kara.

Her face is pale even beneath the sun lamps, Alex fearing it'll be far too cold if she reaches out to fix her sisters hair where it hangs across her cheek. And the scratches across her arms, the bruising that has refused to heal over her knuckles, it let’s on just how bad it all is. And beneath it Alex knows there's bandages and stitches, the damage Kara’s body rarely ever endures scaring Alex more than anything else.

And even when Lena finally pulls back and shuffles forward, her hands reaching for Kara’s, Alex finds herself paralyzed. She looks over every detail, searching for something, anything she can do. But there’s just the constant heartbeat echoing from the ekg machine, the heat radiating uncomfortably from the lamps... nothing she can fix.

So she forces herself to pull two chairs beside the bed, not caring that the tears are falling silently down her cheeks and neck as her and Lena collapse into them. But it takes the CEO actually grabbing her hand and pulling it to Kara’s for Alex to have the courage to feel Kara’s skin against her own, her heart practically stalling at the relief of it being fairly warm.

She let’s out a shaky breath, grateful for the hand Lena steadies on her shoulder as she leans her face down against Kara’s shoulder, desperately holding onto the proof that her sister is going to be okay... that she has to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Maggie POV coming up with a bit of Jonn so fair warning on being prepared for that...  
> Also a heads up that this fic will probably be coming to an end (again😅) in a few chapters time, so if theres anything you'd like to see in the last bits please let me know and I'll try my best to work things in if they fit 😊
> 
> X-S


	25. I Always Do: Part Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short pov for Mags, as always please lemme know if anything is out of place 😊

Maggie watches as Alex and Lena shuffle carefully into the med bay, letting out a heavy breath once they're out of sight. Her hands still shake and Maggie tries not to glare at them as she paces out to the balcony, the fresh air stinging in her lungs like a reminder.

She hates that Alex’s words are stuck in her head, that losing someone is always too close. Most of the time it’s easy to hide behind excuses of “the greater good" and that the city needs them out there, which Maggie knows deep down is true... but it doesn’t make the facts any easier to face.

All she can do in the moment is lean her arms on the railing, trying to force the images of Alex and Kara in the water from her mind, focusing on the way the lights within the city slowly start taking over from the sun.

“You okay?” Jonn questions as he steps up beside her cautiously.

Maggie nods, clenching her jaw as she takes in the sling holding Jonns arm, the stitches across his cheek and the way he winces every time he moves.

“Looks like I should be asking you that question.” She replies slowly.

He just stares at the ground, avoiding the concern in Maggie’s voice.

"A few broken things...nothing important.” The staunch man reasons.

But something about the words tugs at Maggie, how Jonn says it as if the image of him right now is inconsequential.

“We lost today.” Maggie murmurs, having to turn back to the city with the way Jonns shoulders hunch over. “Too many people, including you, are lucky to even be alive. That’s important.”

“I know I just...” Jonn tries, leaning back against the railing and watching as the agents inside all move between screens and consoles.

Maggie can tell something is on the edge of his thoughts, her eyes drawn back to his face as he rushes to wipe a tear before anyone can see.

“Jonn wh-"

“I failed you.” He cuts in gently, shaking his head to keep Maggie from talking. “I promised to protect this family and I..I couldn’t.” The director concedes shakily, trying not to let the tears in his eyes break free.

Maggie rushes to put her arms around the closest person she’s ever considered as a father, Jonn always looking out for everyone under his command, for his family. He winces but doesn’t let Maggie pull away from the hug, his free arm resting heavily across her shoulders.

“No one is to blame here.” Maggie whispers, pulling back and taking Jonns hand to squeeze it tightly. "You can’t protect our whole family Jonn. We protect each other.”

“I should have been there to help Alex, the kryptonite weakened Kara and I sh-" He tries to argue.

“We both know there was no way in hell Kara wasn’t coming for Alex the second she knew.” Maggie counters, refusing to let him think the weight of this is his alone to bear. “And you can’t do this alone. If we lost you because you tried to shield us from everything then this family would never be the same.” She chokes out.

“It's my job.” He murmurs quietly, motioning at the building behind Maggie. “This is my life, my purpose.”

Maggie shakes her head gently, sighing as she wipes her face to get herself together enough to speak.

“It is no ones purpose to leave the ones they love Jonn.” She muses gently. “It speaks to how much they mean to you, but it means more to trust that we all have each other and that we fight together, we protect one another and we never give up.” Maggie resolves. “Family is not always about sacrifice, it’s about doing everything we can to bring us all home. And we are.”

“This time.” Jonn let’s out solemnly.

Maggie bites her cheek, knowing she couldn’t really argue that point. And she knows they both know what it’s like to lose family, how protective they are of the one they have now. So she doesn't try to refute the point even though its like a knife twisting in her side. And although Jonn seems grateful that she understands, Maggie still braces when he speaks again.

“It isn't fair that you don’t get to be selfish with your life.” He muses quietly, shaking his head as he turns to the skyscrapers, somehow looking so small against the towers of light. “You should be demanding to have the people you love away from this place, for the people out there to fight for themselves. But you don't.”

Maggie pulls in a breath, the words she hears Jonn saying a little too close to a lot of thoughts she’s had. But she knows why she can't, Maggie knows the reason she could never ask to leave this all behind.

“It isn't my life to be selfish with.” Maggie offers quietly. “Do I want Alex safe? Want this city to be fine without Supergirl and the DEO? Of course I do.” She reasons. “But that isn’t who this family is, its not who I am. I can't stand on the side-lines, I couldn't ask anyone here to either.”

Jonn just looks at her, something burning behind his eyes that Maggie cant quite place.

“I wish you weren’t so strong and wanted to hide away sometimes.” He says with a watery smile. “I've got daughters again... and I can't bear to lose them.”

“I will always do anything to keep Alex and Kara safe.” Maggie resolves determinedly. “You're not alone.”

Jonn chuckles a little as he wipes his face, pulling Maggie into his chest and resting his head on her head.

“I know.” He whispers. “But don't forget about you.”

“What do y-" Maggie tries as she pulls back a little to look up at Jonn.

“You're not alone. And you are a part of this family.” He determines. “And you will always have a home right here.”

Maggie can't help the tears that force their way onto her cheeks as Jonn taps his chest, pride taking over his face as he finishes speaking. But Maggie doesn’t know what to say, just rushing back into Jonn and wrapping her arms around him tightly. She’s worried about hurting him but Jonn just holds her a little tighter, not mentioning the fact that Maggie’s tears are probably ruining his shirt.

“It’s taken me too long to tell you, but I hope you feel the same?” Jonn questions gently, smiling down at her when Maggie tries to use the neck of her shirt to dry her eyes.

“I'm not great with the emotional thing.” Maggie laughs out nervously, grateful when Jonn nods and rests his hand on her shoulder.

“You're better than you know.” He offers proudly. “The way Alex looks at you is all the proof I need of that.”

“I don’t know.” Maggie mumbles out. “All I can think about is that I almost lost her today and I didn't... that she doesn't really know how I feel about her.”

Jonn sighs and reaches for her hand again.  
“She knows you love her Maggie, we all do.” He assures.

Maggie shakes her head gently, looking into the city to avoid Jonns eyes as they search her face.

“I know she's still scared, that she blames herself for things.” She explains slowly. “And I don't want her to but I'm... I'm still scared too Jonn. I don't want to wake up one day and lose everything.”

She knows it doesn’t really make any sense, but some part of Maggie feels like if she holds back even the slightest it’ll protect her. Even though all today has proven is that no matter how much she tells herself she’s safe, her heart is out there in the firing line every time Alex leaves their home.

Jonn nudges her shoulder to get her attention back.

“If you keep a part yourself locked away, you cant truly have anything. You'll wake up one day and realise you've got nothing to lose.” He reasons gently.

Maggie swallows at the realization, clenching her hands together on the railing. She knows it's up to her, that Alex has made it clear that it’s her decision. And it's not that Maggie doesn't know what she wants, she’s always wanted one thing. But she's used to losing and even though her heart is a lot louder than her head these days, the voice is still there. But thankfully Jonn knows how to push it aside.

“If there’s one thing I agree with humans on, it's that it takes a split moment of bravery to overcome all of the fears in here.” Jonn insists, tapping Maggie’s head gently. “And I'm biased, but you and Alex... what you have is worth that small moment.”

Maggie closes her eyes to try hold back the tears again, Jonns hand on her back before he leaves somehow helping her to breathe.

She looks around, her fingers reaching for the section of the railing that was repaired after the daxamite invasion. The slight shift in texture between the old and new concrete makes Maggie's heart ache at the unavoidable memories that surface, her arms around Alex's waist, the look in her eyes when she... Maggie shakes her head and looks back inside. She has to distract herself from falling into that memory all the time.

Because she doesn’t think she’s as brave as Jonn thinks... she wants to be. But Maggie doesn’t really know how.

The walls are all gone but she's still clearing the rubble. And maybe that's the problem, Maggie knows how she feels, knows who she wants... but she's scared that the broken pieces aren’t put together strong enough to be worthy of it.

But she also knows Alex would say that isn't her choice to make. And as Maggie looks out into the city she calls home, the lights still filling her with hope like the first time she saw them, Maggie thinks she gets it.

She won't ever understand why Alex loves her, but she doesn’t have to. All Maggie has to do is believe that the girl she loves is telling her the truth and loves her too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still a few more chapters to go I think but hopefully this little update will tide it over until the next one😄  
> Hope everyone has a great weekend and week after that anddd I'll get some more of this up asap😁 x  
> Also shout out to AlmostAsGoodAs_I_do for giving me the amazingly gay sweater that I wrote part of this in, you're the best!❤😊


	26. I Always Do: Part Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy, little late on the update (what else is new though 😅) but anyways y'all know the drill, and enjoy😊

She's been sitting like this for what feels like hours, Lena curled into Kara’s side on the small bed, the hero’s hand clasped firmly between Alex’s own as it rests against her lips, as if to hear the prayers Alex has found herself murmuring.

The doctor in her looks over everything with scrutiny, demanding the bruises and cuts fade from her sisters skin. But she's resolved the Kryptonite must have forced a power blow out... Kara is as human as she is right now. And the fact scares Alex half to death.

“Hey.” A soft voice calls Alex out of her thoughts, Maggie shuffling a little on her feet on the other side of the bed.

“Hi.” Alex whispers back, smiling unthinkingly at the way her girlfriend takes the word as her cue to step forward and hold Kara’s other hand.

“She's okay?” Maggie questions cautiously, her gaze weary over the hero in a way that makes Alex relax for some reason, like there’s another person here who will protect her sister.

“I think so.” Alex offers quietly. “I just need her to wake up.” She lets out shakily, her voice cracking painfully.

Maggie rushes to her, Alex carefully letting Kara’s hand rest on Lena’s waist before she turns into her girlfriend and sobs quietly as Maggie’s hands run through her hair.

“Come here with me.” Maggie murmurs, pressing her lips to Alex’s head as she helps the agent stand, both of them shuffling over to the spare bed beside Kara’s.

She’s so tired, Alex doesn't even argue when Maggie pulls the the covers back and urges her in, the detective lying down beside Alex gently and pulling her close.

It’s impossible not to close her eyes when Maggie's nose brushes against hers gently, the closeness almost too much of a comfort for Alex to handle right now.

“You should sleep.” Maggie whispers gently, Alex looking back into her eyes when she feels the detectives fingers tracing over her jaw. “Do you want some of the pills from Hamilton?”

Alex shakes her head, letting out a heavy breath and shifting a little to try be a little closer to Maggie.

“Okay.” The detective murmurs. “Just rest though okay?”

“Okay.” Alex nods, pulling on Maggie's waist until they’re close enough for her to hide in her girlfriends shoulder.

She lets the sound of Maggie’s breathing and the echo of Kara’s pulse on the ekg calm her a little, her fingers loosening in the fabric of Maggie’s shirt as the minutes pass, Alex getting drawn in by the patterns Maggie traces gently across her back.

“Thank you.” Alex mumbles out, barely still awake.

"What for?” Maggie enquires softly.  
Alex swallows, trying to keep herself steady.

“Saving my sister.” She lets out. “I can barely remember making it to the deck, nothing is clear and I was... I was so scared Maggie I couldn't..and Kara she..” Alex can hear her words choke off in the small room, her hands trembling on Maggie’s waist.

“Hey, Alex ..no.” Maggie insists, gently urging Alex’s face out from her shoulder, the detective's fingers steady and warm on her jaw. “It is not your fault for being scared. And I love Kara too, okay?” She resolves gently, running her thumbs across the never ending tears on Alex's face. “She's frustrating and impossible to handle sometimes, but she's an amazing and kind person who’s impossible not to love, just like her sister.”

Alex laughs wetly at the admission, Maggie’s smile at the sound making her heart skip a little.

“She's never gonna let go that she's got you onto her side.” Alex jokes back quietly.

Maggie hums in agreement and kisses Alex's forehead as she pulls her in close again, her hands drifting back to carry on tracing light patters on Alex's back.

“She's your sister...she's mine too in a way.” Maggie resolves faintly. “So you don't have to protect her all by yourself.”

Alex sniffs and nods, trying her best to take in everything she’s hearing as her heart fills with a sense of relief and love for the woman who’s arms tighten around her right now.

“Besides, I'm pretty sure Lena over there is gonna be getting a kick ass suit on Kara's butt before we can have much say in it.” Maggie chuckles out.

Alex laughs at the image that pops into her head of all the kinds of suits Lena will make Kara try on, the CEO blatantly preferring safety over appearance, much to the dismay of Kara and Winn's original design.

But as relieving as the thought is, Alex cant help wanting more.

“Is it selfish that I want her to stop?” Alex mumbles, avoiding Maggie's gaze nervously.

The detective sighs and taps her fingers lightly on the small of Alex's back as she thinks, every second making the nerves in Alex's stomach churn. But eventually Maggie moves her hand to urge Alex's face towards her own.

“I don't think it's selfish.” She whispers, shifting a stray piece of Alex's hair intently. “I think you've spent a long time being scared that you wont be able to keep her safe. And I think its hard because that's not always possible.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Alex laughs out quietly, trying to ease some of the nerves in her veins.

Maggie smiles down at her softly, Alex closing her eyes at the feeling of the detectives fingers moving through her hair.

“I can't change facts.” Maggie murmurs. “But I can get hold of our vigilante friends in Gotham, see if any of them want to take a shot at the sunny life here alongside Supergirl. The more help the better right?”

“You think any if them will?” Alex muses, actually considering the idea.

Maggie shrugs slightly. “Grayson is looking to go clean, him and Bruce aren't exactly seeing eye to eye. And he's a damn good detective when he isn't playing Robin.” She explains.

“Just because I'd start a war over you, doesn’t mean you can just create one by stealing batman's sidekick.” Alex reasons. “We aren't having a Clarke and Bruce situation in this city.”

The gentle laugh Maggie lets out at that sends a warmth through Alex's chest.

“He's not a sidekick, he's a partner.” Maggie corrects playfully. “Besides, Bruce owes me one anyway.”

“What?” Alex questions disbelievingly. “Bruce Wayne, owes you?”

Maggie nods. “I may have done Kate a favour... helped get Harvey back in Arkham so yeah, he owes me.” She says sort of proudly.

Alex bites her lip in thought, going over the possibility. She'd still have to control her urge to constantly be out in the field, easier said than done. But having more help could help them avoid unnecessary risks.

“I'll think about it.” Alex mumbles, shuffling back into Maggie and closing her eyes heavily.

“Later.” The detective whispers, kissing Alex's head gently. “Try sleep.”

But it isn’t so much that Alex cant sleep, she's exhausted actually... but she can't help herself right now.

“Why didn't you leave?” She whispers cautiously. “Back on the boat... you should've..” Alex finds herself unable to finish, both trying not to be overcome by the notion and being incredibly aware of the way Maggie's hold on her tightens.

The detective clenches her jaw and Alex aches to reach out and relieve the tension there as Maggie breathes measuredly.

“I'm never going to be able to let you go Alex.” She reasons quietly. “This... me and you? I'm no scientist, but I know that no matter the circumstances and no matter the consequences... I'll choose you.” Maggie resolves, her hand rising to Alex’s jaw to keep her gaze steady when the agent instinctively tries to hide her tears. “Every time, I will choose you.”

“Maggie I d-" Alex tries, not quite sure that Maggie understands the gravity of what that means. These choices could mean life and death far too often. But Alex can see by the look in Maggie's eyes as she shakes her head to cut Alex off that the detective knows exactly what she’s saying.

“Why did you jump into the harbour when Kara and I didn’t come up?” Maggie questions gently. “You still can't even handle the bath alone and yet that didn't matter?” She offers, obviously trying to make Alex think about it.

“I just...” Alex tries, clenching her eyes shut as she goes back to that moment, the yelling and the worry, the water as it swallowed her as she went after Maggie and Kara. “It didn't matter as much as you.” She eventually resolves.

Maggie gives her a knowing smile, Alex pulling in a breath in understanding. But still her heart feels comfortably heavy at the realisation that her and Maggie feel the same. She knows deep down that they always have, that what they share would always be inevitable. She would also choose Maggie every time in the end.

“Ride or die, remember?” Maggie whispers quietly, pushing Alex’s hair back gently as the agent nods and huddles into Maggie’s chest tightly.

“I love you Maggie.” She murmurs shyly. “I hope you truly know that.”

Maggie's arms tighten slightly and Alex holds her breath as the detective stays quiet for a moment, but Alex soon realises its just because she's trying not to cry and wake Kara.

“I love you too Alex.” Maggie eventually gets out shakily. “More than anything.”

Alex swallows her tears and wraps her arms around Maggie's waist as she buries her face against the detective's chest, happy to let the soft beating their calm her down. Somehow hearing what her heart has felt makes the whole thing impossibly hard to process, Alex not knowing if its relief or tiredness or a mixture of the two that has her hands shaking against Maggie’s back while her girlfriend whispers assurances to her softly.

“Try sleep for me okay?” Maggie asks a little while later.

Alex nods against her girlfriend’s neck, comforted by the sound of Maggie's breathing mixing with Kara's heartbeat. And any other time she might have been embarrassed at how exhausted she is at work, but right now she barely thinks about it as she lets herself slip away in Maggie's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...this section is gonna be quite a few parts..just because I want to try and cover everything properly before proposals and what not..so please bear with me for the next few chapters 😊  
> As always ya can get me on here or yell at me on twitter and all that fun stuff but hopefully everyone has a good week and I'll get ya all later 😁


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